GERALD WINS! GERALD WINS!

Yes, it's true... Gerald Green has won the Slam Dunk Competition. He took a commanding lead in the first round and cruised to a head-to-head victory over Nate Robinson. He dunked an alley oop windmill off the side of the backboard, did a Dee Brown no look OVER Nate Robinson, took an alley oop over the backboard for a power slam, and then jumped over a table for the victory. There won't be any controversy about who should have won- Gerald was clearly the best out there, but the judges were a little dubious at times.

I have to say, this year's competition was much better than last year. Robinson's dunks were better this year than last, and Dwight Howard was definitely jobbed by the judges. Michael Jordan was playing the Simon Cowell all night, and only Gerald was able to pull a 10 out of that miserly leather-clad legend. The judges would basically all agree and then Michael would go one lower.

We'll do a dunk-by-dunk recap.

FIRST ROUND

Tyrus Thomas- after a couple failed attempts at an alley-oop with Ben Gordon, he settled for a between-the-legs-off-the-backboard power slam. TNT did a nice job showing Kenny Smith doing it better back in 1990. Looks like Tyrus Thomas' high school isn't going to be getting any donations this year...

Nate Robinson- he pulls off the BIRDMAN in his first attempt, a Robinson rarity. A nice jam, but the judges make it clear that being short will definitely be good for major extra points.

Dwight Howard- the lamest dunk of the night, he basically did a windmill slam. This dunk was something you could see in an average NBA game. I don't think Jesus approved of this one.

Gerald- Took the commanding lead with his first dunk. Using Paul Pierce, he took a an alley-oop off the side of the backboard, pulled the ball back to below his grundle, and slammed it home. The contest was basically over at this point.

FIRST ROUND - SECOND DUNK

Tyrus Thomas- Takes a page out of Nate Robinson's book and jumps "over" Ben Gordon... this was a nice dunk but the judges got it right. Tyrus Thomas is an ass and no one wants to watch him.

Nate Robinson- David Lee held the ball in the air, Nate jumped up, grabbed the ball, and pulled a 360 jam. Both of Robinson's first two dunks are better than all but one of his dunks from last year.

Dwight Howard- one-handed alley-oop from Jameer Nelson while simultaneously putting a sticker on the backboard. It was a picture of him, and, I think, a Biblical scripture. Uh... weird. This was an impressive feat because he almost touched the top of the backboard WHILE taking an alley-oop, but he only got 43 points (I think), making Gerald a virtual lock for the championship.

G- This contest is a lock for Gerald. He pumped up his Reebok's pulled out the Dee Brown Jersey, and pulled a NO LOOK dunk over Nate Robinson! Un-frikkin-believable... one of the best ever, and easily my FAVORITE dunk ever. Also, big, big props to Nate for standing in.

This put Robinson and G in the finals, cue awkward mid-competition interview! Who better to conduct it than Cheryl Miller? Poor Nate Robinson knew he was cooked.

FINALS

Nate Robinson- Here's the problem with Nasty Nate defending his title. He's short, as we all know, which makes the number of dunks he can attempt quite small. Also, his hands are tiny, so he can't palm the ball. Finally, I don't care what anyone says- his dunk over Spud Webb was so good that I don't think it would be possible for him to top. It was one of the best dunks of the contest- ever. So... when he went for a basic grab-the-rim-and-then-slam after numerous attempts it looked like Gerald could literally drop in a few layups for the win.

G- He had a long pow-wow with Paul Pierce that ended with Pierce saying something along the lines of "Uh... sure dude..." Then they went with an alley-oop from behind the backboard. Gerald jumped about ten feet in the air and put down a power jam, but it only put him two points ahead of Nate. Gerald then went to the hotel and took a nap while waiting for Nate to put his next dunk down.

Nate- In an homage to his victory last year, Nate took forever. He used the entire allotted two minutes, putting him down to two attempts. He bricked the first one. Gerald was cheering him on, and so was I. I don't care what anyone says, I like Nate Robinson. He could have been in the NFL, he's tiny, he's a spazz, he does ridiculous crap, and he beat the shit out of the JR Smith. When he finally put his 360-alley-oop down, we knew that Gerald would win.

G- He pulled out the table... jumped from two steps in front of the free throw line for a tomahawk jam. Jordan pulled out his "10" card... 50 points for the victory. He definitely got eh "50" because he so deserved winning the whole damn thing.

I'm pooped, but HUGE PROPS to G for winning this damn thing. We Heart You, Gerald!