Celticsblog Sucks, the Aftermath
While my homie Nic did an outstanding job of coming out of nowhere to randomly smash Celticsblog the other day, I feel I need to respond to some of the negative feedback we have been receiving as a fallout. These are some fake responses.
"Did you need to use the word 'suck'? It hurt my feelings."
-KGforPresident
This was, by far, the most popular message we got. We had several hundred variations on this theme. Celticsbloggers are a thoughtful, sensitive crowd. Quit whining! Boston is supposed to be a tough town. I know you Celticsbloggers are from Delaware... but come on. Plus, this is the internet, where 12-year-olds are encouraged to call high level executives cock gobblers, or worse, and vice versa. Jeff Clark and his minions run their messageboard as if they are everyone's overprotective fundamentalist father that doesn't believe in dancing, women showing their ankles in public, or dinosaurs. Power to them. However, it doesn't mean they can impose their Victorian moral code on I*Heart*Celtics, or the rest of the internet, for that matter. Nut up, dorks.
"Why didn't you mention me by name? I keep Celticsblog alive! Has all my hard work gone in vain!?"
-FLCeltsFan
No way girlfriend!! We all definitely appreciate the hundreds upon hundreds of Celtics links every day. Sure, many of them are just quoting each other. Sure, most people don't need to look in 75 different newspapers to verify that the Celtics had, indeed, traded for Kevin Garnett. However, when I am reading the Celtics coverage in the Globe in the morning, I often find myself wondering, "What does the Saipan Tribune or the Seacoast Online have to say about Eddie House's experience at point guard?" That's what you're there for, FLCelticsFan- drudging up random and uninformed opinions from people we have never heard of.
"I don't think you guys are being fair. We have written recently about how the Celtics need to work together, how the Celtics need to shoot well and rebound, and how it's important to have a strong bench. That's the kind of hard-hitting analysis you'll never find in the Globe, Herald, or in Mr. McGarty's high school journalism class."
-Bob Day
True. Whenever I am wondering whether the Celtics will need to play well as a team in order to win, I get my answers at Celticsblog. Additionally, I never gave Celticsblog credit that time last year when I was wondering, "Will the Celtics need strong point guard play to contend for a championship?" The answer, thanks to Celticsblog, was yes.
"You guys are immature! I am going to drop a Charlie Chaplin reference on you that will make your head spin!"
-JB
Fair enough! I*Heart*Celtics is to immaturity what Celticsblog is to taking themselves too seriously.
"MOVED: 'Celticsblog sucks'. This conversation has been moved to Off Topic."
-Celticsblog Admisitrator
Dammit! I should have seen that coming!
"You guys are just jealous of Celticsblog."
-Anonymous
Now, this one I saw coming a mile away. It was as predictable as the forthcoming, "Is Rondo A Good Enough Shooter for the Celtics to Be a Contender?" article on Celticsblog. (He is, BTW) For one, there's no way that we can prove that we AREN'T jealous of Celticsblog because you can't prove a negative. I can tell you that I spent all day yesterday not being jealous of Celticsblog, but it wouldn't mean much. Even though it's totally true. However, we can prove that Celticsblog blows as regularly as Vin Baker at traffic stops. The "you're jealous" response is easy because then you don't have to defend Celticsblog's atrocious writing... which no one in their right mind would ever do.
Come on, dropping Bing Crosby references while using Scott Pollard as a source for how the Celtics' offense is going to look?!? Scott "I Play 30 Games a Season for the Whichever Team is the Most Mediocre That Year" Pollard!? Even worse, one of those jackasses seriously considers signing John Stockton as a backup point guard! The only supporting evidence JB has is that John Stockton is still wears nut-hugging basketball shorts instead of underpants. Flimsy. At best. I guess those articles should be lauded because they actually have a point of view... but still...
The truth of the matter is that Celticsblog has been annoying for quite some time, for a variety of reasons. Clearly, we're not the only people that think so. It's not their wild success that's irritating. Our quarrels are these:
1) Their writing is boring, boring, boring.
2) We're pretty sure that their messageboard moderators are ex-Taliban. If not, the Taliban is definitely taking notes.
3) They take themselves waa-a-ay too seriously.
4) They are based in Delaware, the lamest state in the Union, bar none.
5) They have no sense of humor.
Should all Celtics fans get along? Should we refrain from making fun of fellow fans, or fellow blogs? Of course not! I watch the Patriots every Sunday, but I don't have anything in common with this troglodyte. Nor do I have anything in common with those horrendous Yankee-hating Red Sox fans that have been watching the Sox for three years and are less articulate than drunk, brain damaged dock workers. Or these dudes. Or crusty old Bob Ryan. Or Dan Shaughnessy. It would be a disservice to all of our readers- meaning our mothers, Nic and Chap's brother, Emster, and the dude that religiously posts about pooping on Jeff Clark in our comments section- if we didn't tell it as we see it. So, as long as Celticsblog is a humorless, sexless, Taliban-run borefest, we will continue to insist that it sucks. Which it does, and will continue to do. So there.
"Did you need to use the word 'suck'? It hurt my feelings."
-KGforPresident
This was, by far, the most popular message we got. We had several hundred variations on this theme. Celticsbloggers are a thoughtful, sensitive crowd. Quit whining! Boston is supposed to be a tough town. I know you Celticsbloggers are from Delaware... but come on. Plus, this is the internet, where 12-year-olds are encouraged to call high level executives cock gobblers, or worse, and vice versa. Jeff Clark and his minions run their messageboard as if they are everyone's overprotective fundamentalist father that doesn't believe in dancing, women showing their ankles in public, or dinosaurs. Power to them. However, it doesn't mean they can impose their Victorian moral code on I*Heart*Celtics, or the rest of the internet, for that matter. Nut up, dorks.
"Why didn't you mention me by name? I keep Celticsblog alive! Has all my hard work gone in vain!?"
-FLCeltsFan
No way girlfriend!! We all definitely appreciate the hundreds upon hundreds of Celtics links every day. Sure, many of them are just quoting each other. Sure, most people don't need to look in 75 different newspapers to verify that the Celtics had, indeed, traded for Kevin Garnett. However, when I am reading the Celtics coverage in the Globe in the morning, I often find myself wondering, "What does the Saipan Tribune or the Seacoast Online have to say about Eddie House's experience at point guard?" That's what you're there for, FLCelticsFan- drudging up random and uninformed opinions from people we have never heard of.
"I don't think you guys are being fair. We have written recently about how the Celtics need to work together, how the Celtics need to shoot well and rebound, and how it's important to have a strong bench. That's the kind of hard-hitting analysis you'll never find in the Globe, Herald, or in Mr. McGarty's high school journalism class."
-Bob Day
True. Whenever I am wondering whether the Celtics will need to play well as a team in order to win, I get my answers at Celticsblog. Additionally, I never gave Celticsblog credit that time last year when I was wondering, "Will the Celtics need strong point guard play to contend for a championship?" The answer, thanks to Celticsblog, was yes.
"You guys are immature! I am going to drop a Charlie Chaplin reference on you that will make your head spin!"
-JB
Fair enough! I*Heart*Celtics is to immaturity what Celticsblog is to taking themselves too seriously.
"MOVED: 'Celticsblog sucks'. This conversation has been moved to Off Topic."
-Celticsblog Admisitrator
Dammit! I should have seen that coming!
"You guys are just jealous of Celticsblog."
-Anonymous
Now, this one I saw coming a mile away. It was as predictable as the forthcoming, "Is Rondo A Good Enough Shooter for the Celtics to Be a Contender?" article on Celticsblog. (He is, BTW) For one, there's no way that we can prove that we AREN'T jealous of Celticsblog because you can't prove a negative. I can tell you that I spent all day yesterday not being jealous of Celticsblog, but it wouldn't mean much. Even though it's totally true. However, we can prove that Celticsblog blows as regularly as Vin Baker at traffic stops. The "you're jealous" response is easy because then you don't have to defend Celticsblog's atrocious writing... which no one in their right mind would ever do.
Come on, dropping Bing Crosby references while using Scott Pollard as a source for how the Celtics' offense is going to look?!? Scott "I Play 30 Games a Season for the Whichever Team is the Most Mediocre That Year" Pollard!? Even worse, one of those jackasses seriously considers signing John Stockton as a backup point guard! The only supporting evidence JB has is that John Stockton is still wears nut-hugging basketball shorts instead of underpants. Flimsy. At best. I guess those articles should be lauded because they actually have a point of view... but still...
The truth of the matter is that Celticsblog has been annoying for quite some time, for a variety of reasons. Clearly, we're not the only people that think so. It's not their wild success that's irritating. Our quarrels are these:
1) Their writing is boring, boring, boring.
2) We're pretty sure that their messageboard moderators are ex-Taliban. If not, the Taliban is definitely taking notes.
3) They take themselves waa-a-ay too seriously.
4) They are based in Delaware, the lamest state in the Union, bar none.
5) They have no sense of humor.
Should all Celtics fans get along? Should we refrain from making fun of fellow fans, or fellow blogs? Of course not! I watch the Patriots every Sunday, but I don't have anything in common with this troglodyte. Nor do I have anything in common with those horrendous Yankee-hating Red Sox fans that have been watching the Sox for three years and are less articulate than drunk, brain damaged dock workers. Or these dudes. Or crusty old Bob Ryan. Or Dan Shaughnessy. It would be a disservice to all of our readers- meaning our mothers, Nic and Chap's brother, Emster, and the dude that religiously posts about pooping on Jeff Clark in our comments section- if we didn't tell it as we see it. So, as long as Celticsblog is a humorless, sexless, Taliban-run borefest, we will continue to insist that it sucks. Which it does, and will continue to do. So there.
posted by BP at
12:53 PM
35 Comments:
today's Celticsblog article is so gay, even Jeff's own ass must hurt
If I say Celticsblog sucks, will you crap in my mouth then?
Our Readers Demand An Answer!!!
Sweet, false quotes. You guys are opening yourself up for legal liability. Smart thinking!
Wow,
Here's a dipshit who resorts to the law without any clue about fair use. Call Bill Simmons, he went to BU, he'll fill you in...
I am not sure the genlteman at www.jeffclark.org has anything to do with Celticsblog. We got in a long discussion about Dungeons&Dragons but that's a story for another day!
Are you retarded? Fair use has nothing to due with falsely impersonating others. Wow.
Public figure
It's even mentioned in the first paragraph that they are fake responses.
Wyc,
We think you meant satirize. We think they're satirizing the lack of tolerance on Celticsblog by creating a character that, through hyperbole, illustrates the kind of behavior that might make Celticsblog fun. Maybe that's just our read. Whatever you think of its merits, it is humor, it is funny, and it is legally allowed.
And yes, I am retarded. Does that mean you won't crap in my mouth. I've always wanted an I*heart*celtics shitparty!
The last time Roy Hobbs crapped in my mouth he had diarrhea and it covered my face. It was fantastic. I had Alex from Celtics24/7 give Roy a blumpkin at the same time. It was one wild night in Delaware.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Blogwars are nerdy
You are all just fat white people who can't play basketball...
(like scal)
jeff's article today is the gayest thing I've ever read. The gist of Jeff's article, if you read between the lines is this: Jeff's fantasy is that Garnett will dominate him and fuck him hard in the ass, Ray Allen will let Jeff blow him, Paul Pierce will cuddle with Jeff afterwards and offer to blow him knowing that Jeff would rather do the blowing, but it's just this little game they play before they 69. So basically, Garnett is the new man in Jeff's homo-fantasy-world, but he's still Paul Pierce's wife. Ray Allen is odd man out, but who knows, maybe the sentence about him having "the heart of a preacher" is evidence of Jeff's growing desire.
It kills me that this guy is taken seriously by anyone. It is literally the worst piece of shit i've ever read.
Mr. Foyle,
We take great umbrage at your insinuation that the Beast Lair is anything but a racially diverse place to work. Only white people accuse other people of being white, you no handle having, only goes right, too fat to jump, poser!!
Free speech is cool. Gay slurs are not. Let's keep them to a minimum shall we?
Sullivan is a homo, I know because after he crapped in my mouth last night, I gave it to him for hours. You're only gay if you're a reciever Sullivan, not if you get your mouth crapped in by other men.
I don't think "gay" is a gay slur, but point taken. I was simply trying to point out how creepy Jeff's article is. Any real gay people out there, I apologize for lumping you in with Jeff. He hates you by the way. Jesus told him to.
I can only imagine what our Google ads will look like once they realize that our comments section is a gay poop fetish forum.
If you're looking for a Gay Poop Forum, look no further. All new members are pre-qualified to crap in my mouth.
This is in no way a response to how much Celtics 24/7 killed you guys.
If by killed you mean making fun of this site's grammar and crying about people being negative about their friends than yes they killed. However, if you mean a well thought out response that hit on all the pertinant points, than no it was in no way a "kill job." In fact it was as lame as Jesus Jeff's writing. Keep it up guys, this is an all out nerd war.
This is the funniest comments section Celticsblog has ever had. Honestly, I mean that, or my name isn't Roy Knobbs.
I will come back to haunt your dreams JB.
Jerry Cole lives!
Jeff Clark bring two things to my life: emotion and detail. The detail lies in practicing anal with my Delaware dick and learning to accept that love is painful, or learning about I<3Celtics and their jealousy of my Peach State partner. The emotion lies in heartbreaking poignant attacks and glorious killing retribution. That’s what I bring and will continue to bring to Celtics 24/7 along with a swollen anus: emotion and detail.
Why Jeff Clark Sucks
1. He is a horrible writer.
2. His insecurity causes him to stifle any divergent view. This insecurity also leads to trolling various Celtic blogs looking for any criticism.
3. He knows nothing about other NBA teams, and doesn’t follow the NCAA, and therefore knows very little about the actual game of basketball.
4. He empowers moderators as, if not more, insecure as he is, and who know almost as little about basketball.
5. He thinks Paul Pierce isn’t gay.
You forgot:
I love to be crapped on by dudes!
Irony: people complaining about another blog's insecurity on a blog taking shots at others.
(I think the word I was looking for was actually closer to "Hypocrisy", but I'm sure you understand the point.)
It is cool that you guys are becoming known as the scat-fetish, homophobic, anti-Christian blog, though. I will remember to bookmark this site for all of my scatological needs.
And yes, I think Jeff and all of his mods do a good job. There's a reason they're the biggest blog out there, and that has something to do with their keeping things above the fray.
You have enough cliches in there to graduate from Northeastern - Congrats!
I think every reader of the Celtics blog and its coverage of the NBA is very aware it is that Delaware Crab loving horses ass who has the problems with gay. You can call me homophobic but only after I'm done with my man's dick. This is Massachusetts. Jeff enjoying manshit has nothing to do with my monogamous, loving relationship. Where was the John Ammechi coverage? The Tim Hardaway coverage? Oh, that's right. Jeff doesn't hate gay men just as long as they don't try and turn him!
We just love that they hate you for what we've done.
5 Reasons you guys better Kool it on the Haterade.
1.Injuries: I will mentally injure you with another post on why you suck.
2.Depth: My articles have great depth for I write with emotion and detail.
3.Egos: My lover's ego is huge, thats why he has a big blog...to compensate for a (____).*fill in the blank*
4.Doc: What's up Doc?
5.Competition: I <3 C's is no competition to us. You dare attempt to advise Jeff Clark?
Celticsblog has definitely gone way downhill...
At one time it was a boring website that had news and discussion. Now it's a boring site that stifles discussion and reprints articles.
Not that there is anything better out there now.
May we suggest
www.perkisabeast.com.blog
This is hilarious. One thing's definitely for sure: Bob Day is a piece of shit. It pains me that cocksucker roots for the same team I do.
He's a total ballbag who must've gotten picked on a lot in elementary school and likes to flex his moderator power. Most of the mods there suck, but Bob Day take it to a whole new level for being an asshole.
By the way Anonymous above is totally Roy Hobbs- who's got nothing on Roy Knobbs lmao
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