News and Notes: Catching Up With Pittsnogle

-Yes, it's true, a man was given probation for having sex with a dead deer. Despite early reports indicating that it was our old friend Kevin Pittsnogle, it turns out it was some doofus by the name of "Bryan James Hathaway". His parents must be very proud.

SUPERIOR, Wis. --A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

The real question that goes unanswered: was it good for the dead deer? The other question is, was it this guy's first time?

He was found guilty in April 2005 of felony mistreatment of an animal after he killed a horse with the intention of having sex with it. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail and two years of extended supervision on that charge as well as six years of probation for taking and driving a vehicle without the owner's consent.

Nothing's worse than waking up in the morning to find your horse shot in the face and some teenager humping it.

"The type of behavior is disturbing," Judge Michael Lucci said. "It's disturbing to the public. It's disturbing to the court."

Agreed. However, Eddie Griffin has the DVD playing in his SUV as we speak!

-Kobe is denying that he called Kevin Durant about signing with Nike. In fact, he is supposedly "furious". My prediction is that he clubs a European dude in the face to retaliate.

-Ron Artest is appearing in court today, charged with four misdemeanors stemming from his "punch wife in the face and don't let her call the cops" incident. An attorney says:

"It's not a very serious case," said attorney Jem Martin, who has handled hundreds of domestic violence cases over the past decade, first as a public defender and now in private practice. "If it's not Ron Artest, it would go away."

As for potential sentencing, Martin said: "Technically Artest's maximum exposure is three years in county jail -- but that will never happen. In a situation like this, in Sacramento County anyway, the very worst case would be some community service."

What did the community ever do to deserve Ron Artest's service?!?

-Greg Oden described himself in this Washington Post article as a "brainiac".

He would come home from kindergarten and brag to Zoe about what he had learned. At Lawrence North, he took calculus as a senior and other college-level math courses for two years and earned a 3.8 grade-point average.

Impressive! I'm sure he set the SAT's on fire, as well.

Oden still keeps in contact with McCord. When Oden called her two weeks ago, he talked about how much he liked his History of Rock & Roll class and told her a funny story about one of his friends. They never mentioned basketball.

"If you take basketball away from him, I don't think he's going to lay down and die on us," Keefer said. "He wants to be an accountant."

Good gravy... I mean, this guy could be playing for the Celtics next year, so I feel a little bad ripping this guy, but he goes to Ohio State. Andy Katzenmoyer Ohio State. Maurice Clarett Ohio State. 10 percent graduation rate Ohio State. He takes 2 classes, one of which is the History of Rock and Roll. The other, Sociology... well... is that a helluva lot more useful? Does that schedule even COUNT as "going to college"?!? Two classes a semester? Does he even satisfy the FRESHMAN MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS to go on to his sophomore year? Now he wants to be an accountant??!? I mean, prospects get the benefit of the doubt. Their people fudge the stats a little in terms of height, weight, vertical leap, etc... but you can't tell me that kid is smart enough, or academically motivated enough, to be a friggin' accountant. I guess if he gets straight A's in that grueling four-credit hour schedule I will change

If anybody ever tells you that these kids should stay in school to get a degree, pass up tens of millions in earnings PER YEAR, so they can get a useless degree in "Communications" or "Liberal Studies" which would qualify them for a $35,000/year paper pushing job... do them a favor and punch them directly in the testicles.