The revolutionary website that combines McHale's shoulders, Bird's moustache, M.L. Carr's towel, Red's cigar, Russell's rings, Pierce's headband,
Tommy's bias, Cousy's moves, Tony Allen's street smarts, Scalabrine's appetite, Rondo's freakishly huge hands, Cassell's looks, and Garnett's pterodactyline physique.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Delonte's crib is an unpacked efficiency
Delonte West seems upset, and he's pretty convinced he won't be in Seattle long. Could he be the point guard support the Celtics are looking for?
Delonte told the Seattle Times today:
All of my stuff in my apartment in Seattle is still packed up, I haven't even unpacked my stuff. I still got a month-to-month efficiency here. It's still in bags. I haven't necessarily been welcomed with open arms. I thought they would tell me to go to the D-League with [Mickael] Gelabale. I'm not even getting in the rotation in practice.
Typically a jovial character with a touch of sexual deviance, Delonte is clearly not living the Jim Jone's-listenin', Popeyes chicken-eatin', white suit-wearin' lifestyle he was back in Boston. The guy hasn't even gotten himself a decent apartment up in the Pacific Northwest. He talks as if his future in Seattle will be very short-lived, and I know at least one guy writing this post that would sure as hell want Delonte back on his favorite team: me.
As far as D-West not even playing in practice: What the hell? I mean, who in his right mind plays Earl Watson AND Damien Wilkins over the Sultan of Sex Delonte West? Not me. Not Doc. Not that poor chick over at St. Joes...
Listen Danny, you can wait all you want for Sam Cassell, or you can sack up and finagle Delonte away from Seattle. If you package Pollard, a box of Chris Herron's Dunkin Donuts, and Lucky's (hopefully) expiring contract, you might just be able to pull it.
BP and Sullivan co-anchored About.com's Atlantic Division Report this week. Make sure to check it out here, along with the other great articles on there.
You know the drill by now. BP and Nic discuss all the pertinent matters of the day. Are the Celtics doomed to fail? Is KG a lunatic? Should they sign Damon Stoudemire? Will the Birdman return to former glory? Does smoking pot prevent lung cancer, as David Harrison contends? These will all be answered if you'll just click here and sit still for 30 minutes.
DWIGHT HOWARD ACHIEVES "OFFICIAL DOUCHEBAG" STATUS FOR COMMITTING AN UNCALLED LOOSE BALL FOUL EVERY MISSED SHOT/TRYING TO ELBOW RAJON IN THE FACE FOR NO REASON; CELTICS BATTLE BACK TWICE SANS GARNETT BUT THE TURKISH DELIGHT MAKES MIRACLE THREE TO WIN GAME FOR THE MAGIC
THANKS PERK!!! CELTICS BEAT "B" SQUAD IN FINAL MINUTE
PERK GOES BANANAS TO LEAD CELTICS TO ONE OF THE WEIRDEST WINS OF THE SEASON
The Celtics played against a team comprised almost completely of Celtics castoffs tonight, which was depressing. It's weird to hear Tommy bitch about Jefferson not getting called for three seconds. Here are the other weird parts of the game-
1) Perk was the most potent offensive force on the floor for either team. (He also had the game winner!) 2) Kevin Garnett had a spazz attack injury in which he left the floor, collapsed in the tunnel, and returned after about two minutes. 3) Ray Allen shot 4-18 and Paul went 4-15. 4) Sebastian Telfair TORCHED Rajon Rondo. 5) Doc actually had a good endgame strategy! WTF1? 6) Kevin Garnett had a steal off of Sebastian Telfair at the three point line to seal the game. 7) Again, Sebastian Telfair TORCHED Rajon Rondo. 8) Cory Brewer couldn't get the ball inbounds with 23 seconds left in the game. When does that happen in the NBA? 9) Big Baby looked like he was playing basketball for the first time. 10) Where the hell was Scalbrine!? 11) Antoine Walker is losing minutes to Cory Brewer, and it's definitely deserved. What happened to 'Twan!?
It was nice to see the Celtics pull out a victory in a game they should have lost thanks to good execution down the stretch. Doc had the Celtics taking high-percentage shots WITH PLAYERS UNDER THE BASKET FOR POTENTIAL OFFENSIVE REBOUNDS! Doc may have learned something logical! This is a very, very good sign, ladies and gents.
I said this afternoon that the Celtics would win if they guarded the perimeter well, and they didn't, so they lost. The Raptors luckboxed into a narrow victory riding Anthony Carter (4-6 threes), Jose Calderon (3-4 threes), and career reject Carlos Delfino going frikkin' 5-5 from behind the arc. It was outrageous. The Raptors came cruising back in the fourth quarter as the Celtics hit the "play like morons" button at exactly the right time to lose. It drives me nuts. You can pin this loss on the Celtics' inability defend the frikkin' perimeter or the f***** midget throwing up running floaters.
In the end, this game doesn't really matter because when any team shoots 70% from threes, they are going to beat the other team. If there has ever been a case where this wasn't true, I haven't heard it you can be damn sure I'm not wasting time to look it up because I know it's never happened. Bah...
IT'S WHAT YOU DO BEST, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE TONIGHT; LEON POWE PREPARES TO DROP GIGANTIC DUECE ON TORONTO'S WACKJOB TITLE HOPES
The Celtics will play the team with the most irritating fanbase in the NBA, the Toronto Raptors, this evening. The Raptors are coming off an impressive win against the terrible and depressing Philadelphia 76ers. Oh wait, check that, they lost to the Sixers. Whups!
For their part, the C's will have to put aside a myriad of distractions- Heath Ledger is dead, 'Lil Wayne just got arrested (and has a tattoo on his forehead, apparently), P Diddy is changing his name again (to Sean John), the writer's strike continues to screw over anyone even remotely connected with the entertainment industry, everyone even remotely connected with the financial world is getting hammered by forces no one understands, and worst of all, while we were all distracted,Sasquatch has developed the capability for interstellar travel.
However, this Celtics team is singularly focused on winning, with the exception of Paul Pierce. P2 is focused on winning when he's not yelling at the other team and generally being an ass. Regardless, this team will be ready to roll tonight. The key for the Celtics is shutting down the Raptors' prized offseason acquisition, Jason Kapono. Just kidding- Kapono looks a New Kid on the Block wannabe without the smooth moves of our boy Donnie Wahlberg, who no doubt will be courtside tonight, probably wearing his killer skater hat/wifebeater/blue blazer combo to intimidate those Canadian bitches.
Here's the key:
1) Put Perk on Bosh. Threat neutralized. 2) Guard the perimeter so these goons can't just chuck up threes like Kentucky during the Pitino days. 3) Administer beatdown.
The story of the game was Perkins, who had his once-a-year point explosion- busting out for 24 points and 8 rebounds. I don't know what got in to him. He has been content to score all of his points on loose balls, tip-ins, and uncontested dunks this year, but he decided today that he was going to abuse the Knicks naer-do-well tandem of Eddie Curry and Zach Randolph and take it right to the rack. I, for one, loved watching it, although both Curry and Randolph had nice games of their own. Randolph is ridiculously good- he had 24 and 15 with 4 steals- but that trademark Michigan State bad attitude will never let him be great.
Anyway, this was a comfortable win for the Celtics. The Knicks suck, what do you expect? Of course, Doc had KG and Ray Allen in the game running wild and crashing into people with a 15 point lead and 3:30 remaining in the game.... and had Ray Allen taking fouls with an 18-point lead and 1:47 remaining... and Ray again driving hard to the rack with 32 seconds remaining and the lead still at 18. DOC- PLAY THE SCRUBS, YOU IMBECILE. I know you think these guys need to pad their stats, but they don't. Ray "Glass Ankles" Allen doesn't need to play 43 minutes in a blowout midseason game against the worst team in the league. DAMMIT.
Remember, the Knicks are the team that finds it sporting to get into brawls when they feel disrespected. Thankfully, pretty much every team in the league has pooped in their cornflakes a couple times so the franchise has gotten used to being disrespected. They take a beating with a lot less, um... interest these days.
Overall, solid team win (nice to see Powe get some more burn) against the D-League representative franchise in the NBA. Ho hum.
***also worth mentioning, QRich and Paul Pierce were both ejected for yelling at each other. This is troubling because Paul has repeatedly shown he cannot handle being antagonized, even by chubby losers on the Knicks. Relax!!***
This story is from Thursday, but it still warrants serious discussion on this serious website. JamesOn Curry left Oklahoma State early last year, which was a curious decision and just got more curious. Curry, you'll remember, pled guilty to felony drug distribution in high school for selling weed to an undercover cop. His scholarship with North Carolina was ripped away, and he wound up at Oklahoma State. Since you don't even need to know how to read to be an athlete at Oklahoma State and they probably recruit at parole offices, it was a perfect fit. He had a nice career going, but he certainly wasn't a first-round pick when he bailed after his junior season. Luckily, he had spoken with the Bulls, who took him in the second round after being assured that the felony in his past was a one-time thing. Shocker, he couldn't get off the bench even for the splay-shooting, backwards Bulls and has spent a lot of time in Boise playing in the D-League. That, and getting hammered, urinating in public, and running from the cops.
Curry was arrested at 2:25 a.m. in Boise, Idaho, and charged with misdemeanor counts of urinating in public and resisting arrest, according to police reports. Curry was in Boise playing in a Development League tournament with the Iowa Energy, the Bulls' affiliate.
Now, these are pretty bogus charges and I would be surprised if they weren't dropped. Obviously, JamesOn was drunk, went to take a wizz, and was busted by the cops. It could happen to anyone, but it usually only happens to idiot athletes named Andy Katzenmoyer. The "resisting arrest" part is a little dubious, JamesOn just tried to run away from the cops. Who wouldn't!? You think JamesOn is going to stand there with his pants around his ankles and just wait to get arrested?
This certainly isn't a big deal, but it certainly is amusing. In the future, JamesOn, save your urine for a toilet, no exceptions... even if you're offered a chance to star in one of R. Kelly's home videos. Otherwise, CarryOn, JamesOn!
Nic and BP are back on track with the podcasts- and this edition is short and sweet. Here's the link. In this podcast, we talk about the Celtics' slump, where the hell Scalabrine is, and Glen Rice strangling the dancer banging his estranged wife. We also do a little Patriots-related discussion, debating whether we'd rather shoot Philip Rivers or LT (or both). Holla!
Alright, so I went to the Wizards-Celtics game the other night at the Verizon Center and I am just getting around to writing about it now. Not topical, you say? Well, considering the Celtics just lost 3 of 4, including 2 in a row to the lowly Wizards, my bitter diatribe will work just fine. Thankfully, the win against the Blazers makes things look a little better, but anyone who watched that game will know what I am talking about. I am going to break this down into a couple parts and try to bring you into my terrible, terrible experience.
1) The venue. The Verizon Center is in the heart of Chinatown, which in DC is basically one street. On that street, there are exactly zero good Chinese restaurants. Bizarre, I know.
I have no idea what the Verizon Center's reputation is like leaguewide, but that is a badass facility. It's a huge arena with parking underneath right off of the Metro, connected to a classy bar (Clydes), a couple restaurants, a huge movie theatre, and the snobbiest bowling alley ever invented that manages to make me feel badly about myself just by looking at it. Unlike most cities, (ahem, Philly) the arena is right in a nice part of the city you'd actually go even if there wasn't a Celtics game. Amazing, considering that when it was built 10 years ago, the area was bustling with crackheads and prostitutes, now it's bustling with metrosexuals, Bush twins, and idiots wearing Kevin Garnett jerseys. (More on that in a second...)
2) The seats. Remember when Mark Cuban said that all the seats in an NBA stadium were great, or whatever? I can't really remember the story. Moving on. Keep in mind that Mark Cuban also starred in the Benefactor, a show so bad that nobody has even bothered to chronicle all six episodes on Wikipedia. Point being, Mark Cuban is a billionaire but he's also completely full of sh!t, because we had seats with our asses to the wall and they were terrible. It was like watching somebody play a Game Boy from across the room. I was stoked because I thought I saw Rondo warming up (he's going to play!) and it turned out to be Perkins. The only player I could tell apart from the rest was- you guessed it- Brian Scalabrine. Oh, and former Celtic and Clomper Hall of Famer Darius Songalia. They, um, stick out. I would have gotten better tickets, but they were the only tickets available because of all the idiots wearing Kevin Garnett jerseys. Plus, I'm a moron because I waited until the last second... but I'd rather blame somebody else.
3) The Wizards fans. DC teams have an interesting fanbase. The reason is that while DC is truly a chocolate city, if you drive 30 miles out, you're practically in Deliverance territory. I always thought it was weird that some people in Connecticut would root for Boston teams, but that doesn't even come close to the range of people that go to Redskins games. I defy you to find a team with a more diametrically opposed fanbase in professional sports. However, everyone seems to get along great, proving the fact that popular sports teams are very, very good for cities. Anyway, I digress. Wizards fans love their team. (I am going to post one of my favorite Youtube clips here to prove that point.)
However, I was lucky enough to be sitting next to a shaved-head hick that wouldn't shut up about how one of the Wizards dancers worked out at his gym. Congratulations, douchebag!
4) The Celtics fans. This was disappointing, to say the least. When I went to the Celtics game in DC last year, I was one of a handful of people wearing Celtics crap. We were quiet and behaved ourselves. This year, we were subjected to legions of red-faced fatasses faking Boston accents wearing #5 jerseys getting into arguments with Wizards fans and drunkenly talking sh!t before the game started. Now, I am straight outta Worcester County, son, and I have rooted for Boston teams my whole life, but if you're a loud Boston Celtics fan today chances are very good that you're a douche.
Here is a good example of an actual conversation, as far as I can remember correctly:
WIZARDS: Hey, Nick Young is going to be dunkin' on you guys tonight! CELTICS: Whatever. You want a dunk, go to Gerald Green!
And on. It's been strange to watch a fanbase go from "we're so tortured" in 2004 to the "we're so good, everyone is against us, so we have the right to behave like dicks" in 2008. I mostly blame the Red Sox bandwagon fanbase right after the first World Series win, acting as if a World Series win was akin to pulling the entire New England region out of total despondency. Everyone worldwide found it annoying, so the diehards adopted the "circle the wagons" approach, which was immediately mimicked by all the less intelligent and quasi-devoted bandwagon jumpers who drove the diehards into the defensive position to start with. The bandwagon jumpers overcompensated for their lack of loyalty by becoming turbo-douches, and everything spun out of control. Celtics fans are doing the exact same thing- the only difference being that the Celtics haven't won a championship in two decades and the team is all hype up to this point. So, it's worse. Granted, the loudest fans are the ones you notice, but this development is troubling.
5) The game. If you want more bitching, read on!
The Celtics lost this one in DC, as you all probably remember. Rondo was out, so Tony Allen ran the point. Tony Allen is fascinating to watch, because he is as good at attacking the basket as pretty much anyone in the league. He goes to the hole like Scalabrine goes after the last donut hole. However, his dribbling is horrendous after four bounces. It gets exponentially worse after four bounces. If he can get the ball, give it one dribble, make a move, and then go to the basket, he's fine. If he has to dribble the ball up the floor, by the time he's setting up the play he's on the verge of being out of control.
The backup backup point guard (Eddie House) has a different set of problems. Every time he touches the ball, he is ready to shoot, and he's as good a streaky shooter as anyone. When he's jacking shots, he's a valuable source of quick points. I would compare him to a George Foreman grill. Simple, quick, and effective, but if you're relying on a George Foreman grill every night of the week, including when you have your parents over, you're struggling. When Eddie House has to run the offense, it's akin to cooking fillet mignon on a George Foreman grill. He's one-dimensional and the results are going to be terrible.
To make matters worse, Paul Pierce looks like he has aged 5 years in the past 5 weeks and his hands have been injected with Novocaine. He has no feel for the ball anymore. He had 6 turnovers in the game, and his near-turnovers-before-getting-bailed-out-by-fortunately-positioned-teammates was in the triple digits. Caron Butler was abusing him the entire game (and the game in Boston, I might add). Paul's first step has slowed dramatically and his jump shot develops slower. I am hoping that Paul is just exhausted, because Doc has been playing him crazy minutes in 15-point wins... but if that's the case, how can we expect Paul to be back on track after 40 more games AND the playoffs? Are you kidding me!?
As for KG, he has the complete opposite problem. When the Celtics began to fall apart completely in the fourth quarter, Doc Rivers had to physically restrain him from flipping out on the sideline. He was so amped up he couldn't even contain himself. It showed on the floor, because he was all over the place. He was SPAZZING, and this is a (pretty much) meaningless regular season game against an above-average opponent! What's going to happen in the playoffs, once the stakes are several times higher!? I wish the Kandi Man was around so we could slip some ganja into KG's Fruity Pebbles or something, because that man needs to chill the f*** out. He can't contain himself when the game gets intense. That leaves Ray Allen as the clutch scorer for the C's, so when he's off... the C's are in trouble. The problem is that the Big 3 on the Celtics all have the same approach down the stretch when the other team has the momentum- they try to make a crazy shot to quiet the crowd. They start shooting tightly contested shots with 10-15 seconds left on the shot clock. It doesn't work. As they are presently constituted, the Celtics are not capable of winning a title.
Here's how I see the Celtics becoming a real contender.
-Rebound better as a team. The Celtics were destroyed on the boards in the Wizards game, and the Wizards basically don't have a power forward on the roster. This can be accomplished by boxing out, which the Celtics inexplicably didn't do at all in this game.
-Develop a spastic second line. This worked great when the Celtics were briefly good in the early '00's. I am thinking this- PG Rondo, SG Tony Allen, SF Posey, PF Big Baby C Powe. (Although Powe is leading the league in turnovers for 48 minutes... maybe Pollard instead) The starters are getting WAY too many minutes, and they also look lazy.
-The Celtics need a veteran backup point guard, or they need to give Gabe some big kid minutes. Why!? THEY DON'T HAVE A BACKUP POINT GUARD ON THE TEAM AND EVERYTHING FALLS APART WHEN RONDO ISN'T IN. This is akin to driving a Ferrari without car insurance. Or worse, being one of the idiots that chooses to go without health insurance when it's otherwise available. If your employer offers you health insurance, IT'S PART OF YOUR COMPENSATION! Not taking it is basically like agreeing to a $3,000 pay cut for no reason, plus if you have to go to the hospital for something serious you will be bankrupted. Pretty smart. Just like choosing to make a title run without a backup point guard.
-Develop a specific endgame strategy. They needed to do this about, oh, during training camp. By this, I mean, make a concerted effort to MOVE the ball around and take high percentage shots. No more dribbling in place for 15 seconds to start a possession. Fallaway jumpers and turnaround hook shots over a double team from 10 feet away is no way to protect a lead.
-Get Paul Pierce 10 hours of sleep a night. Minimum. This is selfish, because I am losing sleep over him looking tired. But it's also in the best interest for the Celtics, because I know he's better than the way he's playing right now.
-Give the hot hand the ball. Eddie House was all the Celtics had going for a stretch, and he was carrying the team. Surprise! Doc took him out. Why, so you could give Ray Allen more chances to brick highly contested and terribly chosen jump shots from 26 feet? The answer: Yes.
All in all, the Celtics have a very, very good team. In fact, they still might be the best team in the league. However, changes need to be made. The good thing is that these changes are possible. These aren't "Gerald Green realizes his potential" changes or even "Doc Rivers learns how to coach" changes. These can be handled by assistant coaches and the players themselves. Hopefully, they will be carried out before April, when the C's come back to DC and I can watch the C's give the Wizards a vengeful beatdown to get them primed for the playoffs. We can only hope.
The Celtics ended their two game skid tonight as they boofed the 'red hot' Portland Trail Blazers, 100-90 at the Rose Garden. There was a lot of talk about "slump" coming into the game, but the Celtics brushed that off as they played confidently and made the proper adjustments to their recent struggles.
There has been recent murmuring that Ray Allen continues to look lost and one dimensional in this Celtics offense. Everyone knows Ray is a big-time player, but there has always been questions if he could mesh with another superstar-wing-man like Pierce. This was also addressed as Ray dropped 35 and Doc made a concentrated effort to give him minutes to run the offense.
Finally, there were questions of whether Rondo would play. He did not, as the team wants him to heal properly. Tonight however Doc compensated by giving Gabe Pruitt his first real minutes of his career. Gabe responded nicely and drained his first jumper confidently off the bench. While his shot struggled the rest of the night, it was nice to see he is capable of bumping nasties with the big boys when called apon.
Overall this game was a very positive sign for the Celtics and should propel them into another spurt of domination before the all-star break.
MVP: All praise Jesus.
LVP: Raef Le Frenz. The only thing he did in this game was make 'I miss you kissy-faces' to Scal down the sideline. The reunion ended abruptly in the second half when a jealous Raef noticed Scal and his new best friend Leon Powe, holding hands on the bench.
IMMEDIATELY SHATTERS NBA RECORD FOR "MOST PISSED-OFF MUGSHOT"
It seems like just yesterday that Glen Rice was posing with his wife in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. I hadn't heard much of them until today, when I heard the news that Mr. Rice found some random huddled in his estranged wife's closet. After finding this guy, he did what any red-blooded male would do- he gave the guy a beatdown!
Rice is accused of assaulting a man he found in his wife's closet. He turned himself in to authorities Friday afternoon.
According to police, the 6-foot-8-inch former basketball star went to the Coral Gables home he once shared with his estranged wife and four kids and used a key to enter the front door. Once inside, he confronted his wife, Christina, and demanded to know the identity of the man who he found crouching in the master closet.
"Mr. Rice then grabbed the victim by his throat and physically removed him from the bedroom," Miami-Dade police spokesman Roy Rutland told Local 10's Charles Perez.
Glen Rice has a pretty clean record, and this is one case of NBA crime where the player charged didn't do anything that bad. Sure, he assaulted the guy, but this was a dude that was probably waxing his wife, however estranged she was! And was hiding in a closet in a house that Rice undoubtedly paid for! I'm not suggesting it was justified... I am GUARANTEEING it was justified!
Rice was charged with felony battery, which will thankfully be talked down by his team of all-star attorneys considering he made $60 million during his playing days. Godspeed, Glen!
CELTICS CONTINUE STEADFAST DEDICATION TO FOURTH-QUARTER INCOMPETENCE; DOC RIVERS CALLS "ISOLATION AT THE TOP OF THE KEY" 15 STRAIGHT TIMES AS CELTICS BLOW DOUBLE-DIGIT LEAD IN THE MATTER OF MINUTES; WALTER MCCARTY WEARING OVEN MITTS DRIBBLES BETTER THAN PAUL PIERCE
The Celtics were embarrassed on and off the court by the Wizards on Saturday night. On the court the Celtics suffered their first 4th quarter let down of the season. This was their 2nd loss in three games. This would have been fine last season when they never played 3 games without 2 losses, but coming into this game with only 3 losses on the season, this meant a lot.
Off the court, they were embarrassed when the Jolly Green Giant, who obviously is a raging Celtics fan with Shamrock pubes, had his genitals carted off by a frolicking pro-Wizards woodland creature. This Jolly Green propoganda was found on wiznutzz this weekend along with a solid game recap from bulletsforever, talking about the superb play of the "locksmith' Deshawn Stevenson and how the Wiz simply out hustled the Celts, specifically on the boards.
Some people might be flipping out over this (BP has probably smashed his Desperate Housewives collectable mugs by now), but that would be more rash than the time I went camping and wiped with leaves. First off, this team has played their butts off all season. Its only natural that they will suffer a little fatigued this time of year. Especially, after playing back to back to back games. Also, they were missing key starters in both losses and still they were in each loss to the very end and played hard down the stretch. These are the type of losses that will make them stronger and more determined, not the kind that will discourage them. Another reason to be optimistic is that the Celtics beat the crap out of a very hot (in a streaking sense) and healthy Nets team on Friday in the meadow-lands. Some haters will point out that the Celtics lost to the Wizards and Bobcats, two non-contenders. That is true, but at least were not the Pistons right now, who just got blown out by the KNICKS this weekend. The teams we lost to were at least talented and respectable and the games were close. Panicking is simply not necessary. Tonight the Celtics are fortunate enough to have a rematch against the Wizards. After the Celtics take care of business, all will be forgotten, they can move on from the loss, and hopefully the Jolly Green Giant will have his penis returned to him in good shape. Rondo is still questionable for tonight's game. but by now we know Tony Allen can provide more than enough 'spaz' to fill his void. Yes the Wizards are good, but the bottom line is that they were fortunate to come away with the win on Saturday and tonight it will be Washington who loses their genitals.
BOBCATS PLAY ZOMBIE IKE TURNER TO BOSTON'S TINA; IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING THE NBA, THE BOBCATS ARE HORRENDOUS; I*HEART*CELTICS IMMEDIATELY PANICS AND CALLS FOR COMPLETE ROSTER OVERHAUL
Not really, not really.... this game just goes to show what happens when the Celtics don't have the spot shooting/dribble driving of Ray Allen and the tubby explosiveness of Big Baby. Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo were the only players to show up for the Celtics, whereas Paul Pierce and Eddie House were doing their best Larry Hughes impression- spraying shots all over the place like they were auditioning for the friggin' A Team. When your shooting guards go 8-29 from the floor, you're going to lose, even if you're playing a team that sounds like they should be in the WNBA and looks like they play in the third division Puerto Rican league.
Here are the facts:
1) Ray Allen is necessary if the Celtics are going to win. 2) Paul Pierce can be a spazz. 3) If Ray's out and Paul is playing poorly... the Celtics look like the Timberwolves back when KG was there with Rondo playing the Troy Hudson role. Not good! 4) If you're relying on Eddie House to score, you're going to lose a lot of games to crappy teams. If you have no expectations for him, you're going to beat a lot of very good teams. 5) This loss is embarrassing. 6) Pretty sure the Celtics beat the Bulls during their 72-game season (nevermind, they didn't, I was thinking when they beat the soon-to-be champion Bulls in 1997), so no need to panic panic panic PANIC!!!!!!!
It seems like just yesterday that JR was delivering the "East Bay Funk Dunk", but it wasn't. It was almost 14 years ago, and psycho Isaiah Rider has pretty much been on the lam since then. His criminal history is nothing short of prolific- he has kicked women at sports bars, been arrested for assaulting a Jack-in-the-Box employee with a milkshake, been busted for pot possession, used a stolen cell phone, gambled in public, and spat on a fan. There are probably more, but my journalistic motto with JR Rider stories is that I only comment on the first ten I see.
JR has had a crime-riddled life, but last year was probably the worst incident. He allegedly kidnapped a woman, evaded the cops by smashing into another car, and was charged with felony cocaine possession. In this great country, however, that apparently isn't enough to put a dude in jail, because it looks like 'ol JR is spending his free time stiffing taxi drivers while rolling around town with outstanding warrants for his arrest.
Berkely, Calif. — Former Atlanta Hawk Isaiah Rider was in custody Sunday on outstanding arrest warrants after Berkeley police responded to a report of a disturbance between a taxi driver and a passenger.
Officers arrived on the scene to find the passenger was Rider. They arrested him on a no-bail warrant issued by Oakland police for unlawful firearm possession and another warrant for grand theft.
I mean... there are only two real options here for JR... go to jail, or take $12 million a year to play for the Knicks.
Chauncey Billups said that he didn't like the way the Celtics were celebrating after their crushing victory over the vastly overrated second-best team in the Eastern Conference from the worst hellhole in America.
Chauncey Billups did a little mocking of his own afterward in the Pistons' locker room, opining that the Celtics had celebrated like they had won the Super Bowl. There had been no such shenanigans from the Pistons three weeks ago in Boston when they knocked off the Celtics in the first "measuring stick" game of the season between these teams. And it will be a surprise if the Pistons do not use Saturday night's celebration as motivation when the teams meet for the third and final time of the regular season, March 5 in Boston.
That's right, Chauncey, I forgot... the Pistons usually celebrate by picking fights with Ron Artest and prompting the most embarrassing battle royale in league history.
Seriously, though... complaining about how the other team celebrates when you lose is THE lamest move in professional sports. Plus, I think whenever you do it you have to pay Ladanian Tomlinson royalties because he copyrighted it. It's akin to complaining about someone getting "lucky" on a shot or being "insensitive" when they dunk the f****** s*** out of the ball right on your dome.
Man up, Chauncey. You're known as a clutch player, mostly to yourself, but you botched the game terribly this time (airballs, missed free throws, wassup with that!?) and got lucky last time anyway. (If you were keeping score at home, I just broke my personal record for ignoring my own advice- two sentences! Unprecedented.)
It's nice to see the Celtics whooping it up in Auburn Hills. Although I was worried that some fatass wearing a Rasheed Wallace jersey was going to waddle onto the court to get punched in the face by Leon Powe, it didn't ruin the enjoyment of being a Celtics fan when they were winning huge games against division leaders. So, hopefully, the Celtics can make this a recurring theme.
Go C's, and keep on crying, Chauncey! At least you know that dozens of criminals in the Detroit area are naming their daughters after you, baldie.
A player best known to Celtics fans as being Tony Allen's high school teammate and a perennial summer leaguer with the squad- Will Bynum- has been showcasing his skills for Maccabi Tel Aviv lately. He went out to celebrate his birthday the other night and it quickly became disastrous. Allegedly, Bynum ran over a dude with his car, blood was everywhere, and it's a mess. Thanks to Deadspin and Hoopshype for the heads-up.
Maccabi Tel Aviv center Will Bynum was arrested yesterday morning on suspicion of running over a young man outside a south Tel Aviv nightclub and of fleeing the scene of the accident. The alleged victim, a 22-year-old man from Dimona, was in a serious but stable condition last night at Tel Aviv's Ichilov Hospital.
Bynum's remand was extended last night until today by the Tel Aviv Magistrate's Court.Bynum told police that he did was unaware that he had hit anyone with his car. Police say that the player is cooperating with their inquiry, but that his version of events is substantially different from testimony provided by eyewitnesses.
Sometimes these things sound like a bigger deal than they are. For example, Deron Williams got in a scuffle in Park City during his rookie year that got a ton of coverage (mostly because Williams said his name was Torrey Ellis). When the story came out fully, it turned out that it was just a bunch of Nuggets fans being douchebags picking a fight with them. So, sometimes these "incidents" are overblown in the initial report. However...
Police believe that Bynum arrived at the G-Spot nightclub just before midnight on Friday to celebrate his 25th birthday. He was accompanied by his brother and was joined by a few friends, including his Maccabi Tel Aviv teammate and former Philadelphia 76ers star Vonteego Cummings. Police say there were also players from other teams at the nightclub, which is popular with professional athletes.
"During the course of the night," the officer in charge of the investigation, Rafi Regev, said, "some sort of spat developed between Bynum and another group at the nightclub - members of the Hebrew Israelite Community in Dimona.
Let's get the obvious things out of the way. First, the club is called the G-Spot. Second, Bynum is referred to as a "center", although he's tiny. Third, some guy named Vonteego Cummings was a star on the 76ers at some point. I am going to chalk all of those up to cultural/translation issues, but they're still funny to me. Anyway...
It starts out looking like this is a classic case of an athlete getting harassed by a bunch of Israelites at a nightclub. He goes after a chick, the Israelites get pissed...
Bynum rejected the youths' claim that the argument began when he made advances toward a woman from the Dimona group. Bynum said he was provoked into a scuffle when one of the group pushed him over. The scuffle quickly died down and the club's security staff were not called in.
Here's where the story turns Middle-East-meets-Stephen-Jackson...
When Bynum, his brother and Cummings left the club at around 5:30, however, he was greeted outside by five youths from Dimona, and within minutes fists and stones were flying. According to eyewitnesses, Bynum and his brother ran to his car, which was parked nearby, got in and drove toward the group. After hitting one member of the group, Bynum sped off.
Uh oh... hitting someone with your car is ALWAYS a disaster. Never a good move.
Police say that when they arrived at Bynum's apartment some two hours later he did not appear surprised to see them, but protested his innocence when told of the accusations against him. An inspection of Bynum's car found obvious indications of an accident, including bloodstains. Cummings and Bynum's brother were detained, but released after submitting depositions.
Eyewitness accounts and forensic evidence would seem to dispel any doubt that the 22-year-old was run over. Police will now have to determine whether Bynum was aware that he had hit someone, or whether - in the heat of the moment - he was genuinely unaware that someone had been hurt.
Looks bad for Bynum. However, he lawyered up well (or, um, "chairmaned up"?) because his explanation does sound reasonably credible!
Maccabi Tel Aviv chairman Shimon Mizrahi, who represented Bynum in court (while David Federman provided the player with simultaneous translation of the hearing), told the court, "When Will Bynum left the nightclub, there were 20 people waiting for him outside, one of them carrying a knife."
That does sound scary. Here is the I*Heart*Celtics solution to avoiding this problem:
1) Don't GO to Tel Aviv, let alone live there. 2) If you are in a club where people with Zionist-extremist-sounding names hang out, go somewhere else. 3) Don't hit on chicks that hang out with said groups. 4) Limit the size of your entourage. 5) Leave the club before 5:30 in the morning. 6) Learn to speak a little bit of the language! 7) Travel via helicopter.
Here's hoping that Will turns out ok so he can break Khalid El-Amin's record for Celtics summer league appearances. (I guess #8 on that list should be "Don't be name Khalid El-Amin") Godspeed, Will!
CELTICS RE-SIGN THE CHIEF TO 10-DAY CONTRACT AS "REMATCH" SPECIALIST
CELTICS TAKE ON THE PISTONS TONIGHT; CELTICS WIN EVEN IF THEY LOSE JUST BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN DETROIT
The Celtics will play the red-hot but annoying as hell Detroit Pistons tonight. If they win, the C's will be considered one of two contenders in the East. If they lost, the Pistons will be the overwhelming favorite and the Celtics will be second fiddle. Here's what the Celtics need to do:
1) Once, just once, pull Rip's facemask back and snap it. 2) Rebound well to minimize second-chance opportunities. 3) Feed the hot hand on offense. This seems like common sense, but this has been a problem all season for the C's. 4) Do something to piss off Rasheed Wallace and then duck when he throws his jersey.
5) Make Billups work all game. The C's should be throwing picks on him all night long, Rondo's got to get to the rim on O and then get right under him on D. As good as Billups is, he can be worn out because his head weighs 195 pounds. He looks like one of those NBA Jam bobblehead men, except he is susceptible to gravity and physics. It's exhausting to drag that melon around. 6) EXECUTE DOWN THE STRETCH. This is the WEAK POINT that can be exploited by opponents. It's a fact. The C's need to right this ship immediately or they will be the most-hyped first round flop since, um, last year's Mavs.
Nevertheless, the Celtics will win tonight. 95-86. Pistons run out of magic, and the Celtics finally put it together down the stretch. Book it!
JESUS IS OFF HEALING THE BLIND OR SOMETHING, NO MATTER, 'CUZ TA GOES BANANAS!!! CELTICS HOLD ON FOR CLOSE WIN AGAINST TERRIBLE GRIZZLIES- HAVE THE CELTICS LOST TO A WEST COAST TEAM THIS SEASON!? ANSWER = NO, BITCHES
TEAM BLOWS 20-POINT LEAD TO T-MAC-LESS GOON SQUAD; BONZI WELLS PLAYS LIKE IT'S 2001; CELTICS PLAY LIKE IT'S 2006
Yes, the Celtics won tonight, but since they don't lose anymore and I enjoy bitching about losses more than I enjoy heaping praise on them day after day. So, I am going to act as though this was a loss. The Celtics had a huge lead at home against an underperforming, overrated team without their best player. After an outstanding first quarter, the Celtics were basically leaking oil the rest of the way and held on for a narrow victory. Doc had the great strategy of subbing out the player that was playing best on the floor for the C's going perfectly until the fourth quarter when it all broke down for him... shameful.
However, the silver lining was this- it was nice to see the Celtics challenged down the stretch to see if they were capable of pulling it out. Turns out- they are. As the game wore on- they realized one important mismatch was available. Kevin Garnett is a great midrange shooter and the man guarding him has about as much speed as Barbaro after snapping his leg in half- Yao Ming. So, they gave KG the ball and he drained roughly 10 jumpers in a row to win the game for the C's.
Speaking of Yao Ming, everyone talks about how much he has improved, but to me, he will always look like that awkward kid that's half a foot taller than all of his classmates in the sixth grade yet still sucks at basketball because he's so awkward. Yao tramples people at random times, lumbers around like a friggin' Ent, and can't guard ANYBODY. I know he's averaging 20 and 10, but he's 7'6". If you can't get 10 rebounds when you're a half a foot taller than anyone else on the court, you're either retarded or you're Dwayne Schintzius.
On to the superlatives:
MVP: KG- he won the game.
LVP: Leon Powe. He played. I believe it was the end of the third quarter, but correct me if I am wrong. Anyway, Doc put him in for about 10 seconds, if that. Ouch. That doesn't really help your per-game averages incentives in your contract, does it now Leon?
Best surprise: Scott Pollard made quick work today, scoring 10 points in 14 minutes and delivering 6 backbreaking fouls in the process. Scott Pollard- steadily building the reputation for caucasians being clumsy, unathletic, wild, hack-happy yet annoyingly effective basketball players.
Most annoying play of the game: Tony Allen dribbling wildly into three defenders to get stripped and give Bonzi Wells the chance to dunk the hell out of the ball on the other end. Or maybe it was when Rondo somehow lost control of the ball while dribbling it uncontested across halfcourt.
Favorite play of the game: Down the stretch, Rondo's fake behind the back while driving the lane before draining the layup was sweet. The Rockets left the paint as fast as Scottie Pippen leaves a restaurant when it's time to leave a tip.
Most disturbing stat: The Celtics were getting hammered on the glass by the likes of Luis Scola. Disturbing.
Most likely to be deported if I were running things: #54 D. Collins, #71 R. Mott, #22 B. Spooner. The refs. Awful. Yao had to pick up a 2x4 and bludgeon KG over the head for 10 minutes to get a foul called on him, while a Rocket merely falling on his face in the general vicinity of James Posey was a free trip to the line.
Most depressing stat: Perk fouled out with 8 minutes left. While the refs did suck donkey dick, Perk has made it his personal mission to do this every game. We love the man, but that's Pollard's job (which he accomplished, kudos).
Most idiotic coaching decision: The Celtics are losing steam in the second half and their lead is getting chipped away at? Pierce is the only man on the team making shots? Better sit him down, Doc!
Lamar Odom has been suspended. Already one of the worst and most overpaid losers in the NBA, Odom's cheap shot (seen below) cost him a game without pay.
As if that play didn't solidify Odom's position as a d-bag for the ages, he also did this:
and this:
and when he's not "on the court breakin' ankles", apparently he wears sunglasses inside and (gulp) runs his own recording studio:
