HOLY HELL

BAD TIME TO BE A PATHETIC CELTICS BLOGGER- CELTICS FANS BEG FOR MERCY AS CELTICS GO INTO "I'D RATHER BE MASTERBATING" MODE IN THE FOURTH QUARTER, LOSE GIGANTIC LEAD TO CAVS, FALL TO 1-5, NO END IN SIGHT

I don't read other Celtics' blogs a whole lot, but I can tell already that there has been plenty of bitching, finger-pointing, and overanalyzing being done over there, so I'll try to pull out the points worth pondering.

1) The Cavaliers would be the worst team in the league if it weren't for Lebron. What a horror show. I can't believe Simmons picked them to make it to the NBA Finals... or win... whatever, he's a doofus.

2) Perkins had a good game for the C's, his first of the season. That makes me happy. It also made me squeal with glee when he smashed Lebron in the fourth, pinata style. Nobody fouls like Perk. Nobody.

3) Pierce has been shockingly un-clutch this season. Even the one game the Celtics won he had 12 turnovers. However, he doesn't look slow out there, and his defense and rebounding have both been good. He will turn it around, although while I type this he already has two turnovers against the Magic. Yamma hamma.

4) Tony Allen is playing well enough to keep Gerald on the bench. There's a mindmeld for ya.

5) Tony Battie is starting over Darko. I can't tell if that makes Joe Dumars or Danny Ainge look more stupid.

6) Delonte and Telfair got crazy minutes together the other night, and they both played well. Of course, it sucks that Wally is hurt and Rondo looks brain damaged in every other game, but whatever. We love Delonte, and we love the fact that Telfair tried to ice Fabolous. Serves that jackass right for spelling his own name wrong. Look out, Ludacris.

7) The Celtics had an incredibly balanced attack the other night, with every starter scoring in double figures. The Cavs had two. The moral is that balance sucks.

8) The Celtics will go on a winning streak, folks. And it starts tonight!

PREDICTION AFTER WATCHING THE FIRST QUARTER AGAINST THE MAGIC

Celtics 199, Magic 24. Celtics don't allow the Magic to score in the final three quarters, Gerald Green scores 82 points.