WHAT STINKS!?!?

COULD IT BE SCALABRINE'S ALL-NIGHT-CHEESE-GORGEFEST FARTS? THE KANDI-MAN'S ARMPITS? THE STINK OF THE ROTTING DEAD BODIES IN TONY ALLEN'S LOCKER? THE CELTICS' LATE-GAME EXECUTION?

MAYBE IT'S A COMBINATION!

%$^#^%@^&$$^%%$!!!!!!

CELTICS BLOW HUGE FOURTH QUARTER LEAD; THIS NEW JERSEY FAIRY BLOWS PIXIE DUST ON THE REFS; I*HEART*CELTICS CALLS FOR DOC RIVERS' HEAD; WHOLE SEASON IN DOUBT; EVERYTHING SUCKS, ESPECIALLY VINCE CARTER, WHO RUMOR HAS IT IS PAID BY THE REFS IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

NBA GOSSIP

-Apparantly, the Celtics are going after Pau Gasol. It only makes sense- Gasol is a huge white dude with injury problems. Would you expect anything less from Mr. Ainge?

-The ESPN "Power Rankings" came out today, and as could be expected, the Celtics got hosed. I shouldn't care, because the guy who makes them, Mark Stein, looks like he belongs at a Magic card tournament.

The Celtics are ranked 27th, down from their previous rank of 21st but up from the lowly 30th place they held earlier in the season. Here's yet another reason why Mark Stein is an ignoramus- a numbskull that would trade a Balduvian Horde for a Jester's Cap- he puts the MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES ahead of the Celtics in 26th.

Whaaaa?!? The "first team to ten losses" Grizzlies? The "can we please trade our star player because the season is already lost" Grizzlies? THE GRIZZLIES ARE 3-10!!!

That's bad but explain to me how THE BULLS HAVE GONE 1-6 IN THEIR LAST SEVEN GAMES AND THEY RISE IN THE POWER RANKINGS?!? How that works, only Mark Stein and his counterspell deck will ever know. His pro-Bulls bias is sick and gross. Speaking of the Bulls...


-Ben Wallace is a pansy-ass. He signs the biggest Bulls contract since Michael Jordan, which he didn't even come close to deserving in the first place, and the first thing he does is complain about the rules. He gets his panties in a bunch when he isn't allowed to listen to his IPod in the locker room. You would think not being able to listen to "Brick" by Ben Folds Five on repeat would help Wallace's abysmal shooting, but no. I can pee more accurately than he can shoot, and I only hit the bowl 48% of the time.

The newest scrap that Big Ben is having with Bulls management is over a headband. Big Ben Wallace wants to wear a headband on the floor, but Scottie Skiles don't want any of that jive. So Big Ben wears it, gets benched, pouts like the spoiled little neanderthal he is, and causes all kinds of drama within his woefully underachieving team.

Of course, good 'ol Mark Stein comes rushing to Big Ben's defense. First, let us analyze the Bulls' decision-making process this year.

1) We made it to the playoffs, but Ben Gordon is the only player on the team that can score.

2) We need some scoring help.

3) Let's sign Ben Wallace to a gigantic contract in which we will pay him two million dollars per point scored.

Mark Stein gives him a little tsk tsk, but come on, the dude is getting outrebounding by Paul Pierce every night. Ben Wallace, you and your headband both suck.

-Stephon Marbury and Isiah Thomas are fighting already, which brings me great relief. Nobody wants to see those two succeed. Their own mothers are hoping that they'll get poked in the eye. S*T*A*R*B*U*R*Y has responded to Isiah's criticism by refusing to shoot, refusing to play defense, and sulking. Isiah has responded to this behavior by grabbing some womens' asses in the office. Eddy Curry has responded by hooking himself up to a Krispy Kreme glaze IV.

GRAB A DOOBIE AND CELEBRATE WITH THE KANDI-MAN- THE CELTICS ARE IN FIRST PLACE!!!!

FOR WHAT MAY BE THE FIRST TIME EVER, WE'RE SERIOUS- DIVISION SUCKS SO BADLY THAT RIGHT NOW THE CELTICS ARE TIED FOR THE THIRD SEED IN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE

BUCK THE FUCKS!

IHEARTCELTICS RUNNING OUT OF WHITE CELTICS PLAYERS TO PHOTOSHOP ON PICTURES WITH WHITE HANDS

After getting blownout by the New York Knicks in a game that resembled a steamy pile of poo more than it did a basketball game, the Celtics bounced back from a 16 point deficit to beat the Bucks last night 111-98. Leading the way for the boys in greeen was the truth with a fitting 34 points, 7 boards, 7 assists, (and 5 turnovers....). Wally had his back with 21 and Gomes played well with 15. Delonte purists cringed as Telfair turned in yet anotehr solid game with 12 points and 7 dimes. Big Al played his 2nd consevutve game without his stomach exploding and had very Big-Al-Like numbers to show for it. 10 points 6 rebounds in 15 minutes. Someday someone in the Celtics organization is going to look at a box score and notice that Big Al averages 10 and 8 on 10 minutes a night. I am crossing my fingers that this happens while he's still in a Celtics uniform and I can see him playing over 20 minutes averaging 40 points and 30 rebounds a night.
In typical Celtics fashion, they came out flat and were down by as many as 16 points. Not a good sign since Milwakee was without starters Charlie Vilanavuava and Bobby Simmons. As always they staged a valient second half sustained the lead into the 4th quarter and were able hold it to the end of the game without any significant breakdowns.
It would have been a nightmare if the Celtics came off their 3 game win steak with 3 game losing streak, but with this convincing win against the Bucks they showed that they are making strides. Yes, getting beaten by the Knicks in any capacity is a giant kick in the nuts, but at least they realized how foolish loosing to the Knicks must have looked and decided not to do so against the Bucks.

Player of the Game: Kandi Man. He played a total of zero minutes, but after reading how he spent his holidays spreading holiday cheer at a homeless shelter and hospital I felt he deserved it. Yes, he may have been baked out his face, and may have tried to roll a young cancer patient up into his own blanket in a desperate attempt to make what he thought was a giant marijuana cigerette, but at least his heart was in the right place. The same cannot be said about Scalabrine's own Thanksgiving disaster. After volenteering at a local soup kitchen for a few hours, Scal quickly grew hungary and cranky. The rumbly in his tumbly overwhelmed the Celtics big man as he began ravaging every pumkin pie in sight. Still hungry, he grew restless and tried to attack a homeless gentlmen who managed to aquire a slice. Scalabrine had to be tazered by local authorities.

LVP: Opposing coach Terry Slotts. Not only did he lose the game on his birthday, but was mocked by the fans in the second half with frequent chants of "fire Terry." Celtics Coach Doc Rivers couldn't help but sympothize. "You can't help but feel sorry for the guy. At least the Boston fans don't chant "Fire Doc!" on my birthday. Thats just pathetic."

MONEY!!!!!!!

CELTICS GO BANANAS AFTER THE BREAK AND CRUISE TO 111-98 VICTORY; DONNIE WAHLBERG GOES FROM PREPARING TO COACH THE CELTICS TO GETTING SOME WORK DONE IN THE STUDIO WITH BOBBIE BROWN, HOOTIE, AND M.C. HAMMER; BP JUMPS BACK ON CELTICS BANDWAGON AND BOLDLY PREDICTS A HUGE WINNING STREAK IMMEDIATELY

HERE WE GO AGAIN

CELTICS DOWN 15 AT HALFTIME TO ONE OF THE WORST TEAMS EVER; ANDREW BOGUT LOOKS LIKE KEVIN McHALE; CELTICS LOOKS LIKE A TEAM OF KEVIN PITTSNOGLES

THE NEXT COACH OF THE CELTICS?!?

WHY THE HELL NOT? AT LEAST HE SHOWS UP EVERY NIGHT

UGHHHHHH

CELTICS DROP SECOND STRAIGHT TO GAWD-AWFUL DISGRACE OF A PROFESSIONAL FRANCHISE; DEVELOPMENT NOWHERE IN SIGHT; NOBODY CAN SHOOT; VERMONT CATAMOUNTS CROWNED 'BEST TEAM IN NEW ENGLAND' AS CELTICS FALL TO 4-7

Thanksgiving comes and goes. I*Heart*Celtics staff still giving thanks...

Wally's Giddy... Should we be, too?

PLAYOFFS ARE A POSSIBILITY, FUTURE INEPTITUDE A GUARANTEE

With their narrow, heart-stopping victory over the New York Knickersniffers last night, the Celtics (4-6) are in third place in the Atlantic Division. They are in tenth place in the Eastern Conference. To put that in perspective, if they had won one more game, they would have the fourth seed for the playoffs. For a team that started 1-6- and still has a losing record- that's not too bad!

Of course, I can remember another time where it didn't look too bad for the Celtics. Last year, with 21 games left in the season, I boldly proclaimed that the Celtics would make the playoffs. Whups! Didn't happen. Not even close.

Clearly, I was grasping. The Celtics of 2005-2006 were incapable of winning more than one game in a row. They won when Paul Pierce went bananas, and lost when he didn't.

This year's team is different. They already have a three-game winning streak, which is more than last year's team could say for themselves. So why, this year, are the Celtics going to the playoffs?

THEY'VE ONLY LOST TO GOOD TEAMS, AND BEATEN BAD ONES
Here are the Celtics' losses to date.

Lost 87-91 to the Hornets. (7-3)
Lost 88-101 to the Pistons. (5-5)
Lost 117-124 to the Wizards. (4-5)
Lost 100-107 to the Jazz. (9-1)
Lost 93-94 to the Cavs. (7-3)
Lost 89-92 to the Magic. (7-4)

If you'll notice, with the exception of the Pistons game, the Celtics were right in the game. Greg Anthony made some wiseass remark the other day about the Celtics setting the record for most close losses in a season. Sure, it's frustrating as hell!

The Celtics could have won any of these games if they got a manic Paul Pierce in the fourth. The combined record of the teams they have lost to? 39-21! On the flip side, the combined record of the teams the Celtics have beaten is 16-28. Who cares? They have only lost to one losing team, and the Wizards are certainly better than 4-5. The Celtics will beat some superior teams this year, and if they can continue to take care of business against the dregs of the NBA, they will easily secure a playoff spot. Last year's team was so erratic they couldn't put together a winning streak until halfway through the season.

The Celtics have the Bobcats, Knicks, and Bucks coming up. Take care of those three, and the Celtics will have a six-game winning streak and a 7-6 record.


DIVERSIFIED SCORING OPTIONS
When someone other than Pierce and Wally scores, the Celtics win. Thankfully, this year, there are several options... provided that the entire front line doesn't go down with injury. Oh, wait...

Telfair can pick up the slack, Gomes and DWest have done it, and Rondo could do it later on in the season. Compare that to last year, where you were HOPING that someone would put the ball in the basket... this year we are EXPECTING them to do it.


REBOUNDING
The Celtics have not been blatantly outrebounded all year, thanks in large part to Paul Pierce chipping in from the small forward position. It's VERY rare for a team to be good that consistantly gets outrebounded. The Suns of last year are one example, but that's the only team that springs to mind. Perkins and Jefferson still need to improve, a lot, but they have been doing a lot better sealing their man off the glass. Gomes is one of the best in the league at boxing out. With Jefferson, Perkins, Gomes, and Pierce, the Celtics have FOUR players capable of consistantly rebounding in the double digits. Not bad.

DEFENSE
The defense still sucks, but this year it's specific failures instead of the all-around train wreck that it was last year. The Celtics cannot, will not, defend high screens. If the opponent has a point guard that can shoot a jumper, the Celtics had better hope that he's Orien Greene.

However, that is a huge upgrade from last year, where the Celtics would get bent over by EVERYONE. Every night it was some new problem. One night it was some goon getting putbacks, the next night it was getting killed on the fast break, the next night it was a small forward posting up at will... this year, Gomes and Perkins have been DOMINATING the post defensively. Pierce and Wally are working hard on defense, as well, and they have to match up against players that are going to score against pretty much anyone not named Bruce Bowen... and that's because Bowen will literally break their ankles, grab their testicles, spit in their soup, and steal their credit cards. Bruce Bowen just sucks.

Anyway, I am not going to pretend that I know how to best defend a high screen when Gilbert Arenas is shooting the lights out from outside. However, the Celtics have a specific problem to fix, and with Tony Allen and Rajon Rondo on the roster, I believe it's within the realm of possibility. Bill Simmons seems to think that this is a coaching problem, which he learned during his pickup games at Holy Cross.

I think the Celtics can improve in this area, mainly because every team is going to use the high screen every night, against everyone, because the new rule changes 1) eliminate any contact on the perimeter and 2) allow moving screens. This is far from a Celtic-only problem, but the Celtics should be able to improve.

That's much better than last year, when the Celtics couldn't stop anyone.

COACHING
I am going to have to put together a full analysis of Bill Simmons' idiotic call for Doc to get fired. I'll cut to the chase- Bill Simmons should spend more time writing scripts that no one reads and writing jokes for shows that no one watches.

Doc hasn't been that bad, for one. Fans can bitch and moan about terrible coaching with every coach, ever. Look at the fan reaction to the Patriots or the Red Sox and how overly critical they are. It's stupid.

Second, firing Doc would waste money. We'd be paying Doc and Vin Baker for nothing.

Third, if the Celtics fire Doc, they have GIVEN UP on the season. It's over. If you give up on the season, you might as well give up on Paul Pierce. Why would Pierce want to stick around? Would you blame him for wanting to bail on an organization that gives up 1/10 of the way through the year?

If that's what you want to do, fine, but you're a retard. Why fire a coach seven games into an 82-game season? Is Larry Brown going to come in and save the year, like he did for the Knicks last year (with the benefit of training camp)? Is Rick Adelman, the coach who did the least with the most talent since Art Shell and the Bo/Marcus Allen Raiders, the answer? Please. Name an instance where a coach was fired in the middle of the season and the team went on to anything close to success. And what would that gain? Would the Celtics be in better position the year afterwards, where the Celtics would have NO established stars, a new coach, a new system, and no starters older than 23?

Yech. Doc is fine, at least until his contract is up. Then, you re-evaluate.

THE POINT OF THIS WRITING
I'm sure that the haters will say that I have been drinking the Kool-Aid. (Like a suicide cult!! HAHAHAHAHA!!). The fact is, the Celtics are a pretty good team that has issues that can be addressed immediately. The Celtics are much better this year than they were last year, and last year they still could have made the playoffs if it weren't for the meltdown midseason. The Celtics have three very winnable games in their future, and they could have a winning record before we know it. Then again, if Big Al sprains an ankle...

CELTICS DEFEAT KNICKS 122-118; ISIAH GOES FOR 10 SEXUAL HARRASSMENT LAWSUITS

As predicted by I*Heart*Celtics this afternoon, the Celtics cruised to a victory against the New York Knickersniffers tonight. It was a seesaw affair. The Celtics were behind at the half, but they donkey punched the Knicks in the third to build a 20-point lead. Of course, they blew the lead, but surprisingly the Celtics withstood the run and held on for a 4-point win.

Pierce had 19 points in the fourth quarter, but I gotta hand it to Ryan Gomes. 22 points and 14 rebounds... those are Shaq-with-the-Magic numbers. I love it. Wally had 20, Telfair had 19... and all of a sudden, the Celtics don't look that bad! At 4-6, the Celtics are only a game and a half out of the Atlantic Division! Holy crap.

On to the superlatives, homies!

MVP: GOMES! Pierce had a great night with 39 gigantic points, but we needed Go-Go on the boards in the worst way. His six offensive boards were all crucial, and his D was amazing as always. Sigh...

LVP: Quentin Richardson. 0-9 from the floor, 6 fouls, and a technical. Thanks, Q!

Doc's Grade: B. This shouldn't have been that close, but you can't complain too much when nobody was stinking it up in extended minutes. Dwest had an awful box score game, but he was busy hooking up with every sister, girlfriend, mother, and aunt of every Knicks' player DURING THE GAME.

Ref's Grade: B. The tormenting of Quentin Richardson was hilarious.

UP NEXT: 4 days off, then a game against the Charlotte Communist Bobcats.

KNICKERSNIFFERS COME TO DOWN

ALL FEMALE EMPLOYEES OF THE CELTICS GIVEN THE NIGHT OFF AS TO AVOID GETTING SLOBBERED OVER BY NEW YORK'S PERVERT COACH AND SEXUALLY DEVIANT CANNIBAL ANNOUNCER

The Celtics play against the New York Knicks today. The Knicks are coming off of two big wins, one against the Miami Heat, but there is no reason why the Celtics shouldn't put a win in the bag.

KEYS TO THE GAME
1) Rebounding. With Kandi Man, Jefferson, and Theo all out, the Celtics need Gomes and Powe to step up the post play. They both did a nice job against Randolph the other night, but the Knicks have a couple dudes (David Lee and Balkman) who can get a lot of offensive rebounds. When you have an athletic team that can't shoot (the Knicks fall into this category), you can't give them second chances.

2) Second unit. The Knicks' second line is better than their first. Marbury and Francis are ATROCIOUS. The Celtics would be wise to build a gigantic lead and get some garbage-time scorers like Green and Allen in to the game.

3) Pierce and Wally... these boys play well together when we win. So, they should play well together.

PREDICTION
Isiah Thomas gets distracted by Scalabrine's breasts and forgets to make a substitution for the entire game. Marbury and Francis combine for 3 points, 2 assists, 0 rebounds, and 4 turnovers in a combined 96 minutes. Celtics win big, 187-12.

CELTICS BITCH-SLAP BLAZERS 118-90

PERKINS GETS HIGH JUST BY INHALING ZACH RANDOLPH'S BODY ODOR, BUT PIERCE AND DWEST MAKE THE BLAZERS LOOK LIKE THE THIRD-TIER SUCKFEST THEY ARE;CELTICS CRUISE TO EASY VICTORY; BP SKIPS THE GAME FOR A BOB DYLAN CONCERT; MISSES WATCHING RONDO DOMINATE A FILTHY SPANIARD, DELONTE CATCHING FIRE, AND LEON POWE TRANSFORM INTO 2005 RYAN GOMES

Celtics Versus Blazers

ZACH RANDOLPH LOOKS LIKE THE LONG-LOST FIFTH NINJA TURTLE, THE ONE WITH SEVERAL DRUG ADDITIONS AND A PENCHANT FOR HANDGUNS

The Celtics are playing the Blazers tonight, and I can guarantee that I won't be watching because Bobbie Dylan is playing with the Raconteurs, or however you spell it. Anyway, we all know that the Celtics are going to win because Perk destroys Zach Randolph and that's all the Blazers have. Booyah.

KEYS TO THE GAME

1) Who cares about foul trouble- just don't get shot.
2) Revenge for Telfair. Redemption games are great ways to showcase how good players would be if they actually tried every night.
3) High percentage shots. These build confidence, homies!

PREDICTION
Celtics win easily. 131-17.

PERKINS EATS PACERS OF $H!!!T FOR BREAKFAST

If losing were good, the Celtics would be Great

(What it would be like if losing were the objective)





Doc Rivers does it again as the Celtics lose another tight game. You just can’t say enough about this team’s character, they really know how to turn up the heat and blow it in the fourth quarter. If the Celtics continue to work hard and Doc Rivers sticks to his current 15-man roster, the C’s could reach 2005 Atlanta Hawks status soon.

Right now, the Celtics sit atop the power rankings, with the Charlotte Bobcats being the only team to rival their uncanny 1-6 record. The Nuggets and Mavericks cannot keep pace with the Celtics as they each have their own winning streaks. Both teams are too deep and have too good coaching to rival the Celtics atop the standings. Mark Cuban has recently come out and stated, “The Celtics are just too good at losing. Both the players and coaching staff are all on the same page right now and are sucking on all cylinders. Pierce is and has been holding them back for years, almost single handedly bringing the team close to a .500 record for the past few seasons. If Danny Ainge were smart, he’d trade him for Charles Bo Outlaw while Pierce still has trade value.”

Iheartceltics was lucky enough to run into M.L. Carr at a nearby Subway (he was behind the counter) and he was clearly excited about this season’s potential. “Wow, Doc Rivers is better at losing than I am. His flawless coaching appears to come from complete lack of aspiration and enthusiasm. Bet I make a better Sweet Onion Chicken Teryaki sub though!” he said as he spat bits of meatball onto the counter.

We truly have a magical season in the making. The Celtics are overachieving at underachieving like nobody in Boston has witnessed for quite some time. Can this team continue to keep up their losing streak? This reporter thinks so. One important strategy to follow will be to play Kandi man more than Gerald Green. I guarantee there will be a correlation between this and how many losses there are at the end of the season. So keep up the good work Doc Rivers and Celtics, you are making Boston the talk of the league. (By the way, this article was written before I checked the score tonight, where the Celtics hammered the Pacers, Go Celtics!)

Who knows?

IT'S A PRE-THANKGIVING MIRACLE!!!

CELTICS WIN! CELTICS WIN! EQUALLY SURPRISING IS THE FACT THAT TONY ALLEN, STEPHEN JACKSON, AND SEBASTIAN TELFAIR SPENT AN EVENING TOGETHER WITHOUT SOMEONE GETTING SHOT--- WAIT, IT'S ONLY TEN O'CLOCK, MAYBE I SPOKE TOO SOON

CELTICS CRUISE TO 2-6 RECORD WITH TWO GAMES AGAINST THE KNICKS COMING UP, ALL OF A SUDDEN IT DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD

In a demonstration of how badly I want the Celtics to be good this year, I have jumped off the "Celtics suck" bandwagon and directly on to the "Celtics are going to turn it around" bandwagon. Who cares? I'll probably do it fifty times this year.

But anyway, the Pacers are decent this year, and the Celtics SMOKED those bitches in the second half. Telfair and Rondo both looked great, Pierce shot well from the field and the line (and only two turnovers), the Celtics DOMINATED the boards... what didn't go well?

Perkins was all over Jermaine O'Neal, which is great because you know how much that soft-spoken, fan-smashing punkass hates it. Perk does it to O'Neal every time, which makes me wonder why so many Celtics fans are having wet dreams about O'Neal wearing green. As much as I love a guy that has a 50% chance of shattering his shoulder and a 50% chance of punching a courtside fan every night.... I'll stick with PERKINS.

One of the biggest highlights of the game for me was Gerald Green lighting it up against the Pacers' top line. 3-4 three pointers is beastly!

On to the superlatives!

STUD: Pierce. 11-19 from the field, 33 points. He's back, baby!!!

GLUE FACTORY: Scalywagon. Outscored by Orien Greene 0-1.

Doc's Grade: A++++++
Nary a complaint.

Ref's Grade: D
No grade inflation. They always suck.

UP NEXT: More wins!

Celtics depressed. Shoot 38%. Off to worst start since the 1978-79 season. Doc raises roof while crying (below). Help may/may not be on the way.

Let's face it. The season is far from over, and the NBA field is just starting to even itself out. The first couple weeks of any sports season is always a time in which the jackholes over at ESPN make bold predictions based on non-representative samples, i.e. when they heroically "predicted" the Sixers be the Cinderella team of the season after going 3-0 to start, and saying the Mavs would be the bust of the season after an 0-4 start (the Sixers are since 0-3, and the Mavs 2-0). Although I guess they are simply fulfilling a demand for fatalistic sports reporting, the first couple games are rarely indicative of a team's overall chemistry or prowess, and positing where the team will be come playoff season based solely on its record after a few games is about as constructive as ranking players based solely on fantasy stats (which, by the way, would make Donovan McNAbb the best football player in existance, and Rashard Lewis the best at basketball).

What I am trying to get at is that I refuse to get way down on the Celtics as a team despite their bad start, and if it were up to me anyone who mentioned "the Celtics" and "the Greg Oden sweepstakes" in the same sentence would be immediately required to give Brian Scalabrine a blumpkin (a fate, I assure you, that is worse than death). That being said, surely it is very hard not to look at the current Celtics squad and wince right now. We are officially at the "nothing is going well so lets try to find a reason for optimism in every game" mode. Last night it was Leon "Pow" Powe "Powerwheels" posting 10 points, 7 rebounds, and a couple of blocks. I am honestly happy for him, and hope he does well. Even though I really like Powe I think he will have a similar season to Brandon Hunter a few years ago. Hunter got everyone excited when the second round pick had a streak of 2 very good games in a home and home against Orlando (when its most visable player was Tyronne Lue). But come season's end, he was lost to the Bobcats' expansion draft and never heard of again. Sheesh.

It truly blows that the Celtics can't win a game for the life of them. It is frustrating as hell for fans, and I would assume the same for the players. The media has adopted a losing attitude, forshadowing the resignation of Doc Rivers (which is not unreasonable) and focusing more on the injured players and mentality of the Celtics than their play. Doc Rivers himself, usually quite the automaton in press conferences, is starting to sound like a man in the final depressing stages of an illicit affair "I'm tired of meeting like this...It's a good thing my family isn't living with me." Holy Moly. Such a bluntly hopeless comment like that really makes me wonder how much longer Rivers can last without self-destructing, nevermind getting the axe from Danny Ainge.

I feel bad for Doc, I really do. He seems to honestly want the team to win, and has undoubtedly worked hard to find a way to do that. At this point though, what can the Celtics expect? They have repeatedly drafted high-schoolers, and wonder why they don't play like veterans. They have made some asinine trades and signings that have prevented them from chasing difference-making free agents, and as a consequence have become an unattractive team to rising stars in the future. But the longer the team dwells on these shortcomings, the further into the hole they will fall. This depressed mentality is obvious to all who watch them (and sadly, contagious).

But I will say this to Doc Rivers: The Celtics, though a little depressed, are not even close to hopeless. Just look at their Atlantic Conference basement apartment roommates. I was listening to a sports talk show based in New York the other day, in which legions of Knicks fans called up to tell the host how badly they rooted against the Knicks because they were so bad, so jaded, and so ready to alienate their fanbase. Now that is bad. I don't think it has nearly come to the point where Celtics fans have given up and rooted against their team. I think what fans are rooting for is change, and not even necessarily a coaching change (which I am sure is coming). The Celtics need some fine tuning on their roster, veterans that aren't slow white swingmen, players over the age of 19 that aren'tpitted against each other for playing time. Since NBA finance is something I will never understand, it is not as simple as trading player A for player B, but clearly someone is needed to shake up the mentality of the team, a Prozac-player to whip this team out of its depression and to pimp-slap the next pundit asshole to mention the "Greg Oden Sweepstakes".

HOLY HELL

BAD TIME TO BE A PATHETIC CELTICS BLOGGER- CELTICS FANS BEG FOR MERCY AS CELTICS GO INTO "I'D RATHER BE MASTERBATING" MODE IN THE FOURTH QUARTER, LOSE GIGANTIC LEAD TO CAVS, FALL TO 1-5, NO END IN SIGHT

I don't read other Celtics' blogs a whole lot, but I can tell already that there has been plenty of bitching, finger-pointing, and overanalyzing being done over there, so I'll try to pull out the points worth pondering.

1) The Cavaliers would be the worst team in the league if it weren't for Lebron. What a horror show. I can't believe Simmons picked them to make it to the NBA Finals... or win... whatever, he's a doofus.

2) Perkins had a good game for the C's, his first of the season. That makes me happy. It also made me squeal with glee when he smashed Lebron in the fourth, pinata style. Nobody fouls like Perk. Nobody.

3) Pierce has been shockingly un-clutch this season. Even the one game the Celtics won he had 12 turnovers. However, he doesn't look slow out there, and his defense and rebounding have both been good. He will turn it around, although while I type this he already has two turnovers against the Magic. Yamma hamma.

4) Tony Allen is playing well enough to keep Gerald on the bench. There's a mindmeld for ya.

5) Tony Battie is starting over Darko. I can't tell if that makes Joe Dumars or Danny Ainge look more stupid.

6) Delonte and Telfair got crazy minutes together the other night, and they both played well. Of course, it sucks that Wally is hurt and Rondo looks brain damaged in every other game, but whatever. We love Delonte, and we love the fact that Telfair tried to ice Fabolous. Serves that jackass right for spelling his own name wrong. Look out, Ludacris.

7) The Celtics had an incredibly balanced attack the other night, with every starter scoring in double figures. The Cavs had two. The moral is that balance sucks.

8) The Celtics will go on a winning streak, folks. And it starts tonight!

PREDICTION AFTER WATCHING THE FIRST QUARTER AGAINST THE MAGIC

Celtics 199, Magic 24. Celtics don't allow the Magic to score in the final three quarters, Gerald Green scores 82 points.

SAVE US, DELONTE!!!

CELTICS 1-4 AFTER LOSING TO THE UTAH JAZZ, BP MOVES FOR SIXTH TIME IN TWELVE MONTHS, LOSES TRACK OF TEAM MOMENTARILY, REALIZES THAT "ASSUME THE WORST" IS THE BEST MENTALITY IN THESE SITUATIONS

I didn't pay attention to the Celtics a couple days in the last week as I moved from the Virginia version of Outer Mongolia into DC, and three things happened:

1) Celtics lost to the Pistons.
2) Big Al's appendix exploded.
3) Celtics lost to the Jazz.

This season has been a disaster thus far, as the Celtics have combined piss-poor play, clueless coaching, and terrible luck to cruise to a 1-4 record. Things will improve tonight, as I boldly predict a victory against the Cleveland Cavs tonight.

Why?

Three reasons:

1) Pierce is better than Lebron, and no logic can convince me otherwise.
2) The Celtics are due for a random win against a superior opponent.
3) Um, because I said so.

PREDICTION
Celtics win a low-scoring affair, 4-2. Book it, SUCKA!

DWEST IS THE BEST

WEST WINS GAME WITH BUZZER BEATER, GOMES HAS A TRIPLE DOUBLE, I*HEART*CELTIC MANCRUSHES REACH NEAR FATAL PROPORTIONS

In a game that was equal parts thrilling and disturbing, the Celtics pulled out a win against a late-charging Bobcats team last night, ultimately winning 110-108 in overtime with a defensive stop, a Paul Pierce pass, and a DWest made shot... three things that were all but nonexistant during the season thus far.

Kandi Man was our fourth largest scorer. Scalabrine not only got off the bench, but drained a three. Perkins had a three point attempt and 5 fouls in 10 minutes. Rondo was rewarded for stellar play by getting a completely random DNP, and Telfair responding by blasting off for 3 points... and Pierce turned the ball over TWELVE TIMES, breaking the single game record of 11, previously held by each member of the starting five of the Bromfield Middle School Girls' basketball team set in 1996 against Ayer Middle School.

What a disaster! There are so many problems with this team that were exposed by this win, I can't even get my head around them all. It's completely outrageous. I love it... if every Celtics game was that interesting I would pony up the 200 bucks a season to watch them in my home.

BRAVO!!

Celtics squeak out win numero uno. Paul Pierce turns over a new leaf...and the ball 12 times.

What a win. Pierce and Wally played the basketball equivelent of "dueling banjos" scoring a raucously syncopated 35 points each. Meanwhile Ryan Gomes laid down his first triple double of his career, setting up a thrilling buzzer beating 18 footer by a calm cool and collected Delonte West.

Pierce landed his turtle-looking self in the record books, turning the ball over 12 times, the most ever by any Celtic in a single game (the previous mark for most turnovers had been set at 11 and 3/4, when Veal fell just short of finishing his twelfth cheesy-cheeseburger turnover during last week's opener against the hornets). It should be noted that Pierce's turnover explosion couldn't quite match Jason Kidd's NBA record of (an ungodly) 14 turnovers in a single game, a number more impossible than Maris' 61 or Ripken's streak. Not to mention the amount of times Kidd probably turned his wife over the living room couch with the back of his hand after the game.

Regardless of how sloppily their captain played, the Celtics are no longer un-not-defeated, and I am glad.

BIG AL'S APPENDIX RANDOMLY EXPLODES

I wish it were a joke, but it's not. Looks like it's going to be 2-3 weeks.

BOSTON - The Boston Celtics announce that forward Al Jefferson had successful appendectomy surgery at New England Baptist Hospital today. The surgery was performed by Dr. Steven Camer and Dr. Farhat Homsy and assisted by Celtics Team Physician Dr. Brian McKeon.

In three games this season, Jefferson is averaging 11.3 points and 7.0 rebounds in 26.7 minutes per game. He recorded his first double-double of the season, scoring 11 points and grabbing 10 rebounds, against the Detroit Pistons on November 3.

In related news, Brian Scalabrine is out for 6-8 weeks with scurvy.

COMMIE-BASHING TIME

TOO BAD JOE MCCARTHY ISN'T RUNNING THE POINT FOR THE CELTICS TONIGHT

RED UNIFORMS PERFECTLY MATCH THEIR STALINIST POLITICS


The Celtics square off against the Charlotte Bobcats tonight, which is kind of like going against the Soviets in 1980. Avowed Communist Adam Morrison, who you may remember from all the idiotic Larry Bird comparisons a couple months ago, is leading the charge for the Bobcats.

The roster for the Bobcats is a line up NCAA All-Stars that you wondered if they would be good in the NBA. Sean May, Raymond Felton, Commie Adam, Emeka Okafor. They're erratic offensively, but they have excellent defense. They are holding their opponents to 38% shooting so far this season.

Everyone in the Celtic world is either freaking out, using the bad start to bash Doc and maximize their cynicism, or pretending they don't care. I place I*Heart*Celtics firmly in the middle of all three camps. The C's could use a win tonight, because it doesn't get much easier in the weeks to come.

KEYS TO THE GAME

1) Get the ball up the floor and work the shot clock. The Bobcats have several players down low that go for the big block off the weak side (Okafor and May, to be specific). If the Celtics only have one look for a shot during the possession, it's going to be contested and possibly blocked. The C's need to work the ball around, use up-fakes, and work the interior passing.

2) Dominate the boards. The Bobcats have been outrebounded by almost 10 per game so far. The Celtics have outrebounded their opponents by an average of six. The Celtics should have a big advantage on the glass.

3) Put Jake Voskhul in the game. In other words, put May and Okafor into foul trouble early. Look at that goofy bastard. Look at him!

4) Fourth and fifth scorers need to step up. Pierce, Wally, and Big Al have been putting the ball in the basket quite well. Telfair had a nice scoring night the other night. I am going to look for Gomes and DWest to break out, simply because they're due and I would expect the Bobcats to play Pierce and Wally exceptionally tight.

PREDICTION
Celtics 117, Bobcats 100. Gerald Green gets some quality garbage time minutes, and we have our first Leon Powe sighting.

By the way, some intense dude detailed all of Arenas' 44 points the other night, and lo and behold, the defense wasn't that bad. So there.

Catfight In Nation's Capital

The Washington Post was abuzz today about a catfight. Was it John Kerry and George W. Bush tossing lame and predictable "barbs" back and forth? Political pundits bickering over issues nobody cares about? No... it was Etan Thomas and Brendan Haywood getting into a fistfight.

For those of you who don't know the backstory, I'll be brief. Haywood and Thomas got in a fight during practice last year, after which Haywood was suspended for a game. To make the situation even more interesting, Wizards coach Eddie Jordan wrenched Haywood's five year starting spot away from him this season to give it to Thomas- and Haywood's agent responded by mouthing off to the media about Haywood being treated badly. I'll bet you CAN'T WAIT to see what happened next!

Let's take this article apart.

ORLANDO, Nov. 6 -- Washington Wizards centers Etan Thomas and Brendan Haywood were involved in a physical altercation last Thursday in which the two traded punches at Verizon Center, according to two team sources.

"Trading punches" is a phrase that I have always enjoyed. Hearing it, you'd think that the fight was like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Based on every fight I have ever seen, they are always far more hilarious than that. It's a race to see who will pull out the dirty trick first. It's rare that a fight goes more than two seconds before both combatants fall down and/or somebody gets hit in the nuts. How did this one go?

[Thomas] approached Haywood and threw the first punch once the argument escalated, a source said. According to the source, Haywood responded to the punch by body-slamming Thomas to the ground, tearing out at least two of Thomas's dreadlocks in the process. The two players were separated by teammates and the altercation ended.

That's more like it! No testicles were involved, but pulling hair is the next best thing. So, as expected, this wasn't exactly "trading punches". It was more like the fight I had on the bus in kindergarten. I remember it well. I wanted to sit next to a kid, he told me that he didn't want me to sit there, and the next thing I know I am bodyslammed in the aisle, getting my hair pulled out, my Shark Bites flying everywhere.

The detail given by "the source" is enlightening. "At least two" dreadlocks were pulled out by Haywood and zero for Thomas. So, in the WASHINGTON WIZARDS' ANNUAL HAIR-PULLING CONTEST- Brendan Haywood is the victor. In honor of his triumph, I implore you to skip voting today and instead watch some great clips from YouTube honoring the great NBA fights over the years. Some of them overlap, but come on, do you ever get tired of watching Jerry Sloan making a run at Rasheed Wallace? Greg Ostertag punt the ball into the stands? Shawn Bradley get punched in the face?

This one starts off well with the craziest monologue no one remembers, Kevin Garnett babbling about all the weapons he's putting together for "war". I enjoy this one because it has plenty of Celtics highlights. The ESPN Top 10 is nice because you get to see Larry Bird peg Bill Lambieer, Jerry Sichting whup Ralph Sampson, and Tree Rollins bite our General Manager. And, of course, my personal favorite, the Brawl in Auburn Hills.

Enjoy!

CELTICS ARE DOOMED

No disrespect to my main man BP, but the Celtics are doomed. No the graphic is no reference to Scalabrine's breakfast. If it were don't you think I would have used a donut? No this is the Celtics current record right now. They are o-fer 3 at the moment. Zero wins. Now in the Celtics defense a) they are a young team b) the 3 teams they've played thus far a going to be going to the playoffs (the Hornets are probably the best out of the 3) and c) their coach is horrible. That being said that doesnt change the fact that they are still doomed. Everyone is urging Celtic fans and players not to panic. Well I'm here to tell you thats a total load and we should be panicking like the dickens. The Celtics are sinking faster than Scal in a swimming pool. Sure, there is plently of time in the season and playoff bound teams like the Mavs and Suns have equally terrible records but last time I checked the Celtics are not as good as the Mavs or the Suns. No the Celtics are not a vetran team that can grind it out when it counts. They are a young fragile team that is extremely impressionable right now and an early losing streak could cripple them for the season.
It would be one thing if the Celtics came out and lost a couple of games that were close, if the young guys were playing well and it looked like the chemistry was there. The problem is that the Celtics still look very lost. Sure Pierce, Wally and Telfair and Big Al have been playing well, but D West, Perk, Gomes, Allen have all been eratic as hell.
So where does the problem lie? I know Doc is the easy target, but lets face it. He sucks with a capital SUCK. His coaching job thus far has been vomit-enducing at best. When you have a young team like this you need leadership and the only leader on that team is Pierce. Doc needs to provide them with structure and confidence. Changing the line-up for two straight years and saying wishy-washy things after games like "I dont know what to say right now," or "this is very frusterating," does not sound like he is confident. It sounds like he has no frickin' clue what the sh*t he's doing. It's like he's had no plan with these kids. He came into pre-season garenteeing no one but Pierce starting spots or palying time. As much as he tries to spin that as "these are young players who have to earn their spot on the team" what it really means is "I haven't done my job as the coach and can't assess my own players properly." Don't beleive that Doc is clueless? Try LOOKING AT HIM at any point in ANY game. You can see it in his body language. He's got that "Big Al playing defense" or Scalabrine at the salad bar look in his eye. In other words he's lost. How are the young players supposed to play with confidence when their own coach is wetting his pants on the sideline.
Do you honestly think that a vertran coach like Don Nelson, Mike Dunlevy, Larry Brown, or Phil Jackson would be having this problem. Phil Jackson could take Kobe and a steaming pile of the poo and still make the playoffs. The current Lakers team might be worse than poo, and they went 2-0 without Kobe to start the season.
It is only 3 games into the season, but the Celtics might as well pack it in because without a plan for playing basketball games, they have no chance. I do not blame the players, I don't even blame Doc. Actually I do blame Doc, cause he sucks at coaching professional basketball. Doc has been deciding on how this team should play for 2 f'n years. Its about time he pick a style, pick 8 players, and fire them up. If he continues to waffle and wait for his players to develop, the young guys will continue to play tight, Pierce will continue to contemplate trades, and Doc will continue his addiction to Zantex.

The Sad Decline of Ricky Davis

Our old friend Ricky Davis was back in the news yesterday after calling the Portland Trailblazers a "pack of roaches". WHAT WILL HE DO NEXT?!? Apparantly, being called a "pack of roaches" is enough to fire up the Portland Trailblazers. Being called a "cockroach" is enough material for a halftime speech by Nate the Snake McMillian. It's enough for Martell Webster shake his head and vow to "never forget". It's also enough material for two fascinating columns in the Oregonian. Don't read them, your head will explode. In fact, Dr. BP would advise minimal doses of sports columnists. Except, of course, for Skip Bayless... I can't go a day without reading good 'ol Skip's uncloseting another homosexual! Sports journalism at its best, folks!

It's sad to see that Ricky Davis is becoming the sideshow clown again. It's also sad to open up a Blazers link and not get ye olde "Darius Miles beating up a prostitute for crack money" story. But saddest of all is realizing that trash talk in the NBA has declined to the point where calling a team "cockroaches" is unforgettable bulletin-board material. What happened to the days of "Sorry Charles"? Why did Michael Jordan go from "The Mailman doesn't deliver on Sundays" to calling an 18-year-old orphan a "faggot"?

I don't know, but since it is a trend that sucks in the NBA, I am going to go ahead and blame David Stern.

Celtics Lose Third Straight

CELTICS ON PACE FOR 0-82 SEASON, WORST START SINCE M.L. CARR ERA, BUT COME ON, IT'S ONLY THREE GAMES

The Celtics lost again on Saturday night, this time to Washington Wizards, 124-117. Gilbert Arenas scored 44 points. Recap is here, boxscore is here. If you are wondering why this game recap is being done on Monday, it's because I am one of the losers that uses the local library for WiFi. Libraries are closed on Sundays.

On to the expert analysis you all pay nothing to get for free.

1) This game was lost by sloppy ball-handling. The Celtics had 20 turnovers (Wizards had 10), and these turnovers were often so bad they led directly to Wizards’ points. Perk had two, but they led to four uncontested points. Rondo had one, but it led to a layup right under the basket. It wasn’t the number of turnovers that killed the Celtics, it was the timing and placement of the turnovers. When the Wizards built their lead in the third quarter, the Celtics could not stop coughing the ball up.

2) How bad was the turnover problem? The Celtics outshot the Wizards from the floor, from three, and from the free throw line. They outrebounded the Wizards by 15, and they were pretty much even in assists (21 compared to 22 by the Wizards). When you outshoot and outrebound your opponent, the only way you can lose is if you can’t handle the ball. The Celtics took 12 fewer shots than the Wizards as a result.

3) Wally World and Telfair both played great, making Danny Ainge look very, very wise. Wally had 33 points in 31 minutes, and the reason he played so few minutes is because he got 4 stitches in the face after smacking heads with Perkins and missed almost the entire first quarter. Telfair had 24 points and 6 assists, and he was much more assertive. He was going to the basket, where he is working on a nifty spin move to get free under the rim.

4) Where has Ryan Gomes been? He had plenty of minutes (34) but very little production (6 points and 7 rebounds). Let’s hope that he heats up, because he’s the best big man we have, and he isn’t even that big.

5) Paul Pierce had 15 points in the first quarter and 23 points total. Don’t panic- Wally had the hot hand and Pierce was getting plenty of looks. He also pulled down 11 rebounds. He’s leading the team in rebounds every night.

6) Delonte’s fashion choices have been terrible. Dying his glorious red hear black seems to have sapped his strength, like Samson. The new neck tattoo is uglier than Schnitzius’ Bart Simpson tattoo or Ron Mercer’s basketball tattoo. Awful. He should wear a neck sleeve every night to cover it up.

7) Perkins was AWFUL. No points, four fouls, no rebounds, and one of the worst jump shots I have ever seen. What the hell happened?!?

I want to make this clear, however. The Celtics are NOT DOOMED. Sure, they have the worst record in the NBA. Sure, whenever you hear the phrase “since the M.L. Carr era”, you want to cry. I find Doc Rivers as annoying as anyone, but there is no reason to panic. The Mavs are 0-2. The Suns are 1-3. Sometimes you stumble out of the blocks.

The team defense isn’t that bad. It could absolutely be improved, but it was far better than the Wizards’ D. I know that's like being the best bullfighter in Alaska, but come on. The Wizards shot 52% from the field, but almost every shot was contested. The main difference between the two teams were three uncontested dunks for the Wizards. Gilbert Arenas was making ridiculous shots, and the refs were giving the Wizards anything they wanted. (Especially “Forearm” Butler, who was doing his Heisman impression every time he went for the rim.) The team defense can improve, but the effort is definitely there. I was also impressed by Pierce and Wally’s defense. The veterans are taking the lead, and I predict a lot of improvement in this area.

Another piece of silver lining is the push the Celtics had in the fourth quarter. It was a 13-point difference, but the Celtics kept pushing their way back in. The other team won’t get ridiculous shots like the ones Forearm Butler and Gilbert were making down the stretch… at least not every night. I liked the fire I saw out of the boys.

The rebounding is surprisingly good. If we could get more than zero rebounds per night from our starting center, we would dominate the glass every night. I can’t get over Perkins’ line, if you can’t tell. Anyway, if you control the boards, you can control the tempo of the game. Now, I don’t think the Celtics have any idea about what “tempo” means, but still.

The halfcourt offense is pretty decent! The Celtics had tons more open shots than the Wizards. They moved the ball around and found the hot hand, which was Wally. Jefferson had good looks inside, and Telfair was taking it to the rim with confidence at the end of the game.

On to the superlatives!

STUD- Wally. 33 points on 10-16 shooting, including 9-9 from the line.

GLUE FACTORY- Perkins. I can’t get over how TERRIBLE he was. The Kandi Man even got two rebounds.

BEST OUTFIT- Gilbert Arenas is a goof, but his boxing cape was stellar.

DOC’S GRADE- C minus. Another loss. When will Jefferson finally start at center?

REF’S GRADE- D minus. Suckfest.

UP NEXT:

The Wiz Piss on My Great Day, But I Still Love Pierce

I’m very excited this evening. The moons must be aligned because I have a Saturday off and for some reason we are getting a free preview of NBA TV, and the Celtics happen to be playing the Wizards tonight on it to see who will win there first game of the season. Things are good, the sun is shining, I’m all alone and they just showed a Celtics dancers commercial. Wow, this is going to be a great night/the middle of the day on the west coast. In Tyron Lue of this special occasion, I’m going to write a running diary of my thoughts throughout the game.

4:01- Bad sign, it’s the NBA TV announcers, no luck there, I miss you Tommy and Mike Gorman.

4:03- the NBA TV guy, Frank Carter, just said that Paul Pierce leads the Celtics in every statistical category, points, rebounds, parking cars… I’m going to have to look this one up to make sure Pierce parks the most cars on the team. (Man, I wish I were listening to Magic Johnson and Charles Barkeley instead of these guys)

4:10- The game is about to start and I’d like to make a prediction. The Celtics are due for a win, two close games already; a win is going to take place tonight. Oh crap, Telfair is in the starting lineup. If Telfair and Olowakandi get more minutes than Perkins and Delonte like they did last game, it might be a long night.

4:15- Wow, Gilbert Arenas just came out in a boxer’s robe with his name on it. He’s a total wack job. Doc looks like he knows he’s going to be fired. He looks so uncomfortable/nervous that he might pee himself. Eddie Jordan looks confident and happy to be out there. Major Edge to the Wizards.

4:23- In the first three minutes, Wally is bleeding from the eye, Perkins has two fouls and the Celtics have three turnovers. Make that four turnovers… five turnovers, I feel like this is going to be a trend throughout the evening. PUT Delonte or Rondo in! Wait, Doc put in Tony Allen, not sure that’s going to help that much as far as turnovers go.

5:00- Been talking to Nic in Scotland for the past little while. We’ve been talking about the usual, Doc Rivers is terrible, he’s not confident, he clearly hasn’t determined what style of game and what direction the team is going in, hence the 15 man rotation. Gerald Green needs to get some minutes. It doesn’t make any sense that Green doesn’t get any minutes, he’s awesome, he proved that he could be of much help last year and this summer.

5:16- The Celts have come back a little, with Wally making some key shots. A nice little run has put them down by 1 at the half. First half analysis: The Celtics need to leave Pierce, Al, Wally and Gomes in their as much as possible. These four players are going to provide the majority of the offense and since the Celtics are no good at defense, offense is going to be the key. The other players should be integrated into this lineup particularly Delonte, Rondo or Tony Allen, who could provide some much needed defense on Arenas. Telfair is playing fine so he can get some minutes as well. But, where the f*** is Gerald Green. No Gerald is making me sad, but I’m still excited for the second half.

5:38- Wally is shooting well, but he really can’t create his own shot. Pierce needs to drive to the hoop and kick it out if there’s nothing there. Wally will hit a set shot almost all the time.

5:44- The Celtics go uptempo and hit Wally for a few wide-open shots and he nails them. Celts take the first lead in a long time. DOC, IT’S NOT THAT HARD!

5:49- Telfair and Wally cannot guard Arenas. They shouldn’t even try. The Wizards are playing uptempo the correct way. As soon as they get scored on or get a turnover, the ball is up the court. The Celts transition defense is even worse than their regular defense and because of this they are down 85-75.

6:02- Some kind of pressure needs to be put on Arenas. He’s nuts, so he’s going to shoot whenever he gets the chance, no matter if he’s several feet outside the three-point line. And, he hits those shots most of the time. He has 33 points after the first three quarters. He’s playing well, but he’s getting a lot of open looks. The Celts need to make him hit those shots with someone in his face.

6:25- Gerald Green is now in with 5 minutes left. Hey Doc, what’s the logic behind this move? Is this your way of conceding the game only being down by 8 points, or do you think he could help out with a comeback? If that’s the case, don’t you think he might have been able to help out a bit ago? I hate you Doc Rivers.

6:41- Whoever Ruffin is, he’s a thug, and he just nailed Paul Pierce driving to the hoop. And he looks way too much like Popeye Jones. There’s only 17 seconds left and the C’s are down by 6, doesn’t look like a miraculous ending.

6:51- So the Celtics lost in the only game I’ll probably be able to watch during the year. It was frustrating to watch but also very enjoyable. If the Celtics had a good coach, they might be able to do some great things. Doc’s calls about who to put in when were amazing to actually see, rather than just hear about. The Celtics shot about 55%. You should never lose a game where you shoot that well. My takeaways from the game: Celtics have a lot of pieces that need to be utilized in the correct way. If this was done and players were given the right amount of playing time, the team would click. It’s actually amazing that they are shooting such a high FG % with the system they’ve got. Find the right coach, utilize the players who can make a difference and cut down on turnovers and the team will easily make the playoffs. The Celtics are the best 0-3 team in the NBA, Doc let’s not make it 0-4.