PLAYOFF HOPES HANG IN THE BALANCE

SCALABRINE HOPES THAT SELF-DESIGNED NEW UNIFORMS WILL GIVE CELTICS AN EDGE FOR THE STRETCH RUN; I*HEART*CELTICS STAFF ORDERS A CRATE FULL OF THEM

Knicks' Backs are Broken

LARRY BROWN WISHES HE KNEW HOW TO QUIT THE KNICKS; ISIAH WISHES HE JUST HAD THAT SHOOT-FIRST POINT GUARD HE NEEDS TO BE A TITLE CONTENDER; MARV "JAWS" ALBERT JUST WISHES HE COULD WEAR FISHNET STOCKINGS AND A LEATHER MASK TO WORK

The Celtics made the Knicks their prison bitch tonight, dominating the entire game en route to a billion point victory. Interestingly, my prediction that the Celtics would win 287-71 wasn't that far off.

The story of the game was the gross incompetence of the Knicks. It never gets old watching this group fail. Nobody deserves it more than these d-bags. The Celtics basically bent the Knicks over and took turns paddling the snot out of them.

So who dished out the best beating?

Paul Pierce scored 22 points in 29 minutes, which is pretty good considering Paul was playing on his PSP throughout.

Dwayne Jones got into the game for six minutes, which is slightly less insulting to the other team than punting the ball out of bounds as an offensive strategy.

Raef looked like Frankenstein Steve Kerr.

Gomes had 15 points and 13 rebounds.

Perk pulled down 12 rebounds in 26 minutes, but that wasn't the best part. He gave the evil eye to Jackie Butler, who peed down his leg in response.

But the best player for the Celtics, when it comes to humilating the Knicks.

GERALD GREEN, son.

8 points on 4-5 shooting, and he was hitting from EVERYWHERE. Remember when I told you that his release is superstar quick? Yessir, he's the man.

On to the superlatives!

MVP: This has to go to Doc!
6 players in double figures, dominating victory, plenty of PT for the rookie.

LVP: Steve Francis.
6 points? 2 assists? This is the guy you traded for, Isiah?

Doc's Grade: A++++++++++++++
Loved teeing off against the Knicks. Perfect confidence booster for the stretch run.

Ref's Grade: D
Eddie Curry is a goon, and should never get to the line the way he plows around.




Some random notes:

-The Celtics are becoming a pretty good free-throw shooting team. Perkins and Jefferson are spotty, but the rest of the team is more than solid. Gomes is money.

-Speaking of Gomes, he KILLS small lineups. He struggles when matched up against a big, physical front line, but he had nine rebounds in the first half against the undersized Knicks front line. A big reason why he does such a good job is that he gets position underneath the ball, goes straight up, and catches it with both hands. Once he gets stronger in his lower body, he will be able to push the big guys out of the way and he won't struggle against bigs as much.

-Gomes has three blocks all season. Delonte has 44!

-I just noticed that Shawn Marion is averaging 12 rebounds a game this season? How tall is he? You guessed it- 6'7".

-The Celtics are best in an up-tempo game. Because he is such a good jump shooter/drive to the basket player, people forget how good Paul is in the open floor. Delonte is great at being in control while going 95% speed. He can pass on the move. Hopefully, the Celtics' coaching staff will realize this and push the tempo more often. If we're going to be a little undersized, what's the point in trying to grind it out every night?

Orien Arrested for Speeding (UPDATE)

That's the report.

Investigators say the 24-year-old Green was driving more than 80 mph when he passed a police officer at Main and Linden streets early Monday morning. The officer gave chase and said Greene's SUV passed several cars and reached speeds of 90 mph.

Greene eventually stopped and was arrested at 3:20 a.m.

He was charged with failure to stop for police, operating to endanger, a marked lanes violation and speeding.

A spokesperson for the Celtics said the team is handling the matter internally.

Forgive my cynicism, but chances are Orien was not driving that fast in the first place, pulled over once he saw the cops coming, and apologized profusely. As a person who has been pulled over for doing 40 in a 40 zone, 25 in a 20, accused of doing 55 in a 30 zone when an EMT on a bike called the cops and estimated that's how fast I was going, and lectured about not pulling over fast enough when I was in the fast lane during busy traffic... I think I have earned the right to be a snot when it comes to "speeding" violations... and I'm not a young black dude driving a pimped-out SUV.

Chances are, these charges will be dropped, and Scalabrine will get pulled over for doing 95 mph just to prove that HE is the only NASCAR-quality driver on the roster.

UPDATE:

Apparantly, all OGreene had to do was pay $200 bucks. What a criminal. It was fun watching the Celticsblog crowd freak out about it, though!

As for Wyc's punishment, it will probably be a one-game suspension, but what it SHOULD be is 1,000 hours of community service i.e. learning how to make a jump shot.

UPDATE AGAIN:

Danny said today that Orien will be suspended "indefinitely". That means one game. No chance of federal pound me in the ass prison.

New York Knicks- the Only Team Name that Doubles as a Punchline

CRYBABY COACHES, MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CRIPPLES, CANNIBALISTIC PERVERT ANNOUNCERS, SEX FREAK IGNORAMUS GENERAL MANAGERS... NOBODY HAS ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE FUN OF ALL THESE JACKASSES

So, we here at I*Heart*Celtics have been frustrated by the poor play down the stretch of our beloved Celtics, but watching the Knicks has softened the blow. We have watched with glee as Isiah "Cheap Shot" Thomas got slapped with a lawsuit for slapping too much boot-ay in the front office, players started referring to themselves in the first person using nicknames that they have given themselves, Larry Brown got exposed for the quack he is, and the Knicks carefully positioned themselves to be among the worst teams in the NBA for decades to come.

You know your franchise sucks when you yearn for the days of Jeff Van Gundy clinging to Alonzo Mourning's leg like Brian Scalabrine to the last sausage-and-pudding stuffed donut. That was one of the most pathetic moments in world history, and those were your glory days, Knicks fans.

Since we have already skewered Isiah, and "Starbury" and "Frachise" are washed up enough that I don't care, I will direct my assault today on the coach of the Knicks- Larry "why are my underpants" Brown.

Yes, the coach that, as a player, pioneered the shoot-first point guard position. Let's check his stats from his pro career.

He averaged 15 points, 8 assists, and a whopping 5 turnovers per game for his career in the ABA. To put that in perspective, the league leader in turnovers per game this season is Gilbert Arenas with 3.6 per.

He shot 41% from the field, 23% from downtown. Let's just put it this way- if Larry Brown had himself as a player... the coach would be calling his personal contract lawyer to find out how quickly he can jump ship without losing money.

It's interesting that in an era where players are constantly criticized for being all about the money, not caring about the purity of the game, that someone like Larry Brown can continue to be praised around the league. Larry Brown is EVERYTHING wrong about basketball.

1) He has no loyalty to anyone, and he will always manage to stab someone in the back on his way out of town.
2) He has a massive ego that will not coexist with anyone else. He has to be the star, and he has to be the center of attention. He will even fake health problems to achieve this.
3) He complains to the media before talking to his team, yet he takes his ball, cries, and goes home whenever a player responds in public. He demands that his team keeps the problems within the team- but excuses himself from this duty.
4) He milks phantom injuries for all they're worth.
5) He never, ever, EVER honors his contract. He will negotiate for his next job mid-season, half-ass the rest of the way, and then complain about his players when they don't play well.
6) He is a money-grubbing scrooge that will always go wherever the pay is the best, and will only stay long enough to squeeze as much money out of the team as he can.
7) He is a hypocrite that never practices what he preaches. He was an out-of-control point guard that turned the ball over like crazy and couldn't shoot from outside, but he demands that his point guards protect the ball like it contains nuclear secrets and the opponent is a Soviet spy.
8) He always wants the cameras on him, but he never accepts criticism.
9) He sucks at life.

Think of the most selfish, obnoxious professional athlete you've ever known, and I challenge you to see if they have all of these qualities.

Terrell Owens? At least he plays through pain. Kobe? Honors his contract and you could say he has been pretty loyal to the Lakers. Prince Vince? Close, but he can at least be on a team with other stars.

Think about it!

As for the game, the Celtics cannot lose. I would rather the Celtics lose to the Perkins School for the Blind women's team than the Knicks.

KEYS TO THE GAME
1) Remember that you are playing the Knicks. They can't rebound, play defense, pass, or shoot from the outside. As a team working together with no time limit, they could probably score about a 550 on the SAT's. Adjust accordingly.

2) Remember that if you win, you get to watch Larry whine like a puppy that just got punted down a flight of stairs. You also might get to watch Stephon talk about how much of a superstar he is- he is a little more deluded than Michael Jackson at this point.

3) Get the Truth back on track. This would be a great starting point for another awesome 13-game stretch for our hero.

PREDICTION
Celtics jump out to an early lead, Larry Brown fakes a heart condition, Stephon gets distracted looking at his reflection and skips the second half, Celtics win, Isiah says "DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR", Marv Albert goes home to chomp on his new mistress.

Celtics 287, Knicks 71

Gordon Grinds Out a Victory

CELTICS ORDER THEIR 'BOSTON CELTICS' CHAIRS FOR LOTTERY NIGHT; DANNY AINGE PRACTICES FAKE SMILE FOR WHEN WE GET THE 13th PICK IN A CRAPPY DRAFT; I AM ALTERNATELY CURSING AND CRYING AS I TYPE THIS

The Celtics needed a win today, and every time the Celtics need a win you can count on them losing the game, usually in humilating fashion. I can't think of a single time this season during the stretch run where the Celtics have pulled out a crucial victory. The Celtics had a decent lead heading into the final quarter, but were beaten like a red headed stepchild in the final frame.

I am going to go straight to the superlatives because I want to get right into my post-loss sulk that will go on for the rest of the evening.

MVP: Perkins. This man is a rebounding machine. 14 boards in 23 minutes, plus 5 blocked shots and only two fouls. But 23 minutes?!?

LVP: Scalabrine. Not only did this puffy bastard go scoreless in 11 minutes, but he committed three fouls and turned the ball over twice. I'm not a coach but I think those minutes should have gone to Perkins.

Doc's Grade: I'll give him a D minus. No good coach lets a team come back from ten down in the final quarter. He doesn't get an 'F' just because the Celtics rebounded really well.

Ref's Grade: If these refs were in my class, I pull down their pants and beat them silly with a yardstick. Then I would poop in their backpack and have Scal eat their lunch.

Silver lining: Wally went to the line five times, which is good for the Celtics.

The rest of the cloud: The Celtics have as good of a shot making the playoffs as Scalabrine does as becoming an underwear model. Sure, he could be a plus-sized model, but the chances aren't good.

BAH!!!

CELTICS NEED WIN, GET SERVED PLATE OF HUMILATION INSTEAD; PLAYOFF HOPES TAKE SERIOUS HIT; SCALABRINE SERIOUSLY HITS THE MCDONALD'S DRIVE-THRU TO EAT AWAY HIS SORROWS

Nothing sums up a game quite like Doc.

"I thought, for whatever reason, our spirit was broken in the third and fourth quarters."

That makes a whole lot of sense. For whatever reason, I think Doc coached like a drunken parent in the stands at a little league game. Devoid of logic, confused and irritable, incoherent speech, and no clue about what is going on.

Superlative time!

MVP: Delonte West. 14 points, 7 assists, and 7 rebounds. The best part is that he played 42 minutes. The more DWest means less of OGreen. DWest recently said that OGreen "looks like a clown". Not really... he just plays like he's wearing clown shoes.

LVP: OGreen. 2 turnovers in four minutes? That sounds about right.

Doc's Grade: F
If you think that your team's spirit is broken, FIX IT. I don't understand what exactly broke the team's spirit. It doesn't make sense. The teams were tied at the half and the Celtics were leading by one to start the fourth. Maybe their spirit was broken when they realized that they would get better coaching from a Cavs fan picked at random from the crowd. Maybe their spirit was broken when they realized that they were in a close game with real playoff significance, which means an automatic loss in the Doc Era.

Ref's Grade: F
If the Celtics went to the line more, we would have won this game. I blame the refs for our lack of aggressiveness.

Hold! HOOOOOOLD!!!!!

CELTICS PREPARE TO SKEWER SO-CALLED 'BASKETBALL JESUS', WHO WILL FOOLISHLY LEAD A CAVALRY CHARGE INTO A PIKE LINE/HAILSTORM OF BULLETS FROM TONY ALLEN

The last time the Celtics played the Cavs, it was a great game. Pierce and one of the Lebrons went toe-to-toe, with the Cavs ultimately getting the win. I can't remember, but I think it was because they cheated.

Whatever, it's all in the past, and none of that will matter after the Celtics put a whooping on the Cavs that will make Lebron cry more than JJ Redick and Adam Morrison combined. If this happens, the Cavs will not be able to make the playoffs because Lebron will be crying, like, all the time.

The C's match up really well with the Cavs. At point guard, Delonte can handle Eric Snow. At shooting guard, the Cavs apparantly start the Houston-based rhymeslinger 'Lil Flip. Matching up against Wally World means GAME OVER.

The X-factor is the bench. Damon Jones is most threatening when he is wearing his blood-red checkerboard suit with matching fedora. Not really threatening in a basketball sense, but threatening to destroy every rod and cone I have in my eyes.

KEYS TO THE GAME

1) Don't give up offensive rebounds. Drew Gooden may have an overbite and the IQ of a cookie, but he can crash the glass with the best of them. The Cavs don't shoot well or execute well, but when they rebound offensively they cash in on their second chances.

2) Pierce should get mad, he should get even. This is REVENGE. Pierce loves revenge.

3) Keep the game in perspective. No, I don't mean, "one game at a time". I mean, "if we don't win all the games like this for the rest of the season, we won't get the chance to humilate Detroit in the first round".

PREDICTION
Lebron held scoreless, Pierce pops off for a casual 82 points to stick it to Lebron and Black Mamba at the same time.
Celtics 192, Cavs 12

Boozer Sues Prince. I*Heart*Celtics staff rush to Purple Patriarch's Defense

My favorite basketball website, hoopshype.com, reports that the greedy buttface formerly known as carlos boozer has sued multi-platinum musical genius Prince. According to them:

The dispute is over unauthorized work done on a 10-bedroom Hollywood mansion that Boozer’s real estate company has been renting out to Prince’s record label at $70K per month. Boozer’s company claims Prince’s label violated the lease by painting the exterior of the house purple, including the famous Prince symbol and 3121, the name of Prince’s new album. On the inside of the house, purple carpet was put in the master bedroom and extra plumbing was added to another bedroom to operate beauty salon chairs.

We here at I*Heart*Celtics.com will not stand for this heinous beligerance. We have seen Purple Rain on numerous occasions (I think my boy Nic actually has the purple DVD reissue) and we happen to like it. We enjoy "Little Red Corvette" even more than Scalabrine enjoys a carafe of warm buttermilk. For that reason our I*heart*Celtics.com lawyers (consisting of a donkey-punch from the Kandi Man and the legal nastiness of John Bagley, Esquire) have decided to counter-sue Boozer for being a Duke cry baby from Alaska that is quickly turning into the Rocky Mountain Mark Blount. Here's why I think Boozer is a loser:

1. Boozer's lawsuit is hypocritical for accusing Prince of a Breech in contract. Boozer signed a 5-year, $50+ million contract with the Jazz before last season. Since then, he has played in 69 out of 149 games. Thats not even half of your games Boozer! What if Prince only wore his suede pants half as tight, or only ripped guitar solos with technicolored lightening bolts coming out of the headstock of his axe during half of his Purple Rain guitar solos? Lo siento Carlos, I think you are the one breaching your contract, you fart-sucker.

2. If you rent a house to Prince, you should assume it will be painted purple before he even enters the door. I mean, come on. This is the guy who once told a reporter "I'm not homosexual, I'm not heterosexual, I'm just Sexual." You should be glad there's nothing more than a little purple paint, carpeting, and a few salon chairs. Just wait till you see the purple rainforest he made in the bathroom or the walls of his purple-striped zebra's cage he made completely out of hamster fur dyed in melted grape popsicles.

3. Prince is way cooler than Boozer. Let's face it, Prince rocked a sold out concert with Miles Davis. Boozer tosses outlet passes to Matt Harpring in front of a half-capacity crowd of 90-year-olds at the Delta Center. Prince has a cool symbol that is synonimous with his name. Boozer's calling card is "DNP-strained groin". Prince has had awesomely talented bands called "The Revolution" and "The New Power Generation". Boozer's back up group consists of Greg Ostertag, Milt Palacio, Gordon Garicek, and the rest of the oxyMoronic Utah Jazz.

So there you have it Judge Judy. Boozer is crazy, and Prince is the man. I sentence you, Mr. Boozer, to 3121 Blumpkins payable to Greg Ostertag without Bail. Court dismissed...

...and by the way, Kenton Paulino's shot tonight for my Longhorns was basically the best thing I've ever seen. Especially after watching Duke lose. It was one of the best nights of my life. That last 30 seconds of the UT-WV game was just amazing. All I can say is that the Celtics should trade up for LaMarcus Aldrige. He is the REAL DEAL. Mark my words.........haters........

What have we learned?

As my main man Keytown pointed out last night, the Celtics posted a list of superlatives on their website the other day. This information is quite enlightening when it comes to our understanding about the C's. Here's what I have learned:

1) Most alarming was the team's response to the question, "Who talks the most trash?" SCALABRINE??? Then I figured, the Celtics that voted for Scal probably thought the question was, "Who eats out of the trash the most?"

2) Kendrick Perkins' nickname is apparantly 'Swamp Thang'. Look for him this summer in the blockbuster, "SWAMP THANG'S REVENGE" co-starring Brian Scalabrine. The exciting yet sensible film will premiere at Cannes. Fom what we understand, it details the torturous journey of a stylin' black dude that gets bitten by a fat redheaded goblin (Scals will play himself) and develops swamp ass powers. He swears revenge.

We here at I*Heart*Celtics.com have received a leaked look of the first promotional poster for the film, shown to the right.

3) Kendrick Perkins is madly in love with Tony Allen. He voted Tony Allen for 'Best Nickname', 'Most Rounded Athlete', and 'Biggest Gym Rat'. I wouldn't say anything, but when you see that he also voted for Tony Allen for 'Sexiest Abs'... well, that gave it away.

4) Scalabrine fancies himself a good driver. In my experience, anyone who says they're a good driver actually drives like an old woman wearing six-inch lenses and lead boots.

Scalabrine takes it a step further, however- he thinks he is capable of hacking it on the NASCAR track. News flash, Veal, NASCAR guys are the people that spend their afternoons in high school doing laps around town hoping that people will see them driving a car. These people tend to barely graduate from high school, drop out of UMass, sell drugs, and then spend their 20's living with their parents and driving laps around town.

NASCAR takes slightly less talent than darts, slightly less intelligence than professional wrestling, and slightly less athleticism than professional poker. Scal is perfect.

5) Orien Greene got a lot of votes for "most well-rounded athlete". If by "well-rounded athlete" you mean "capable of leading the team in turnovers, fewest points, and fouls"... that would make more sense.

6) Ryan Gomes is too cute for words. Sigh.....

7) Most importantly, the Celtics appear to be loose and ready for a ridiculous run to the playoffs in the final weeks of the season. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, CELTICS IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!! YYYYYYEAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Celtics Superlatives

The page at the following address covers a handful of the opinions that some of the C's players have of their teammates.

http://www.nba.com/celtics/news/superlatives_032206.html

About Scals being in NASCAR...I think there is no way Brian could maneuver through the window to get behind the wheel unless he starts laying off the all-you-can-eats for $9.99.

Oh, Gerald Greene's dunk was nasty even if it was with only 1.9 ticks left in a game already decided. I definitely am looking forward to viewing it again on SC's Top 10 list.

Celtics win.... FATALITY

The Boston Celtics put a prehistoric beatdown on the lamest franchise in professional basketball, the Toronto Raptors.

Raptors fans started the game by repeating, "I'm Mike James, BITCH!" over and over again as James scored 10 points in the first quarter. Sadly, Canadians didn't get the joke in the first place, screwed it up, and they still think it's funny. Wow.

Even more sadly, they get fired up because they have Mike James as their point guard. Let me break it to you, Canucks- Mike James has been around the block so many times it's a virtual guarantee that he has the clap.

Then, the Celtics put a whooping on those purple bitches, winning 110-96. The Canadians fought about as hard as the French during naptime. Pierce scored 32 points, Tony Allen played his third excellent game in a row (11 points), and even Dwayne Jones got into the game.

GGreen ended the slaughter with a ridiculous alley-oop dunk with one second left, then Scalabrine ripped the head off of the Raptors' mascot while the Kandi Man smoked the courtside hand chalk in celebration.

Superlatives!

MVP: Pierce... 32 points in a nearly effortless performance.

LVP: Loren Woods. Check out this line.
4 minutes, 0 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 2 turnovers, and a technical foul. A performance like that should be an automatic kick in the nuts and a one-way ticket to the NBDL.

Scal Report: Scalabrine had 8 points, 3 rebounds, and his customary 5 fouls. BOOYAH.

Doc's Grade: B+
Nice win, but you get docked points for losing to the Raptors last time. I get an "A+" for making a brilliant pun.

Celtics Host Purple Dinosaurs

RAPTORS CONTINUE TO BE CREEPY, PSEUDO-SEXUAL, AND DEFINITELY WEIRD TO LEAVE ALONE WITH YOUR KIDS

The Toronto Raptors should not be that bad. Here's their best players.

F- Chris Bosh (23ppg, 9rpg)
PG- Mike James (19 ppg, 5apg)
SG- Mo Pete (15ppg, 5rpg)
F- Charlie Hairless (12 ppg, 6rpg)

And after that, you have a tatooed goon from Bring 'em Young, one of the Graham's that didn't invent the delicious cracker, and a redhead- Matt "Instant" Bonner.

The Celtics should win this game, but they should have won the last game too. Unfortunately, Bonnertime was drilling threes like Travis Knight... or something... and the Celtics blew it big time. You never like to lose a basketball game to some dudes wearing purple tights.

The last matchup between the two teams was weird. Both shot about 55% from the field, the turnover battle was pretty even, the Celtics dominated the points in the paint (55-16!!!), won the rebounding battle... but were outscored from the free throw line by 13 points. OGreene, Raef, and Scal were playing grabass all night, and as much as I like to channel my frustration towards the refs... the Celts weren't ripped off. OGreene was playing basketball like a starving escaped mental patient, Raef was stumbling around like a crazed zombie, and Scal was trying to frisk his man for tater tots all night.

KEYS TO THE GAME

1. Celtics players, listen to the keys of the game. I hatehatehate writing post-game wrap-ups when we lose to scrub franchises like the Toronto Raptors. Listen to me and you will win.

2. Defensive fundamentals. Move your feet on defense and get a hand in their face. We don't have many shot blockers, but we have many players in the post that believe they are shot-blockers. AL! PAY ATTENTION! Players like Bosh get to the line because they lure their defender off balance and take the contact. It's pretty simple- don't leave your feet on defense and don't reach.

3. Dominate the paint again. A big advantage in the paint will pay off huge as long as the Raptors don't make eleven threes again. The Raptors are athletic, but they can get pushed around like the kid with coke bottle glasses on the playground.

4. Attack the basket. Fight fire with fire. Get to the rim, get to the line, and it will be an easy victory.

PREDICTION
Celtics beat up on the Raptors like a rented mule.

Celtics 102, Raptors 81

Celtics Enjoy the Off-Day

PAUL PIERCE SIGNS BASKETBALLS




DOC SEEKS PROFESSIONAL HELP




THE TEAM PRACTICES FREE THROWS





WALLY DANCES AROUND IN A WEIRD SWEATSUIT





THE I*HEART*CELTICS STAFF LAUGHS AT THIS PICTURE OF ISIAH THOMAS CRAPPING HIS PANTS WHILE GRAPPLING WITH KOBE





SCALABRINE DOMINATES LOCAL HOT-DOG EATING CONTEST

LAKERS WIN

SATAN STILL KEEPING KOBE'S SEAT WARM IN HELL; BLOGGER.COM FINALLY ENDS JIHAD AGAINST PHOTOSHOP IMAGES

When the Lakers go on the road, the host city usually puts a 6pm curfew on all underage girls and the local diamond dealers dust off their multi-million dollar rings just in case there needs to be a quick post rape trial Kobe Bryant marraige mending in order. Boston was no different, but unfortunately, the lack of women to take advantage of allowed Kobe to focus on what he does best- jacking up shots and inflating his own statistics.

Kobe took 39 shots tonight, but unfortunately it led to 43 points and the Celtics never really had a chance to win this game. Of course, for the victory Kobe had to pledge Satan his everlasting soul. Satan responded, "You have no soul, you crazy bastard, but since you are spreading evil so well on earth, I guess I owe you one victory over the Boston Celtics."

On to the superlatives while we wait for Kobe's arraignment.

MVP: Tony Allen, for the second game in a row. 18 points and 4 blocks?!?

LVP: Big Al... what went wrong? Are any players in the NBA regressing as quickly as Jefferson is? Let's hope he turns it around. Tony did!

Doc's Grade: B-
That second quarter was a mess... it was nice to see the Celtics make a comeback and the playing time was distributed nicely.

Ref's Grade: What do you think? Kobe was in the game, so it's an automatic "F" for these schmucks.

Beat the Pacers, Rinse, Repeat

CELTICS PIMP SLAP PACERS FOR THIRD TIME THIS SEASON; PACERS TAKE ANGER OUT ON RANDOM DUDES IN THE CROWD

The Celtics ended their otherwise atrocious road trip with a nice win against the Indiana Pacers tonight 103-88. Pierce led all Celtics scorers with 22 points, but the story of the night was Tony Allen. Allen scored 14 points in 10 minutes, but more importantly, showed the spring and pluck that we haven't seen since he beat the piss out of that dude in Chicago during the offseason.

The game was close until the Celtics decided to put the pedal to the metal in the fourth- outscoring the Pacers 31-17 in the final frame to cruise to an easy victory.

On to the superlatives!

MVP: Tony Allen. He may not have been the most valuable because he only played ten minutes, but 14 points in 10 minutes is very impressive. Also, we here at I*Heart*Celtics.com are scared of him and we use this award for our own safety as well. Anyway, Tony was a big part of the fourth quarter beat down, and it's great to see him improve throughout the season after a devastating knee injury.

LVP: Scalabrine. He didn't play and neither did Kandi Man, but Kandi Man didn't eat everyone's lunch during the morning shootaround.

Worst Player of the Game: Jamaal Tinsley. The more talented of the Pacers' chubby point guards, Tinsley jacked up 12 shots in 19 minutes and only made two of them. News flash- if your fattest player is your point guard... put that bastard on a diet. The amount Jamaal is on the injured list, you don't notice that his ailments range from, "knee strain due to overwhelming fatness" to "obesity-driven dementia" to "scurvy". The man needs another hamburger like Vin Baker needs another 7AM vodka shooter.

Doc's Replacement Grade: A
Bravo, Doc's second in command. Big win.

Ref's Grade: F
Stephen Jackson belongs in prison.

Suckiest Website Ever: Blogger.com, who has jerked us around for five days before randomly deciding that we couldn't post Photoshop images. Yep... to answer your question, it DOES feel like Italy in 1938.

BLOGGER.COM BLOWS

I apologize for the lack of posting lately. I am going to put the blame squarely on the shoulders of Blogger.com, which for some reason has not allowed me to do anything for the last three days.

First, it would not allow me to publish a post because there were errors. Then, the site crashed. Now, it won't let me post pictures. I have had to bag three pretty decent posts thanks to this mayhem.

The silver lining with this experience is that whatever frustration I would have had towards the Celtics is now directed at Google. I hate Google more than Bill Lambieer, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, Kobe Bryant, and Steven A. Smith combined.

SCREW YOU, GOOGLE.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

CELTICS CAN'T FIND MAGIC TOUCH; UNLESS BY 'MAGIC' YOU MEAN 3-FOR-23 IN THE FOURTH QUARTER; CELTICS' STAFF SPENDS A LITTLE LESS TIME EVERY DAY PREPARING FOR NEXT GAME AND A LITTLE MORE TIME SCOUTING FOR THE DRAFT

The Celtics dropped a stupid game to the Magic tonight, shooting 32.5% from the field. To put that in perspective, Brian Scalabrine scored with 33% of the chicks he hit on while in college... and that's Brian Freaking Scalabrine we're talking about.

The worst part of the game was once again the fourth, as the young Celtics squad ran out of gas. The youngsters are less and less effective as the game goes on, which has been a problem throughout the road trip. The Magic plodded their way to victory and no one could stop them.

Let's not dwell on this one... if it makes you feel any better the BC Eagles are still in the tourney and the draft is looking deep this year!

MVP: Wally... simply because he was the only Celtic to score in double figures AND shoot better than 30% from the floor.

LVP: Gerald Green.
Should have gotten a LOT MORE done in the nine seconds of action he saw tonight. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, GERALD.

Doc's Grade: C
You can't blame Doc for all the missed shots, but the Magic suck and the Celtics have been horrid on this road trip. They have been as consistantly disappointing and error-prone as the "submit post" function at Blogger.com the last couple days.

Ref's Grade: B
Whatever... both teams made it to the line about the same amount, and it wasn't the refs that screwed us over tonight.

Road Trip Grade: F
We needed three wins, and we have lost three out of three. Quite frankly, that's not going to to get it done.

Would, Coulda, Shoulda....

...but the Celtics will be winning these games before you know it.

For the millionth time this season, the Celtics played one of the best teams in the NBA close until the final stretch, where they came up just short. The way the Celtics play the Pistons and the Heat, you would think we were playing for the third or fourth seed in the playoffs.

Unfortunately, the Celtics' potential has not translated into victories this season, and the C's dropped this one 107-104 after losing a 25-point lead. While it's easy to get pissed off because the Celtics lost the lead, remember that the NBA game does not lend itself to flukes. The better team always wins, because it's impossible to play way beyond your team potential for 48 minutes.

However, it's exciting to see that the Celtics can play with the Heat, even when the Heat get 30 points from Wade, 26 for Shaq, and 21 for JWill. The Celtics took Miami's best shot tonight.

In order for the Celtics to turn the corner and become one of the elite teams in the NBA, they are going to need to improve the following areas:

1) Low post play. With Perk and Jefferson, the Celtics should not get overpowered down low... but they do. Our young bigs are as foul-prone as they come. These guys need to learn how to either keep their arms straight up when someone goes to the basket or time their jumps better. Big Al jumps quickly enough that he should wait until the ball is released before he goes for the block... all of his fouls are body fouls. If the C's can keep these two in the game, they will have one of the best young frontcourts in the league.

2) Perimeter defense. Doc should hold a clinic on defensive slides, because the Celts reach a lot on the perimeter, don't defend the pass into the post consistantly, and struggle to double team.

3) Offensive execution. The Celtics can do a lot better spacing the floor. Too many times Pierce gets the ball in a mismatch, but the lane is clogged because someone like Raef is dragging his man through the paint. When the Celtics execute their offense, they can score on anyone.

How can they improve on these aspects?

1) Add players through the draft and free agency, NOT with trades. If you look at the best teams in the league, they keep their players. Sure, they could possibly make a trade and upgrade at some positions, but it's more important to have a team that works together.

2) Keep Doc. Installing a new system would be a disaster, but I will dedicate a whole column to this topic on a later date.

3) Reward success. Pay Pierce. Take care of the young guys before they become free agents. We have a team that likes to play hard and enjoys playing with one another. That's rare, so treat them right!

That's all for now.

Superlatives?

MVP: Wally World, who every game makes me realize that Danny is smarter than I am.
LVP: Scal. If basketball was like a hot-dog eating contest, Scal would have scored 45 points, grabbed 17 rebounds, dished out 29 assists, and blocked 20 shots. But, it's not, and Scal went scoreless with a turnover.

Doc's Grade: B+
The glaring error was having OGreene in there at the end... he can't shoot threes. Tony would have been the right choice. However, the Celtics played hard for Doc tonight, so I am going to give the man in charge the benefit of the doubt.

Ref's Grade: FFFFFFFFFFFF
DWade should not have been on the line once tonight.

Celtics Prepare to Beat the Heat

SCALABRINE STILL ON THE RUN; SHAQ STILL SEEKS GIANT MAGIC DOUGHNUT

The Celtics will be featured on TNT tonight when they square off against the Miami Heat down in Florida. You know what this means- Pierce will take his game to the next level.

The Celtics played the heat very close up in Boston last time, and I don't see any reason why they can't put up another good fight tonight. They need a win, but the Heat are on a roll.

KEYS TO THE GAME
1. Beat the leaving sh*t out of Shaq. We have a million fouls to give... if Scalabrine doesn't foul out tonight it will be a catastrophic failure. Shaq hates getting fouled, but getting fouled by pudgy redheads is enough to throw him into a rage where whole buffet lines are consumed.

2. Pierce must dominate. He's better than DWade, but he doesn't have to prove it to me- he has to prove it to the rest of America. If Pierce outplays Wade, the Celtics will win.

3. Spread the floor. The Celtics were settling for jump shots against Memphis like Dungeons and Dragons dudes settle for greasy fat chicks. There was no spacing, so no one was driving to the basket. This has to change, especially because the Heat have some big bodies inside that CANNOT move when they are more than ten feet from the basket. Raef, Delonte, Wally... you need to hit some threes.

PREDICTION

Celtics 114, Heat 109

News and Notes

-This may be the most boring day of the NBA season. Celtics lost big last night, no big stories... perhaps Isiah will try to monopolize the NBA headlines again by doing something dumb. Here's a list of available players that would be great signings for Isiah: Latrell Sprewell, Popeye Jones, Isiah Rider, and OF COURSE, Baby Jordan himself Harold Minor.

-Since there is nothing going on... I will address the Best Dressed competition on NBA.com.

Coming in last place (6th)- Dwight Howard. Not only has he buttoned the last button on his jacket, his suit has NO color whatsoever. C'mon, David Stern has more style that you, Dwight, and he thinks cumberbunds are cool. Also, he doesn't carry a Louis Vitton handbag. Yeeks. I hope he's carrying that for his girlfriend. OR HIS BOYFRIEND!!!! BAHHH!!!!!!

5th place- Quentin Richardson. If you're Q-Money, is this your thought process? "I am a fly looking brotha making millions playing basketball, I'll spend $3,000 on a suit so that I can look like a tiny little white dude on a morning talk show." Yes, Q, you look like Regis.

4th place- Trevor Ariza. This is proof that the dress code is stupid. Players think they have to dress like stockbrokers... which means if you are playing against the Kings you are likely to be punched in the face by Ron Artest.

3rd place- Damon Stoudamire. Hm... I think it's tough to pull off a suit that matches your skin tone almost exactly. I mean, I wouldn't wear a ham-colored suit. A conservative choice, but that's probably a good idea when you're getting a little long in the tooth like Mighty Mouse.

2nd place- Stephon Marbury. This man knows how to dress. I've always liked a dark jacket with lighter colored pants. Plus, his striped shirt and patterned tie works very well. His tie is a little short, which suggests earnestness and excitement. I also love the idea of him getting dressed in front of the mirror and saying to himself, "Looks good on you, STARBURY."

1st place- Amare Stoudemire. This is a great choice for the big man. He's only 20 or something like that, why would you dress like a stockbroker? You're a prep school kid, dress like a prep school kid! It takes confidence to rock a jacket and tie with the blue jeans, and he pulls it off.

I won't lie, he wins because it's something I would wear... but it's my post and I don't care what anyone thinks.

What the Tsakalidis was that?!???

CELTICS LET SLOTH RUN HOG WILD; TEAM WILL STRUGGLE TO WALK FOR WEEKS AFTER GETTING PLOWED FROM BEHIND BY TEAM OF GRIZZLIES

Wow. I don't want to dwell on this one because if I do it will just put me in a crappy mood and I will end up staying up late eating ice cream and crying.

Let's just say that I was going to do a preview of this game and spend the whole time making fun of Jake Tsakalidis because he looks like Sloth from the Goonies and then he went on and scored 19 points and grabbed 16 rebounds. Wha happened?!?!?

I am going straight to the superlatives.

MVP: Wally... but being the MVP of a team that loses by 17 is like being the best bullfighter in Alaska.

LVP: This was a tough battle. Gomes and DWest popping off for 4 points apiece? Pierce for playing like he was 47 years old? No... this award goes to Dwayne Jones, who played for three minutes and all he accomplished was bricking two free throws.

Unsung hero: This is the first and most likely only time I will say this all season, but Scal needed more minutes tonight. He shot 100% from the field, grabbed two offensive rebounds and dished out three assists without turning the ball over once or even fouling anybody.

Doc's Grade: Capital "F" with fifty minuses and seventy exclamation points. What a train wreck... the Celtics looked like they were expecting to play a charity game against the Harlem Globetrotters.

Ref's Grade: Um, C-? I would give them an "A" due to laziness and frustration toward the C's... but I hate grade inflation. Suck it, EARL!!!!

News and Notes

-Paul Pierce was named NBA Player of the Week in an obvious patch-job by the NBA after robbing him for Player of the Month. This is like sending a woman flowers after drunkenly making out with her mother, her best friend, and her little sister.

-The Celtics are embarking on a make-or-break road trip.
Tonight- Memphis
Thursday- Miami
Friday- Orlando
Sunday- Indiana

The way I see it, the Celtics should win three out of four. The Grizzles are so-so, the Heat are good, Orlando blows, and we own Indiana this year.


-The lawsuit against Isiah Thomas is heating up. Thomas said in a court document that the charges are "meritless", surprising everyone with his ability to bust out a three-syllable word. When questioned about his statement, Isiah responded, "I didn't write that, the blonde bitch in my office with the huge cans did." He then cut the interview short to make an offer of six years, $60 million to Popeye Jones. Yamma hamma... that Popeye Jones picture gives me the willies.

Whatever happens in this case, I still maintain that Isiah is as creepy as a dude in a raincoat in the adult section of the video store. He's also a bigger jackass than the guy in the Porsche screaming at a teenage girl working at a McDonald's drive-thru.

-In other Knicks news, Marbury said that he has to go back to being "Starbury", which apparanly means shooting a lot and losing even more. Larry Brown reacted by looking haggard and depressed, which is the same way he responds when confronted with a cute snuggly puppy, a family gathering, or Christmas.

-Shaq only played 3.5 minutes in a Heat victory the other night, and then declined to talk to reporters after the game. Basketball pundits are wondering if Shaq is miffed about the lack of playing time. Hmmmm.... DO YOU THINK?!? In other news, the sky is blue, the month is March, and ESPN basketball pundits suck harder than Brian Scalabrine trying to get the final drop of his daily steak egg and cheese milkshake through a straw.

What's playing on your favorite Celtic's iPod? Part I

Well the real answer is, I don't know. But after spending two thirds of the season watching this years batch of Celtics I feel like I can make a pretty good guess. These also make good theme songs to play at a dance party when you are forced to watch the Celtics with the sound off to avoid being called a sociopathic celtics-obsessed introvert. Its happened before....

Brian Scalabrine: No music. Only listens to cook-books on tape. Has playlists entitled "Bry-Bry's Fondue Mix '05" and "On-the-go Lasagna".

Micheal Olowakandi: "I Want Candy" by Aaron Carter. Ok, so not the most original nor the funniest joke I've ever made. But what if i told you when the Kandi-man sings outloud on the team airplane he replaces "Candy" with "Crack" and "to beat my wife" depending on the season.

Delonte West: "Baller Blockin'" by Cash Money Millionares. Sample lyric "Imma dog it ain't not secret i want it all / Tha coke, dope, hoes and tha fancy cars". Well, all I can say is the combination of Delonte's ability to block balls and want it all really matches the essence of this song. From his valentines day story highlighted by my boy Nic, we see he does indeed like the hoes and fancy cars too.

Gerald Green: "Gone to Carolina in My Mind" by James Taylor. This Green favorite became the soundtrack of his life after he missed a Celtics game because he "went to North Carolina to pick up his clothes". Oh God Gerald, get a better excuse for missing a game because you were looking in the mirror too long trying to get your headband that high on your head without it flingin off like a rubber band. Please let Scalabrine pick up your clothes next time.

Ryan Gomes: "I'm Incredible" by Shaquille O'Neal. You may know that's an actual rap song by Shaq. What you may not have known was that record execs everywhere originally approached Ryan Gomes to sing it in a little band Gomes started called the Beatles, but he said no and left the band because he was way better than anyone ever invented. Go Go Gomes, I love you more than my entire immediate family.

Dan Dickau: D.C. Talk's "What if I Stumble" - combining Dickau's preferred Gonzaga religion with such pertinant lyrics as "What if I stumble? What if I fall? Is this one for the people? Is this one for the lord? ". Actually Dickau, your achilles-breaking fall was for us, the Celtics fans, so we wouldn't have to watch you and your shirt tucked into your pants so high that we couldn't see the number on your jersey. Get me an Egg McMuffin, bitch.

Tony Allen: "One Shot, Two Shot" by Eminem. Sample lyric: "I'm dropped in the club / And I'm trying to run and get my gun / All I hear is gunshots this is where the fun stops/ Bodies drop hit the floor music's off". Wow. That's dark Tony, hope you didn't have that playing when you were caught on video punching a guy in the face and breaking his eye-socket follwed by your friend shooting him in the stomach. Dude, they're totally gonna know it was you.

Doc Rivers: "Take Me to the River" by Al Green. As he recently explained in a press conference "I give this song props because it kinda has my name in it almost, but hey I'm a player's coach." You know what I say? I say take Doc to the River and throw him in it...after filling his pockets with rocks and tying Scalabrine's lunchbox to his foot.

Well, that's all I got for part 1, but stay tuned for part 2. And great game last night by the way. When PP dunked in burnout Kenyon Martin's face, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or send Kenyon another hate letter. All George "Hot" Karl could do on the sideline was relive his glory days of leading the USA "Dream Team" to a sixth-place finish in the 2002 World Basketball Championships with a home court advantage in Indianapolis. In case you forgot, the Dream Team notched its first three losses EVER in international competition that year under Karl's watch.

New Uniforms Debut, Celtics Win in Style

Tonight the Celtics defeated the Denver Nuggets at the Garden 106-101, but the big story was the debut of the new Celtics St. Patrick's Day uniforms. Their new duds did not dissapoint as the Celtics dominated a very solid Denver team. Like their alternate Sunday uniforms, the St. Patty's edition has "Boston" accross the chest a la 1950's Celtics only the lettering is gold on these bad boys. They give the Celtics a fresh new look, with out compromising Celltic pride. In addition, the new green headbands with the NBA logo inside the shamrock were also a nice touch, especially when Gerald Green came into the game wearing his like a yamica. While it is the Nuggets who are typicallly known for their stylish uniforms, it was the Celtics that looked sexy tonight.
Uniform Ranking: 10 out of 10
-The self -proclaimed Kobe Stopper, AKA Rubin Patterson did a solid job containing the truth. Paul scored 36 points in 37 minutes.
-More speculation that Doc Rivers might be done after the season. While Doc maintained that he loved coaching the team and none of this was true, he has repeadidly stated that he wants to spend more time with his family in Orlando and has taken no action in moving them to Boston. While the thought of having a coach that uses something less than a 11 man rotation is very enticing, I cant help but think that Doc is an integral part of delvoping the great attitude and work ethic our young players have. So such fragile young minds, the wrong coach could be disasterous for this franchise. Doc may not be the right coach, but he is not the wrong coach either...if that makes any sense..
-Delonte came back and did not skip a beat. He finished with 12 points, 5 assists. Oriene Green did a great job while West was away, but it is great to have him back.
THE BEAST IS FREE. Two weeks ago Perkins was asked about how he was coping with not playing, Perkins responded "I need to let the beast out of the cage." That is the type of attitude that will bring home #17. "The Beast" returned to the line-up tonight and finished with 7 points, 6 blocks in 20 minutes.

Mr. Green Has Last Laugh

CELTICS DEFEAT NUGGETS 106-101

The Garden hosted another shootout tonight, this time between our MVP candidate and Carmelo Anthony. Both players scored 36 points, but Paul scored last, and the Celtics emerged victorious.

The difference between Carmelo Anthony and Paul Pierce? While 'Melo was co-starring with the world's best drug dealers in "Stop Snitching" DVDs, Paul was leading his team to the Eastern Conference Finals. Paul showed that it's not how you start the game, it's how you finish. While 'Melo started the game shooting 10-11, Pierce scored the C's final six points to pull his teammates to victory.

Let me tell you- this one was a thrill ride. I was watching the whole game on ESPN Gamecast, which is as maddening as a Pervis Ellison toe injury. For those of you who don't know what this is, Gamecast is basically a play-by-play of the game for those of us who can't watch. I think a drunken Vin Baker was doing the typing because Ruben Patterson was getting baskets, having them taken away, the Nuggets were getting offensive rebounds off of made baskets... the game made no sense whatsoever.

So, when Pierce started draining shots at the end, I was just waiting for them all to be negated and the Nuggets to be given the win. Thankfully, it didn't happen.

On to the superlatives!

MVP: Who else?

LVP: Raef. Zero points, 2 rebounds, and 5 fouls. WOW.

Unsung hero: Gomes. 11 points and 11 rebounds, plus some big plays in the final minute. Tony Allen deserves some credit here too... since when can he stroke 3's? He hit two big ones tonight.

Ref's Grade: F
I didn't watch this game but the fact that Kenyon Martin didn't get called for two flagrant fouls says to me that the refs sucked.

Doc's Grade: A
Raef played too much, but Doc handled the nine-man rotation very well otherwise. Plus, getting the win was huge. Close game management was clutch.

Celtics Prepare for Nuggets

CARMELO BEST SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL IN NBA; PAIRING UP IN THE BACKCOURT WITH SEX OFFENDER RUBEN PATTERSON GUARANTEED DISASTER

The Celtics will host the Nuggets tonight in a critical game for their playoff hopes. The Celtics' postseason potential took a big hit with a loss to the Bucks on Friday, falling 4.5 games behind Mil-a-walk-ay.

The Nuggets are an up-and-down team, and the Celtics should win this one.

KEYS TO THE GAME
1. Rebounding. Perk is supposed to be back for this game, which would be a huge help for the Celtics even if he can only go for 15-20 minutes. The Nuggets are a good rebounding team with Camby, Martin and Reggie Evans. They also get solid rebounding from the guard spots. Nothing slows down an up-tempo team like a rebounding advantage.

2. Get to the line. Camby is a beast in the middle, but he and his cronies are as foul-prone as they come. Camby is a great shot blocker, but he goes hard for shots that he has no chance of blocking and he can be baited into silly fouls. Martin is a good shot-blocker too, but with his roid rage and IQ of 25, he is a foul waiting to happen. The way Pierce and Tony Allen are slashing to the basket lately, the Celtics are built to exploit the Nuggets' big men.

3. Transition defense. The Nuggets suck in the halfcourt set, but are a good up-tempo team. I don't think the Celtics need to take the air out of the ball, but they need to communicate on defense and slow down the ball handlers.

4. Take the last shot of the game. Carmelo is clutch, but Pierce is, um... clutcher? If it's close, which is probable, hold the ball for the last shot or deny 'Melo the ball in the closing seconds.

PREDICTION
Pierce hits another game winner.
Celtics 97, Nuggets 96

REVISION
I wrote this Friday night after losing to the Bucks, and did not see the injury report until now. Camby and KMart out and Carmelo questionable? Yeeks. Celtics should win this one.

However, there is the unusual habit among NBA teams to play really well for a short period of time with the stars out, so this is definitely not a gimmie. The Celtics would be wise to take the ball at the rim with so many Nuggets' frontcourt players hobbled. Threes should only come on a drive-and-kick, and we should live at the line.


NEW PREDICTION
Celtics 107, Nuggets 91

BUCK THE FUCKS!

Tonight the sizzling hot Boston Celtics faced the "beast ice" cold Milwakee Bucks with the rights to getting defiled by the Pistons in the first round of the playoffs on the line. The Celtics who had crawled within 3.5 games of the Bucks for that final playoff spot had a chance to make up some serious ground, but after loosing 6 of their last 7, Milwakee managed to snap out of their recent suck-fest long enough to outlast the Celtics 92-86.
Unlike their last two games, the Celtics came out sloth-like. Despite their slow start they opened up a lead in the second quarter and remained in control until the 4th quarter when the Bucks got nasty on D and stole what should have been a Celtics victory.
The Celtics trailed by as much as 7 in the final 4 minutes, but Paul has this new habbit where he dominates in the 4th quarter and hits game winning shots like every game. That is just what P^2 did as in the final minutes he got to the line when he pleased and put himself in a position to win the game. As the C's pulled within 3 with the ball and 20 seconds to go, Paul was totally in control and it looked like he would probably hit his 3rd game winning shot in a row. That is until he got fouled on a 3 pointer. While in theory, being down by 3 and having your MVP caliber player getting 3 free throws would be an ideal situation Celtics fans knew better. Paul Pierce can hit game winning 3 pointers on will. The one thing he cannot do is hit clutch free throws. Espcially 3 of them. A big clank on the first one sealed the game, and Paul's Cinderella streak of 30 point games and gamewinning shots came to an end. Over the last couple of weeks it has gotten to the point where we just expect Paul to win the game. Unforetunetnly tonight, it seems like his teamates felt the same way as it looked like they were standing around waiting for him to do his thing rather than getting involved and playing great team ball the way they had been playing all month.

PIERCE HUMAN AFTER ALL


-Despite the L, there were many positives to take away from the game. Tony Allen is starting to look comfortable again, playing like the highflying, ADD, spazzoid Tony Allen that we all adore so much. Tonight he was popping out of nowhere to make big plays and for the first time it didn't look like he was holding back.
-Wally World continues to be a great team player. In the 4th after the Bucks made their huge run, Wally drained two big trifectas to keep the Celts in the game. 18 for the World tonight.
-Big Al is looking solid. 9 points 5 boards in 16 minutes. It is just a matter of time before he starts dominating. (or sprains his anke...)
-Despte having a quiet game, Gomes still had 12 points and 5 rebounds. When Raef or Mark Blount used to have an off game it would consist of like 3 points and 2 rebounds. If 12 points is a bad night for Gomes than the Celts are in good shape.
Doc's Suit Grade: A-. Pink shirt black blazer, looking sharp my man. If only your coaching was as good as your style.
LVP: Raef Lafrenz. Raef LaFrenz is an easy player to figure out. He is a great guy who hustles and does a lot of dirty work on BUT the bottom line is, if he can hit the three he's leathal, if he can't hit the 3 he's garbage . Its that simple. Tonight was a perfect example of when he was crap, but instead of benching him, Doc kept him in and he bricked 3 after 3 in the 4th quarter. Doc, this isnt a frickin rubix cube. If hes hitting leave him in, if not bench his white @ss. Id sooner let Andrew Bogut kick me square in my Milwakee man-sauce than watch Raef go 2-9.
-How did the Bucks get so terrible? I stopped updating my fantasy team for 1 week and they are all of a sudden bottom feeding with crap of the crapiest (not counting the Celtics).
-I also want to wish Toni Kucoc a happy 54th Birthday. I don know if its his hair style or what but he looks like he is 80 years old.

Redd and Dead

SON OF A B*TCH!!!!

The Celtics blew a huge game tonight, dropping a home game to the Bucks. The Bucks had lost 7 of 9 coming in to the game, held a slim lead on the Celts in the playoff hunt, and were going nowhere fast. Unfortunately, Paul Pierce's 30-point streak had to come to an end sometime, as did his streak of winning games with ridiculous play down the stretch.

The Celtics had a lead in the first half that vaporized in the second. The Bucks built a 4-point lead with three minutes left in the game, and despite Michael Redd missing everything from everywhere... (except for the free throw line, where he went 4-4) the Celtics could not capitalize.

The Celtics had a chance to tie when Pierce was fouled shooting a three with the Celtics down by three.... but he missed two out of three and the Celtics lost.

For the superlatives...

MVP: No one was huge in this game, but Wally played well. The head-scratcher was Big Al only playing 17 minutes, because he had 9 points and 5 rebounds in that time which is almost as much as Raef had in 31 minutes.

LVP: No one played that badly tonight.

Doc's Grade: C-
Why equally ineffective Raef and Scal combined for 11 points and 9 rebounds in 43 minutes, Big Al went for 9 and 5 in 17 minutes. I don't get this about Doc- does he just not watch the game closely enough to figure this stuff out? His lapses are troubling, but since he has been coaching so well lately it's nice that this was an abberation instead of an expected move.

Ref's Grade: F triple minus
Bogut should have fouled out in 30 seconds. What a neanderthal.

Silver lining: The Celtics only had 6 team turnovers, which is usually what OGreene averages every quarter.

UP NEXT: Sunday night at home against the Nuggets.

Celtics versus TJ and the Purple Reddvolution

CELTICS RECRUIT MORRIS DAY AS BACKUP POINT GUARD; NO WORD ON WHAT ROLE HIS MAN-SERVANT JEROME WILL PLAY

The Bucks come to town tonight to do battle against the Celtics. They are led by their dynamic point guard TJ Ford, who despite having incredible skills and a revolutionary game never gets the respect he deserves. Behind Ford is Michael Redd, an underappreciated shooting guard, and Bobby Simmons, an underrated small forward. On the front line are oft-overlooked forwards Jamaal Magloire and Andrew Bogut.

What do you get when you have a starting lineup of disrespected, underappreciated, underrated, and overlooked players? An underachieving team, that's what.

The Celtics are 3.5 games behind the Bucks for the eighth playoff spot, and these are two teams headed in opposite directions. The Celtics need to keep up their momentum and inch closer to playoff contention.

How are they going to do it?

1. Contain the penetration of TJ Ford.
The Bucks score most of their points off the dribble drive and off of the drive and kick. If we can keep Ford out of the lane, the Bucks will struggle. Orien Greene would be wise to back off of Ford a little, body him up in the lane, and keep his arms extended. One thing Greene does very well is getting deflections because he has long arms, so acting as a deterrant against Ford would be wise.

2. Attack the basket.
The Bucks are foul-prone up front. If the Celtics attack the basket, they can set up camp at the free throw line.


3. Get a strong contribution from Morris Day.
When it comes to showing up guys wearing purple, this man knows how to get it done.

4. Move the ball.
This is going to fall mostly on OGreene's shoulders, assuming that Delonte isn't ready to go. Greene is gaining confidence, but he has the tendency to hold on to the ball and disrupt the offense.

I know I am no Bill Simmons, but I would like to enlist the 82games.com staff for a project. It is my theory that shot percentages in the NBA increase with each extra pass. I know that this is true with the Celtics- the only player that should take a quick shot on the C's is Pierce, because he can do whatever he wants as far as I am concerned.

PREDICTION
The Celtics struggle in the first half, but play better perimeter defense in the second frame. The C's go on a run in the third and win another close one in the forth.

Celtics 111, Bucks 107