Knicks' Backs are Broken

LARRY BROWN WISHES HE KNEW HOW TO QUIT THE KNICKS; ISIAH WISHES HE JUST HAD THAT SHOOT-FIRST POINT GUARD HE NEEDS TO BE A TITLE CONTENDER; MARV "JAWS" ALBERT JUST WISHES HE COULD WEAR FISHNET STOCKINGS AND A LEATHER MASK TO WORK

The Celtics made the Knicks their prison bitch tonight, dominating the entire game en route to a billion point victory. Interestingly, my prediction that the Celtics would win 287-71 wasn't that far off.

The story of the game was the gross incompetence of the Knicks. It never gets old watching this group fail. Nobody deserves it more than these d-bags. The Celtics basically bent the Knicks over and took turns paddling the snot out of them.

So who dished out the best beating?

Paul Pierce scored 22 points in 29 minutes, which is pretty good considering Paul was playing on his PSP throughout.

Dwayne Jones got into the game for six minutes, which is slightly less insulting to the other team than punting the ball out of bounds as an offensive strategy.

Raef looked like Frankenstein Steve Kerr.

Gomes had 15 points and 13 rebounds.

Perk pulled down 12 rebounds in 26 minutes, but that wasn't the best part. He gave the evil eye to Jackie Butler, who peed down his leg in response.

But the best player for the Celtics, when it comes to humilating the Knicks.

GERALD GREEN, son.

8 points on 4-5 shooting, and he was hitting from EVERYWHERE. Remember when I told you that his release is superstar quick? Yessir, he's the man.

On to the superlatives!

MVP: This has to go to Doc!
6 players in double figures, dominating victory, plenty of PT for the rookie.

LVP: Steve Francis.
6 points? 2 assists? This is the guy you traded for, Isiah?

Doc's Grade: A++++++++++++++
Loved teeing off against the Knicks. Perfect confidence booster for the stretch run.

Ref's Grade: D
Eddie Curry is a goon, and should never get to the line the way he plows around.




Some random notes:

-The Celtics are becoming a pretty good free-throw shooting team. Perkins and Jefferson are spotty, but the rest of the team is more than solid. Gomes is money.

-Speaking of Gomes, he KILLS small lineups. He struggles when matched up against a big, physical front line, but he had nine rebounds in the first half against the undersized Knicks front line. A big reason why he does such a good job is that he gets position underneath the ball, goes straight up, and catches it with both hands. Once he gets stronger in his lower body, he will be able to push the big guys out of the way and he won't struggle against bigs as much.

-Gomes has three blocks all season. Delonte has 44!

-I just noticed that Shawn Marion is averaging 12 rebounds a game this season? How tall is he? You guessed it- 6'7".

-The Celtics are best in an up-tempo game. Because he is such a good jump shooter/drive to the basket player, people forget how good Paul is in the open floor. Delonte is great at being in control while going 95% speed. He can pass on the move. Hopefully, the Celtics' coaching staff will realize this and push the tempo more often. If we're going to be a little undersized, what's the point in trying to grind it out every night?