EDDY CURRY ROBBED!

Chicago (ESPN)- NBA superstar and colossal lardass Eddy Curry was robbed in his home yesterday. The home was invaded by three gun-toting hoodlums, Curry and his family were tied up and the robbers stole $10,000 worth of cash and an undisclosed amount of jewelry. No one was injured in the incident.

"Mr. Curry and his family are lucky that no one was hurt," said Detective Dickau. "He kept on saying that he had a great security system, but I'm not so sure. He had a protective wall around the house, true, but it was made out of Twizzlers and Mike & Ike's. He also had a chocolate syrup moat, which was good, but... the whole house was made out of cake. It just wasn't that secure, especially when you take into account that it appears as though large portions of the home were already consumed. As of this time, we don't know whether the intruders ate their way in or Mr. Curry just, um, tunneled his way out of his own house leaving it open for the intruders to come and go as they pleased. It remains to be determined."

The Knicks said that their first concern was making sure that Mr. Curry wasn't hungry, and their second concern was to investigate whether it was a member of the Knicks' roster that performed the break-in. Nate Robinson's lawyers have yet to return calls.