Portland Ready to Come Out Guns Blazing

TELFAIR HAS FIFTY PILLOWS FULL OF GUNS READY TO GO

The Celtics head to Portland today to play the Jailblazers, who we recently beat 115-83 in the *Ryan Gomes Coming-Out Party*. Although the Blazers just picked up the Ukraine Train in a trade, I don't believe it will be enough for the Blazers to win, because the Blazers will be distracted trying to transfer all of Ruben Patterson's sex offender information to Colorado.

KEYS TO THE GAME
1) Find a third scorer.
It was Raef in the first matchup. With Delonte stepping up in Wally's absence, someone needs to fill the position of complementary scorer. It could be Raef again, because the Blazers are too lazy to rotate to the perimeter.
2) Stop Zach Randolph.
Stop their one stud, and you've got them. Let him go, and the Blazers' shooters can pick you apart.
3) Dominate the boards.
Crappy teams like the Blazers thrive when they get second chances. The Blazers miss a lot of shots, so the Celtics are going to have to dominate the boards. Look no further than the first game, when the Celtics outrebounded the Blazers 38-22.
4) Get a lead early, dominate the third period.
The Celtics are getting pretty good at this, so it wouldn't hurt to get some extra practice.

Prediction:
Celtics 115, Blazers 83