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Some of us stopped writing, others were picked up over at www.celticslife.com.
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Fall rules.

Fall is a great time of year for me. The leaves magically change color and cover my disgraceful lawn like a beautiful quilt.

The money portion of the Sam Adams seasonal line-up (Octoberfest and Winter Lager) is due in at all fine beer-hawking establishments nation-wide. I get to hide my video-game-sculpted body and receding hair-line with knit hats and layers of female-repelling t-shirts I only wear when I know I will have an overworn, underwashed hoody over them.

And recently, The Celtics will be delivering serious ass-bruisings to "teams" like the philly cheesesteaks and charlotte slobcats. This new era of Celtics seems to go into a sprint immediately when the starting pistol is fired.

Fine, if you shake my hand, I promise to shoot over there instead of at you.

Two years ago, 29-3. Last year, 27-2. This year, 5-0 so far with no one, not even the Lebrons in Lebronland, really threatening to win by the end of the game.

Uh, I think someone's tryin to foul me. Let me check... yea, Eddie House is tryin to foul me.

This writer surely believes they can keep up this pace and have another stellar start, but how much does a good start to the season matter? well, I would say it matters a lot. The first time we did it, we brought home the trophy. Suck it, LA. Last time we went two rounds into the play-offs with a couple of big injuries. Suck it anyways, LA. Clearly there is no direct correlation, but by the same logic that getting ahead in a game early makes it easier for you to win for several reasons other than just having the lead, getting ahead in the season makes it easier for you to stay ahead.
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LA Lakers recon mission

As we all know, the L.A. Lakers are not going to repeat as champions this year, but will still be like an annoying animal darting out in front of the Celtics' bandwagon on the road to ultimate triumphantry. The only question is whether it will be like a taurus versus a deer or a tank versus a salmon. ... one of those new-fangled land-salmon. So let's see what's goin on over in L.A., where the fans care about the game, just as long as the E! network is on re-runs, and there are no mirrors in sight.

Derek the Gnome, pictured here celebrating with his team after getting a rebound, is getting old and ineffective, but not to worry, he has compensated for this by... writing a book about his life story and remaining old and ineffective. Amazon.com reports record sales as literally dozens of people order the book and select "never" as their shipping option. Well, maybe he plans to read excerpts to opponents when they start games and bore them to sleep by halftime. He reportedly has been training hard in the off-season however, so whatever his strategy will be, you can bet it will be a big waste of time and energy.

Everyone's least favorite egomaniac, seen here looking dumb, is in talks with the Lakers for an extension to his contract. From the L.A. Times: "On top of the $47.8 million he could earn over the next two seasons, Bryant can sign a three-year extension worth another $86 million to $91 million." I think this may backfire for the Lakers though. Physicists theorize that this huge contract offer will generate enough self-importance in Kobe Bryant that it will cause his head to literally explode. So if I understand this correctly, and I probably don't, that's a potential total of $138,800,000. Now that's a lot of money, but I recall a great point (although he uses Shaq as an example rather than Kobe) from comedian Chris Rock (caution: link contains profanity and controversial viewpoints) differentiating that kind of money from serious wealth. My point is that someone is paying Kobe that insane amount of money not because he deserves it, but because Kobe will make the executives way more money. I think if I could afford to hire someone for that much money, I would instead first punch myself in the face for even considering it, then retire and take a look at this website. Obviously Kobe is the face of the Lakers and isn't going anywhere, should Celtics fans be worried? Not while Artest is there to ballhog and steal attention away from him. As the season goes, Kobe will soon recall that he's Jesus and this pair will prove to be as effective as Michael Jackson and a case of sedatives.

That last joke was in great taste. Anyways, Kurt Rambis, the laker's version of Thibs, left to bring his brand of defense to the T-wolves, so we should see a shift in the Laker's defensive strategy. For those of you wondering, Rambis's brand of defense consists mainly of getting clothes-lined while rocking goofy glasses and only the dirtiest of mustaches. For those of you who missed the '84 finals and are all like "wtfuck are you talking about?" Here. Laker's head coach and chief Col. Sanders impersonator Phil Jackson has said that he will use 3 assistant head coachs: no name 1, who knows 2 and some guy 3 to split up the other NBA teams evenly and figure out how to defend them. He needs them to do this because he's too busy not moving for extended periods of time. Some scientists think that, like those creepy, camouflaged fish, this is how he catches his prey.

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Garnett still has a boo-boo and the NBA is still a laughingstock.

So a lot of stuff has happened in Celticsland since last post, and I'm sure you've heard about all of it. We signed Sheldy Williams, resigned Big Baby, and finally worked out something with Marquis Daniels. Looking back at the 09 playoffs, there were two things I remember missing. One is of course KG, and the other was bench points. Let's look at the improvement. 08-09 bench by the end of the year (minus the players we still have): Stephon Marbury, Mikki Moore, Gabe Pruitt. 09-10 bench starting out: Marquis Daniels, Glen Davis, Rasheed Wallace, Shelden Williams.

mmm bench points...

Marbury and Lester Hudson are still up in the air, and it's not really fair to include baby, but it is exciting to know how talented he is, and that we have more than five guys who are even better. (Yes, reader, it has occurred to me, after I put down my keg of kool-aid, that this line-up is untested and could go into a tailspin, but for now, let's just assume everything will go exactly according to plan, hmm?). Anyways, back to Big Baby. As we all know, he got to showcase his talent when KG suffered his knee injury. Luckily that's all over and done with.

OR IS IT?!?!?!?! DUN DUN DUN

Stories are now surfacing, based on the fact that KG will miss the first pre-season game, that his knee injury may still be a big issue. It seems like the Celtics, coached by Bill Belichick, may not want to really reveal the truth (which is out there) to the rest of us.

I *Heart* Celtics, where X-files references happens.

One might (intelligently) say "It's only the pre-season and plenty of teams rest starters during PS games." I would say that this wouldn't be Boston sports here if we didn't analyze the hell out of everything. So could the knee still be a factor, will Garnett be at or close to 100% and when will he start? Yes, based on the severity of the injury. I would guess not 100%. and who knows? Whatever the case may be, the Wallace trade is looking like it could be a little more than for depth.

In other news, the NBA, which can't come to an agreement with its refs, has invited replacement refs in to a training camp. I'm sure the old refs just want more money, but maybe, just maybe, they want to call the games fairly and of course Stern will have none of that. One interesting point is here and that is that the NBA has invited former NBA ref Michael Henderson who they suspended for making a bad call and later fired for probably causing a stink about it (see the call below).

Man that was a bad call, oof, makes me just want to stab someone with a knife. Somebody obviously had big money on that game. Or Henderson has the eyes of dead bat. So that's good news, we can expect just as crappy of a job as the old refs did or worse! I think they should just hire Tommy Heinsohn as the league's only ref, personally.

And finally, on the "lighter" side, former Celtic, current Cav and future Terminator Delonte West got pulled over in Maryland on a motorized tricycle wielding two loaded hand-cannons and a shotgun in a guitar case.

Pause, re-read and reflect.

As hilarious as the image of him riding down the highway on a three-wheeler shooting off pistols and screaming like he's god damn Yosemite Sam is (and I'd have that photoshop for you if I wasn't so busy)... what are you trying to prove, Delonte? You are not Steven Seagal, you aren't going to have to take down a factory-full of evil henchmen to save a woman you just met, and you don't need to be prepared to combat a small national army. You are a rich basketball star, no one is questioning your manhood, so just cut the sh!t and grow up. When are these moron athletes going to figure this out? And don't give me that "It's for protection" BS, Dmitri West, you can't even spell your own name. Your son is riding a deathtrap with a loaded gun in his pants. The only thing he needs protection from is his mid-30's I.Q. My favorite part of this whole story isn't even the fact that his motorcycle had training wheels or that he had 3 loaded weapons on him when he cut-off a cop. No sir. It's that he was charged with two criminal counts for the handguns, but "[Major officer] Ellis said West was within his rights to carry the shotgun." So a pistol is illegal, but if I want to be like West and pretend I'm the lead in "Desperado 2: Mexicans in Maryland" and roll around with a shotgun in a guitar case, that's totally fine. You can conceal a handgun, you can conceal a shotgun, HOW IS THE SHOTGUN NOT AS DANGEROUS?!

Well you know what, get me my three-wheeled hog, some leather and a guitar case full of death, cause I got some refs to school.

More roster action, with half the importance and twice the calories.

According to Seattlepi, whatever the hell that is, the Celtics have reached an agreement with Shelden Williams for one year. See hilarious photoshop below:

Thanks to the Kings blog "SacTown Royalty" for this brilliant photomanipulation. I also like how occassionally, if you visit that site and are very lucky, a giant pop-up of a nature scene blocks the entire site and advertises absolutely nothing. Awesome.

He was a solid defender at Duke, flying around and blocking shots, getting rebounds, etc. Here in the NBA he has played with the Hawks, the Kings and the Timberwolves, and is one of those guys who plays about 15 minutes per game, so no one cares about him. I think he is underappreciated, and will have a good year with the C's. He's defensive-minded and young, which is nice since our team is starting to look a little, uh, elderly.

Speaking of that, the Celtics may have a chance to jump on another geezer of a player, Bruce Bowen, since the Spurs are waivin it up down there. This article seems to think it'll be either us or the Cavs. It mentions however that odd-looking Marquis Daniels from the Pacers is probably going to take the spot opened up by waiving Gabe Pruitt, which will be great if the guys have an impromptu need for a map of Florida or any other of his bizarre tattoos. Yes, last friday the Celtics requested waivers on our beloved, drunk-driving backup point guard leaving most wondering who will back up Rondo after we run him into the ground and Marbury until he remembers how to play (if he is resigned). Oh wait, I forgot, Rondo is indestructible, nevermind. So the Celtics will probably end up with either Daniels or Bowen, and without maybe Scal or TA if we have to trade with Indiana (rather than using just cash).

The NBA, where mind-bending, confusing-ass transactions happens.

And In Powe news, he reportedly received an offer from the Cavs. And just as a courtesy to you, the reader, if you click on the link just given, stop reading after the first four lines. The author does some "freestyling" if you will, and it is uncomprehendable garbage. At this point I would like to say that the Cavs need to chill the out. First it was Shaq, then they got Anthony Parker, then goofy-named Jamario Moon (Here's how that went down: "hmm, what should we name our kid? I know, Mario... wait too normal, let's get high and come up with an extra syllable to throw in the mix.") to go with Lebron and the gang. I don't know how well that group will work together, but scientists predict it will be somewhat like this:

And now the Cavs want to add Powe to the Cleveland De-pantsing ho-down too? Unbelievable! Well, I will say this, Powe deserves the highest contract he can get, he's a great player and human being, and I hope he stays, but I wish him the best of luck anyways.

On a side note, here are some videos which should help explain the just-not-quite-rightatude that Cleveland people exhibit (Thanks to Cam for the find).

Rash is down with the C's ideology

Rasheed with his new jersey, Vivica Fox, a young PJ Brown, the little girl from the Cosby show and a kid who thinks his head is a lot bigger than it actually is.

Well, I just sat through the introductory press conference and boy was it exciting. There's nothing like a bunch of lobotomized reporters lobbing up underhanded softballs at preprogrammed athletes who sit and wait for the "high cheese" (as Eckersley would say) like Big Papi circa 2004 with a 3-0 count. "Um, Rasheed, could you tell us if you think winning is important to this team and if you think you can help the team do that?" "Um, no, I'm not that good and honestly we'd rather just get to know each other on the court... through the art of interpretive dance, maybe throw a tea party here and there, do the electric slide, you know, as a team... winning isn't really what we're about."

Well, that's not what he said, though he would have my undying admiration if he had. Rashy is all about the big W, he claims. In fact, if there was a common theme, it was: we want to win and Wallace was the main free agent that the C's wanted to sign. Since he is now a Celtic, my unfounded hatred of RW is gonna have to go, but still, I reserve the right to complain about any chucking that goes on.

In other news:

The Celtic's summer league, where our young guys play who-cares basketball in an abandoned gym outside of Orlando, has took a turn for the worse. After flogging the Utah Jazz-hands, we were beaten decidedly by the high-drafting OK (by state abbreviation, not reputation) Thunder and edged out by a trey by the Orlando Magically Delicious and the Indiana Pacemakers. Fun fact: Indiana feels the need to play its regular season starters against our there-for-emotional-support crew.

I plead momentary retardation when I said that Orlando is a better team now. Cause they aren't. They are gonna miss the Hedonism Turkey like the Celtics (and BP) miss Alvin and the Jeffersons (a lot). Unless Howard has figured out the art of the free throw and, well, anything on top of how to dunk and Carter discovers the fountain of youth, I'm not too worried. Also, I look forward to seeing Shaq in Cleveland even more now. Wallace is going to buy property outside the arc and just live there because on defense Shaq will either be with his only friend, the low post, or still deciding whether or not to bother crossing half court. It's going to be hilarious, trust me.

And lastly, Gregg Dickerson (Boston's really funny, local sports network's "field" reporter on the Celtics) confirmed with Doc Rivers that they expect a definite answer to the Grant Hill situation (which, in case you haven't heard about because I haven't mentioned it, exists) within a few days. Doc said, and I paraphrase, we really want him on this team and are trying to pry him away from the Suns but it will be difficult because he likes Steve Nash and the ownership and hates winning.

Celtics reach supposed deal with the 'sheed.

I was surprised too, Rash.

The Celtics have reached a deal with Piston's Rasheed Wallace, SI said. 2 years of technical fouls and chucking foolhardy 3's. Well this isn't all bad from a strategy standpoint (and it's not bad at all if you don't have unfounded hatred for Wallace like I do). He can defend forwards and centers, he can play inside and outside on offense and he's got a weird discolored blob on his head which I believe is his version of Jupiter's great red spot. Sources say that it fuels his inner tempest with stormy rage. This has to count for something.

Anyways, I predicted Andersen here, but I certainly can't complain with this move... it actually makes more sense. Not only will this give us more depth at center, but I'm certain he will rack up the minutes despite coming off the bench. He can come in for KP at C or KG at F, which will allow Doc to better rest starters, something he cried about last season. So this trade seems to make a lot of sense, I'm excited to see it in action later this year. Also, look for a feature during the season: Sheedwatch! Ugly missed 3's are worth 1 point, technicals will be 2, let's see how high he can score!

In other news, the Celtic's summer league gets started tonight at 7pm against the Utah Jazzettes, and you can watch the live stream from Celtics.com. The expected starters are Gabe Pruitt, J.R. Giddens, Bill Walker, Mike Sweetney and Robert Swift. So if you own a laptop you can watch the sox and D-team celtics at the same time. word.

The draft happened, the Cavs find Lebron a boyfriend, Orlando throws Vince Carter at their problems, Celts concentrate on holes in their dancer roster

...no pun intended (seriously).


Meet the newest Celtic, Lester Hudson seen here attempting some kind of weird, mid-air, side-action sky-hook that will have to defy the laws of physics to go in. Comforting.

Wowee wow, so the draft happened and without further Freddy Adu here is I*Heart*Celtics' exhaustive summary:

Boston Celtics - pick 58 - picked Lester Hudson. A speedy combo guard with already-established and quite effective offensive skills. A great compliment to our defensively-oriented team. I predicted a different player by name, but essentially the same player by game. Ainge has said that there is a good chance he will see playing time this season.

Other teams - picks 1 through 60 - picked players that they thought would help them beat us and will soon find that their time would have been better served trying to pay the basketball to go in the hole.

In other news, The Cleveland Lebron's, under pressure from last season's disappointment, will now have to change their name to The Cleveland Oh-God-We're-So-Pissed-About-Last-Year-That-We're-Bringing-In-Captain-"Along-For-The-Ride"-And-Crossing-Our-Fingers-That-His-Ego-Doesn't-Eat-Ilgauskis-aliers. Unfortunately Shaq will be the only one who will be able to fit it on his jersey. The Cavs meanwhile have sent Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, a 2010 2nd round draft pick, some moolah, a broken TV, a '74 dodge dart, a croquet set, some Van Halen LP's and whatever else they were just going to throw out anyways to Phoenix. The Suns, meanwhile, can't stop talking about how great Ben Wallace was in 2004 and how Sasha was picked in the very 1st round of the 2003 draft. Look for the Suns to be a dominant force in points not scored, rebounds mishandled and ratio of asleep to awake fans.

News from our other source of competition, Orlando, goes as follows: The Nets send over Vince Carter and 2nd year player Ryan Anderson in exchange for Rafer Alston, Tony Battie and Courtney Lee. It seems like this means that Hedo is not going to stay in Orlando since that would be very expensive for Orlando, but there is no Hedonews so far. Regardless, Orlando is going to be quite a force this season. Their starting five is Howard, Lewis, Turkoglu, Carter, and Nelson, with the possibility of Pietrus or Anderson instead of Turkoglu. Either way, Orlando's newly and extremely versatile offense and solid defense are going to be damn scary.

The Celtics are going to need Perk to step up to the challenge of Shaq and Howard and the team defense is going to have to improve despite the fact that it has been pretty excellent the last couple seasons. To be honest, I'm now more worried about Orlando than Cleveland, but both teams are now better than last season. If we can see the full Celtics roster healthy and hustling, we can beat them both, I believe. Some say that more transactions on our part are going to be necessary to win it all again, and the Celtics have shown that they agree (as seen by their current website headline) by first taking care of what's really important: finding the hottest women in massachusetts who will dance provocatively during time-outs so ticket holders can (men) point skywards and pray for wardrobe malfunctions or (women) complain about the pointlessness of cheerleaders as they broadcast their jealousy like a bad radio show. Maybe if you tried a little harder in gym class rather than going to the nurse's office with your injury-du-jour you'd be on the team during the game rather than after it, ladies. Anyways, I do hope the front office recognizes the need to beef up a little bit. I am still advocating less Moore/Marbury and more players that are good, hopefully that happens.

Oh and I forgot to mention that way back in May, Sam Cassell was made an assistant coach in Washington, so all the best to him with that.

Ridiculous Celtics trade rumor # 2

Seems poor Rondo can't stay out of trade rumors. With the draft coming up in a day, rumors are flying, here's the latest: Rondo, Scal and Giddens to Memphis for Rudy Gay and Mike Conley. This particular article doesn't mention Giddens, cause I guess they had other, more urgent rumors to spread and couldn't be bothered giving us the full maybe-truth. After some searching around online, I found that he was involved in the rumor that some say is a complete lie, and others say is practically a done deal.

Again, it is impossible to tell if this is remotely true, but we'll keep you somewhat posted.

Ridiculous Celtics trade rumor #1

According to yahoo sports, lower-level (than Ainge) executives are playing feel out/up the competition for trades.


"D-town? No Thanks!"

No one has confirmed this, but "league sources" said the the C's offered Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen to Detroit for Richard Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince and Rodney Stuckey. Ray Allen has one year left and will be a FA after next season. He will probably have to settle for less since after this since he is in his mid-30's. Rondo has a rookie contract which ends after the upcoming season, however the Celtics can extend it by one year now, and we will have him for next season and the season after. I see this being in the Celtic's best interest since he is one of the best point guards in the league and makes far less money than he deserves. The Celtics can also wait on his extension and make him a restricted free agent after next season. Why give teams the chance to drive his salary up and force us to match if we want to keep him?

So getting rid of these guys makes no sense, let's see if acquiring those guys from the pistons makes any.

Prince: good passing forward, fast with some size and mediocre scoring.
Stuckey: speedy and scores relatively well. he can play both point and shooting guard, but isn't really your standard point guard.
Hamilton: 31-year-old guard-forward with a very solid offensive game, nothing amazing though.

It would be nice to have another option at the small forward position, but we end up with no point guards in this trade and Detroit loses too much to justify their desire for Rondo (remember AI? hahaha)

The article later says Detroit immediately said no to this trade idea, but another article here says Ainge also immediately said no. In fact, Ainge said, "I'm not sure why his name keeps popping up, but I'll tell you this: We love Rajon, and I think everyone in here knows what kind of a player he is and what kind of a bright future he has."

He makes another quote which is worth mentioning, "And I hope you can all maintain your integrity in this world of media that we live in. It doesn't seem that you have to have any source anymore. You can just write stuff and print stuff and things just come out of the air." I agree with this, but apparently yahoo sports does not. Rather than saying, "Hey here's some heresay trade rumors..." they print it as if it's common knowledge. I hope I have at least made it clear that these rumors are exactly that.