Player Preview: Kevin Garnett

Nicknames: KG, The Kid, The Franchise, The Big Ticket
Born in: South Carolina
High School: Farragut Career Academy (Chicago)
Married to: Brandi Padilla (2004)
Wife Related To: Jimmy Jam
KG's Cousin Is: Shammond Williams
Wears: Rubber bands
Donated: $1.2 million to Oprah's Hurricane Katrina fund
Looks Like: Skeletor
Tattoos: 2, one that says "KG" and the other that says "Blood, Sweat & Tears"
Website: http://www.kevingarnett.com/
Fan of: Soccer (especially the EPL)
Random Quote: "To the fact that you can't really speak to the ref and the refs don't want to hear it, that's almost like communism. That's like Castro, you know what I'm saying?"
Awards: 10-time All-Star, 8-time All-NBA, 8-time All-Defense, 1-time league MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist (2000)
Random Quote #2: "This is it. It's for all the marbles. I'm sitting in the house loading up the pump, I'm loading up the Uzis, I've got a couple of M-16s, couple of nines, couple of joints with some silencers on them, couple of grenades, got a missile launcher. I'm ready for war."
Criticisms: Overpaid, folds down the stretch, anorexia posterboy

Random YouTube Clip: KG growing up, set to two of the most annoying songs of all time


Life Story: Kevin Garnett appears to have been intense from birth. He grew up in South Carolina and then spent his senior year in Chicago. He came straight out of high school before it was popular, and he made the transition pretty smoothly, although oddly enough he was only a second team all-rookie his first year. Who won ROY that season? You guessed it- Damon Stoudemire. He had a bunch of great individual seasons, signed a contract that practically bankrupted his small-market team, flopped a couple times in the playoffs, was rumored to be traded a couple times every season (it seems), bitterly rejected the very concept of getting traded to the C's, then accepted it once the C's got Ray Allen. Then, in a surreal ESPN spot shot in Italy, he proclaimed that they were "the Ceatles" and that he was Paul.

Legal History: The reason KG left South Carolina was because he was arrested in some kind of race-related fight. He was not directly involved, according to Wikipedia, but he was arrested anyway. So, he decided to get the hell out of South Carolina because he didn't want any more drama. Details are sketchy, but chances are if he did anything too bad, someone would have noticed the 7-foot, 95 pound basketball superstar breaking the law. Since no one fingered him, he walked away.

He has also been suspended for getting in some seriously sissy-looking fights. He got elbowed in the face by Anthony Peeler back in the day. He also got in this one with McDyess.


While we're on the subject of really wussy fights, here's the one with Matt Bonner!


But, in a disturbing trend, I would even call it SCANDELOUS, all the great NBA fight videos are being taken down by the NBA for copyright violations. DAMMIT I hate that little troll David Stern.

Season Prediction: If the preseason is any indication, and it is, KG is going to have an insane year. Insane. He still has his unparalleled intensity. Now, here's the difference- instead of passing to the Kandi Man, he's dishing to Perk, who is going to shoot close to 100% from the field because ALL he does is dunk now. Also, he has two of the finest perimeter scorers of his generation ready for the kickout. Additionally, the Eastern Conference is a joke compared to the West, especially when it comes to power forwards. Obviously, his stats won't be as big because he is splitting the pie three ways, but his player efficiency numbers will be absurd. However, I will not be satisfied with KG's season until he slaps at someone like ARod running the basepaths. I feel that I am owed at least one glorified game of grabass on the court.