Last year I went to one single Celtics game- in Salt Lake City. You can read that account
here and
here. Since that game, I have moved to Washington, DC and have been able to attend one game this season... last night against the Wizards. We had roughly the worst seats I have ever had since I went to Beck with Leif in 10th grade and the ushers didn't even know row ZZZ even existed. Still, it was a blast.
They call DC "Hollywood for ugly people," where people are either humorless power mongers from somewhere else or ridiculously well-connected liberal arts students from somewhere else. However, some of that reputation is untrue. DC isn't just for ugly people. I mean, rumor has it that only Hillary
Clinton's cankles and gingivitis kept her from being her generation's Julia Roberts.
Also, despite all the political mercenary transplants, all the lame politcal bickering- this city joins together to love the Washington Wizards. This is thanks mostly to Agent Zero, who is the single most hilarious athlete ever.
This has been somewhat of a surprise to me. I thought that all athletic interest was directed to the Washington Redskins and whining about Alfonso Soriano. I never understood how the franchise could withstand the switch from the "Bullets" (badass, but drew attention to the District's ridiculous murder rate) to the "Wizards" (lame, but draws in the lucrative "living in your parents' basement playing Magic cards until you're 35" demographic). The fans were considerably more exitable than the zombies watching the Utah Jazz last year, that's for sure... but that may have something to do with the fact that in SLC we snuck into the sixth row with all the nearly dead season ticket holders, whereas in DC we somehow got the only seats in the section that weren't part of a Baptist church group. Baptists are firey.
The fans were quite confident that this would be a big win for the Wizards, and why not? The Wizards have been on a roll (won 4 in a row) and the Celtics have been on a roll (lost 6 in a row). When the Wizards built almost a 20-point lead before halftime, Mrs. BP and I started looking for empty seats courtside... but these damn Wizards fans aren't like Lakers fans- they actually stay!
But I am getting ahead of myself here.
Since the Verizon Center is in
Chinatown, Mrs. BP and I hit up the
National Portrait Gallery and Chinatown Express before the game. The Portrait Gallery is pretty sweet, I have to admit. I especially enjoyed the gigantic portrait of my boy
Tom Wolfe. The key to a good museum, I believe, is limiting the number of paintings executed using the spray diarreah technique and the projectile paint vomit technique.
Speaking of projectile vomit, we had dinner at Chinatown Express, which has a strong reputation. However, being the best Chinese food restaurant in DC is kind of like being the best bullfighter in Alaska. The service was so fast, they were just a step away from just shovelling your order into your gullet and kicking your ass out the door. The food tasted good, but I barfed this morning. Take that how you want.
When we got to the Verizon Center, I wanted to go shmooze with Mad Max but, as I mentioned, the climb to our seats was long and arduous. I was just glad that we had climatized to the elevation after a year in Utah.
The Celtics were abysmal in the first quarter. I can only remember the Wizards missing two shots in the period and they scored 39 points total. Outrageous. It sucked.
There's something to seeing a game live that gives you more insight. Perhaps it's because you don't have to decipher Cooz's rambling bitchfest about point guard play. Right away, I was stunned tonight by how ODD the Celtics' offensive scheme is. When they don't have a chance to push the ball upcourt, this is the Celtics' basic offensive set in relation to the 24-second clock.
24-13 seconds: Brings the ball up the floor/sets up the offense.
13-9 seconds: A big guy gets the ball at the top of the key and stands around.
9-7 seconds: Point guard gets the ball and swings it to the perimeter.
7-4 seconds: Perimeter player jab steps.
4-1 seconds: Perimeter player drives and either shoots or dishes it outside.
1-0 seconds: Frantic shot.
I don't understand it. Mrs. BP, who watches one game every season, kept saying, "Why do they wait until the last second to shoot?" Excellent question. It doesn't make a lot of sense. The Celtics seemed determined to break the NBA record for 24-second violations against the Wizards last night.
I am sure I am not the first person to ask this question, but why do the Celtics want Kendrick Perkins and Leon Powe essentially playing point guard? What's the objective there? I understand that this is called the "high post". Well, it sucks.
To be fair, Perkins had the nicest pass of the night- a beautiful backdoor pass to Gomes, I think. But, the Celtics had two 24-second violations and at least three last-second chucks to beat the shot clock. If the Celtics execute effectively enough to get decent shots off, assuming they hit 2 out of 5 (reasonable, considering they shot 47% from the game)... the game doesn't go into overtime.
Still, for all my bitching and moaning, I had to admire the plucky little devils. After getting smoked in the first quarter (the Wizards probably missed, like, two shots), the Celts were tough in fighting back. In the fourth quarter, the Celts had the Wizards on the ropes, and only a bungled opportunity at the end of regulation kept them from victory. Just to be in the game with the Wizards, who are legitimately good, when your oldest player on the floor is a three-year veteran is amazing.
Speaking of Delonte, he was the BOMB DIGGIDY. 13 points, 11 assists, 4 rebounds, 3 steals, and a block. Sure, he had 5 turnovers, but most of them were because he had to drive like a maniac at the end of the shot clock. He played excellent defense on whoever he was guarding, set his teammates up nicely for shots, and did his usual Delonte plays (log rolls and egg rolls left and right... Mrs. Silver would have been very proud).
His compatriot in the back court was Rajon Rondo. He was easily the shortest and skinniest dude on the court. An Olsen twin would probably be able to beat him in an arm-wrestling contest, yet he pulled down 10 rebounds because he jumps like a flea and MY GOD THOSE FINGERS. He also had 10 points (including a sweet baseline jumper) and 7 assists. Yeah, he goofed down the stretch, but he's a rookie and his defense on Gilbert Arenas more than made up for it. I do have a couple of comments about his game, however.
Rondo's shooting form comes straight from his shoulder, which isn't necessarily good but it makes sense. He's so frikkin skinny it looks like he's trying to shoot a medicine ball. However, he doesn't bring the ball up straight into his shooting motion- he has a hitch where the ball flares out to his right before he brings it up. His release and follow-through are both good, and he has nice touch, but he tends to miss left and right instead of long and short. I hope that the Celtics coaches have noticed this and can correct it, because that's the only real problem I can see with his shot.
Rondo's runners in the lane are Sherman Douglas-esque, his hops are ridonkulous, and his court awareness is as alien-good as his ET fingers. He's going to be a STUD for the Celtics, which makes Sebastian Telfair... um... about as useful as the Kandi Man. (6 minutes of PT each) I should mention that Telfair had the worst missed layup in a pre-game layup line since I went for a reverse layup in eighth grade against Ayer and wound up tripping, airballing, and faceplanting. Telfair went for a double pump finger roll, but wound up chucking the ball off the bottom of the rim and almost getting decapitated.
The star of the layup lines was definitely Allan Ray, who apparantly can dunk! Who woulda thunk it? He can also shoot from time to time... he was a beast in the fourth quarter- dropping threes like my main man
Cameron Mills. I hope the Celtics hold on to him, because good teams need several wild cards who can either shoot the lights out or just patiently sit on the bench. As I am writing this, Stackhouse is ripping up the Heat in the fourth quarter. Ray had 20 points on 4-6 shooting from three... taking all of Gerald's PT. Gerald had three outrage
ous fouls called against him and that was enough for Doc to give him the yank for the entire game. Whatever, you can't complain because Ray was on fire.
BUT... you gotta hand it to Gomes. We fell in love with him
way back when, and our love has withstood the ups and downs, as well as the jealousies that come with fame and travel. Last night made all the hard work worthwhile. 31 points and 9 rebounds? He made Jamison look silly. He was ducking and dodging, up-faking and drilling the J. And he did all that with me salivating all over him for all 47 minutes he was in there. Not to be outdone, Big Al looks noticeably skinner in person and he also looks NIMBLE. His up-and-under move is unstoppable, and he is relentless in going to the basket. I love his tenacity.
Alright, I am rambling along here... so let's do some superlatives.
WORST TURTLENECK: Doc Rivers. Woof.
BEST GAME INTRODUCTION I HAVE EVER SEEN: The Washington Wizards. I could have dunked from the three point line I was so fired up after that baby.
BEST D: 15 seconds left, game tied, Wizards ball. Gilbert Arenas gets the ball, orders everyone to clear out, Rondo's on him. Rondo, LIKE A PIMP, just stands there, wipes his shoes on his hands, and gets into the most intimidating defensive stance since Neon Deion. Gilbert looks at him, and just chucks up a long three. Rondo's right in his face, no basket.
WORST VERTICAL LEAP: Perk. He gets -2 inches on every jump. I still heart him, but man, he should sit down and let his feet heal up. He wasn't even dunking during the layups lines.
"SHOULD HAVE PLAYED SOCCER" AWARD: Jamison, who fell over, cried for about 5 minutes, got carried off, and then returned two minutes later.
WORST FAN: This jackass... thank goodness we had our camera. This guy was wearing a Red Sox hat and screaming "BOSTON SUCKS!" Now, I probably watch part of 130 out of 162 games during the regular season game and every minute of every playoff game, but being a Red Sox fan is becoming increasingly difficult. The team overhauls, the meddling team president, the ridiculous overspending, the disdain for player development, the underachieving.... I dunno.... all I'll say is that I'll bet Fred Durst is wearing a Red Sox hat these days. Even still, wearing a Red Sox hat and chanting "BOSTON SUCKS"... you just suck at life. Nice gloves, tool.
BEST FINGERS: Tie. Rondo's ET fingers and Gerald's 9 1/2 fingers.
MOST SURREAL MOMENT: It was Military Appreciation Night, which was nice. However, I couldn't believe the halftime ceremony which included soldiers getting sworn in at midcourt while basketball players were shooting layups and fans were getting nachos. The smattering of boos during the "I will obey the President of the United States" didn't re
ally help. Awk-ward...
BEST T-SHIRT: Don't be distracted by the disturbing stare of the clearly deranged model. His shirt is dope. "Just Dee It"...
AVAILABLE NOW AT THE I*HEART*CELTICS SHOP!!!! WE CAN'T KEEP THEM ON THE SHELVES!!!! Pick up a Brian Scalabrine apron for the low low price of $400 while you're at it.
All in all, I hope all you Celtics fans out there aren't despairing. Sure, the Celtics are one of the worst teams in the league, schedule wise. However, need I remind you that their franchise player is out, as well as their other two best perimeter players, their point guards are young (but good!), their starting center can't jump, and their current team's only true veteran is the biggest number 1 pick bust in history. The truth is this- the Celtics probably won't make the playoffs, but the ONLY reason for that is injuries. The team is good. The young players are good. If the Celtics land in the lottery this year, they're going to be MONEY next year once everyone heals up. So, what is there to bitch about? You have to watch Big Al and Gomes turn into a 20/10 guys? You have to watch Rondo turn into a 12/10 point guard? You have to watch Gerald Green develop into one of the best off-the-screen shooters since Reggie Miller? Please!
The Celtics play hard, they're fun to watch, and they're legitimately going to be nasty once they get their studs back and Doc quits after the season. So, unless you want to take a page out of that jackass with the Red Sox hat's book, appreciate these young dudes and start fantisizing about Kevin Durant.
LAKERS WIN AND EVEN TAKE THE TIME TO RUB IT IN; ODOM PEGS PERK IN THE NUTS; KOBE GOES BANANAS AND STARTS DRAINING SHOTS FROM HALFCOURT (LITERALLY); JEFFERSON RENDERED USELESS AFTER LAKERS FIGURE OUT THE 'HEAD FAKE'; I CATCH THE 'WATCHING WALLY PLAY' VIRUS FROM DELONTE AND PUKE MY BRAINS OUT
