THAT'S MORE LIKE IT
CELTICS SMOTHER HAWKS LIKE SCALABRINE SMOTHERS HIS TWINKIES WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE

Bob Ryan Impels You To Calm Down, Have A Beer

Bob Ryan put together a well-researched, much-needed, valium tablet of an article today asking the Celtics faithful to ignore some of the press and the fatalistic thinking and calm down. The article is worth reading in full, but Ryan makes some nice points. This is when having a guy that has covered the Celtics for decades really comes in handy:

What is going on in this Atlanta series is nothing new. We have seen it all before. Everyone really does start off 0-0 in the playoffs. The regular season does not matter.

The home team wins Games 1 and 2 at home, often in rousing fashion. The home crowd starts thinking sweep. You get to the other guys' place for Game 3 and it's all different. The crowd is maniacal. The other guys are all pumped up. You simply don't take them seriously enough in Game 3. You claim you've learned your lesson, but Game 4 comes and what you're really thinking is "They can't play that well again, can they?" But they do, and now you're coming back home 2-2 and the series officially begins.

I repeat: The regular season records no longer matter at that point. Want some examples?

1972 -- 56-26 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 36-46 Hawks.
1973 -- 68-14 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 46-36 Hawks.
1974 -- 56-26 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 42-40 (Buffalo) Braves
1976 -- 54-28 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 46-36 Braves
1976 -- 54-28 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 49-33 Cavs
1976 -- 54-28 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 42-40 Suns
1981 -- 62-20 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 40-42 Rockets
1984 -- 62-20 Celtics tied at 2-2 with the 47-35 Knicks

OK? It happens.

In all the above cases the Celtics won Game 5 at the Boston Garden and went on to win the series, and all but the 1984 Knicks series ended in 6.

Game 5s when it's 2-2 are fun. They are mini-7s, which is why their absence in the Finals for the last 23 years is so sad. Yeah, there are Game 5s, but they should be in the court of the team with the home court advantage. The finals are far less suspenseful as a result.

I feel good about tonight. I think the hometown crowd is exactly what this team needs.

TEAM IN THE CRAPPER

I*HEART*CELTICS SOLUTIONS FOR A TEAM THAT, A COUPLE YEARS AGO, WOULD BE ONE GAME AWAY FROM LOSING IN THE FIRST ROUND TO THE EIGHTH SEED

Ironic how one of David Stern's worst rulings, moving the first round of the playoffs to seven games, may be the ruling that saves the Celtics. Who ever thought the Celtics would be a one seed reeling from two straight losses to the worst playoff team ever? Not I. The ruling is still asinine, but I guess a friend of your enemy can be your friend for a playoff series.

So here's how the Celtics can be fixed immediately.

1) Fire Doc Rivers. This should happen immediately. Tom Thibeudiauerhaeu is a much better alternative. People have been making the argument that Doc has been a good coach this year. This is a classic case of lowered expectations. For example, when you have a spastic, out of control new puppy, you get all excited when that puppy doesn't chew up your slippers and you are willing to overlook the fact that it took a dump on the carpet, tore your trash apart, and bit the neighbor's kid in the face. That is, until the dog is bigger, it's untrainable, and is a friggin' menace to society and needs to be put down. That's where Doc is- he's a menace. No amount of brain type research will EVER convince me that a lineup of Sam Cassell, Eddie House, Posey, Powe, and GBBD makes any sense. He's got to go.

2) Banish Sam Cassell to outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. He has played 23 minutes in the last two games and has gone 1-7 from the field. I have theorized that he has been a double agent, but the smart money is on him just going rogue. Give Tony Allen his minutes. Why, you may ask?

3) Put Tony Allen on Joe Johnson. Ray Allen is being taken apart because Johnson is bigger, quicker, and savvier offensively than Allen is defensively. Now, the other Allen, TA, can get in Johnson's face and shut him down. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TA ON THE TEAM. This also goes back to Doc being stupid, so perhaps if he was fired this wouldn't be such an issue.

4) Run an offense in the fourth quarter. Just try it once and see if it is successful. If it is, continue to run an offense. If it isn't, go back to standing around picking your butts.

5) Get Paul Pierce to a shrink, STAT. He's getting embarrassed by trash talking from THE worst playoff team ever. Pierce needs to punch a pillow or talk about his daddy issues, or something. He looks like he's at his first day at a new school. What the hell.

6) More Rondo. Rondo's playing great. In fact, I would argue he's the best player on the Celtics right now. He's averaging 12 points, 8 assists, 1 turnover on 50% shooting AND HE'S AVERAGING 31 MINUTES PER GAME. This shouldn't be so difficult. He's 23 or whatever, he can go 40 minutes in the playoffs. Double bonus, it would keep Sam Cassell on the bench. DAMMIT I should be coaching this team. Of course, then I would have to walk away from the millions of dollars I am making off this website. I'll have to think that through.

So there you go. That's how you fix the Celtics for this series, and as an added bonus you get to watch the improved, Doc and Sam-less C's channel the spirit of Ike Turner and beat the hell out of a young talented starlet- Lebron- in the next round.

DOC DANCES AS THE BUZZARDS CIRCLE

CELTICS LOSE SECOND IN A ROW TO THE WORST PLAYOFF TEAM EVER; BLOW ENORMOUS LEAD WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE; I*HEART*CELTICS ENCOURAGES FANS TO IMMEDIATELY LOWER THEIR EXPECTATIONS BECAUSE THIS TEAM PEAKED IN THE FIRST WEEK OF THE FRIGGIN' SEASON

NBA CEMENTS STANDING AS THE STUPIDEST LEAGUE IN WORLD HISTORY; FINES PIERCE FOR "MENACING GESTURE"

This league always manages to surprise me with its stupidity. As if jilting one of the best fanbases in the league by encouraging (yes, ENCOURAGING) a sociopathic billionaire to rip a storied franchise and move it to some random cow town wasn't enough, we have now moved into the "overreact about everything" phase of the NBA's yearly plot to destroy the game of basketball. In an unprecedented move, the league fined The Truth $25,000 today for a "menacing gesture."

Listen morons, I don't know what that hand signal meant any better than you do, but if Brian Scalabrine rocking the blazer-and-jeans look can diffuse the situation, it's NOT THAT F***** MENACING. Plus, if Pierce is fined for a hand gesture, Al Horford should be fined into debtors prison for behaving like a clown the entire game, that annoying-ass female announcer should be fined $2,000,000,000 for all but offering to receive a Cleveland Steamer from Al Horford at midcourt.

I know, Paul Pierce puts 10 of these fines on one hand of blackjack. It's not that big of a deal- or is it!? Did you forget that half of the Phoenix Suns were suspended for this.



Prepare for more of these absolutely ridiculous fines and suspensions. This is now a David Stern calling card, along with being a sanctimonious gremlin.

WHAT THE F WAS THAT!?

CELTICS SPEND EVENING GETTING DUNKED ON BY JOSH SMITH; I THINK SAM CASSELL WENT DOUBLE AGENT; CELTICS GET OUTSHOT, OUTASSISTED, OUTHUSTLED, OUTREBOUNDED, AND OUT-EVERYTHING ELSE'D BY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN THE WORST PLAYOFF TEAM IN NBA HISTORY (THEY WENT 35-47, PEOPLE!!!)

I'M DISTRAUGHT.

Rondo's Better

Just to state the obvious, Rondo is (infinitely) better than Mike Bibby. In this shot you can clearly see that Bibby has resorted to curling up on the floor in the fetal position and crying whenever Rondo comes near him. Cry me a river bat boy.

Celtics Demolish Hawks in Game 2; I<3Celtics Finds Statistical Evidence That Mike Bibby Sucks.

A shout out to Sac Town Royalty for putting together this comprehensive analysis of the demise of Mike Bibby. One thing these graphs don't show is how much of a bitch he is. 5 years ago the guy was the premiere point guard in the NBA, now he is trading pot-shots with fans and Kendrick Perkins. Oh yeah, he also plays for the Hawks.

After enraging Boston fans, Bibby again shot himself in the foot before last nights game calling out Perk, asking the media what Perk had ever done in his career? Someone should tell Mike that Perk is only 23 and that he is about to add "beat the sh*t out of Mike Bibby in Playoff game" to his list of accomplishments. After game 2 was said and done, Perk dominated and Bibby sucked. Perk dropped 8 and 9 and enforced the paint. Bibby went 2-7 from the field and looked noticeably uncomfortable the whole game. That might have something to do with the fact that every-time he touched the ball he received an onslaught of boos from perturbed Boston fans. Bibby was clearly rattled. Serves the little freak right. The irony of his remarks about Boston fans is that despite the blatant inaccuracy of the claim, Bibby plays in Atlanta of all places. A city where they literally don't even have a fanbase, let a lone a fair whether one. I will also add that he's extremely ugly and I hate him.

A couple of thoughts from last night:


-This series is a joke. The Hawks are terrible. They were several games below .500 and sucked before and after they got Bibby. This is an insult for the Celtics to be on the same court as them. Just because a team makes the playoffs does not mean they are good.

-Speaking of jokes, how about Joe Johnson. Once a taboo word for Celtics fans, a name that gave you the chills as you were immediately reminded of the Rick Pitino error. Well now Joe's the pathetic one. After passing up a chance to win with Steve Nash and Amare for more money, Joe finds himself in Atlanta and regardless of how much young talent or washed up veterans they acquire they will never win. Serves you right you selfish bastard.

-Speaking of Mike Bibby again I officially deem him the most washed up player since Shariff-Abdul-Rahim.

-Tom Heinsohns line of the night came after the game when he declared that the Hawks would need "a game plan from outer space" to beat the Celtics. Well said.

-When told about Bibby's harsh words, Perk responded " Whatever, Im not going to lose any sleep over it."

BATBOY LASHES OUT AT FANS

Monster Mike Bibby was a little testy after being demolished by the Celtics on Sunday. It was a frustrating night for Bibby as he went 2-10 for the field, but as a true NBA veteran, Bibby took the high-road and focused his attention for game 2 not on his game, but on his detest for Boston fans. Bibby had this to say:


"They were kind of loud at the beginning, but a lot of these fans are bandwagon jumpers trying to get on this now."

"I played here last year too, and I didn't see three-fourths of them, They're for the team now and they might get a little rowdy, but that's about it."

It's good they know I'm here. It was a little confrontation to get them invovled a little bit. But they are fair-weather fans if you asked me."


Bibby also brought up how Celtics fans wore bags on their head last year in shame. Well, at least we don't have to wear bags on our head when we go to the Supermarket, Mike. There's nothing wrong with casual jaunting with Hecklers. (Just ask Antoine) But when your team sucks, your supposed to be the leader , and you look like a bat, it comes off as incredibly petty to direct your frustration towards Boston fans. Luckily Perk came to our defense:

"If you had a 2-10 night shooting youl say something like that, too. Your bound to say anything. We have the best fans in the world. We don't expect players from other teams to like our fans."

Thanks Perk. After his comments, Bibby should be in for the Heckling of his life. Get over it ya ugly bastard.

KG NAMED DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR

"COBRA DEFENSE" RUMORED TO HAVE PUSHED KG OVER THE EDGE; MASTER BRUCE KICKS 50 PUPPIES AND STRANGLES A KITTEN IN FRUSTRATION

But was it ever even a question?

Photo of the Night: Rondo pegs the ball at Bat Boy's Bat Face

You have to see this picture in full size to really enjoy it. Mike Bibby reacts as if he was a vampire and the ball was made of garlic.

CELTICS QUICKLY MOVE HAWKS INTO "ENDANGERED SPECIES" TERRITORY

CELTICS MERCILESSLY BEAT THE EVER-LOVING SH*T OUT OF A GAGGLE OF HAWKS FOR 48 MINUTES STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF A CRAZED AUDIENCE OF THOUSANDS AND PRIME TIME TELEVISION AUDIENCE OF MILLIONS; PETA'S PRESIDENT'S HEAD EXPLODES; WESLEYAN'S CAMPUS JUMPS INTO ACTION- BOSTON PUT ON RED ALERT FOR STRIKE FROM ANIMAL RIGHTS TERRORISTS;

BREAKING DOWN ROUND ONE - THE ATLANTA CHAIR FORCE

The Celtics have the Atlanta Hawks in the first round. While I would be more nervous if the Celtics were playing the Tennessee Volunteers woman's team, considering the Celtics swept the Hawks 3-0 this year and won every game by 10 points or more, I am contractually obligated to break this series down.

1) We are playing the Hawks.
First of all, sarcasm aside, I am impressed that the Hawks made the playoffs because when the C's played them in the fourth game of the season, the Hawks looked like one of the worst teams in the history of basketball. I couldn't believe how bad they looked. Now, I know that the Eastern Conference supposedly sucks (it doesn't), but the Hawks held it together while other more talented teams completely imploded (Bulls, Pacers) and/or gave up and traded away their best players (Nets, Heat).

That being said, the Hawks are not very good, at all, and the Celtics should win this in four games. It would be the best way to do business because the Wizards and Cavs are going to beat the hell out of each other and the Celtics looooove to take time off mid-season. Anyone who says, "Don't look past the first round" is an idiot. Should the Celtics pull out all the stops and grind this series out in 7 games? Is that a better alternative!?

The Celtics should look to Round 2 and close this one out ASAP.

2) Point guard play.
The Hawks made a big move to get Mike Bibby, a vampire whose best years I can't even remember they were so long ago. This appears to have helped the Hawks against the Celtics, because they only lost their two games with Bibby by 10 points whereas without him they lost by 23. The Eddie House/Bibby matchup should be sort of awkward considering House is sleeping with Bibby's sister, literally, so look for Rondo to get long minutes. This should be an advantage for the C's.

3) Post play.
Al Horford gets destroyed by KG and Perk. His +/- in the three games were -17, -9, -13. He's good, but don't believe the hype. Look for the Celtics to run the offense through the post and get Horford in foul trouble, because his backup is Zaza freaking Pachulia. I'm telling you, the more I read about the Hawks the better I feel.

4) Bench. The Hawks' sixth man is Josh Childress, and then you've got Zaza, then it's straight to Salim Stoudemire. Umm...... I think this is an advantage for the Celtics. Good gravy.

5) Announcers.
I listened to a Hawks radio broadcast two years ago, and Dennis Scott was saying that Gerald Green sucked while he was torching the Hawks. It pissed me off then and it continues to piss me off today because Gerald Green is no longer in the league and it's because of idiots like Scott tat think 6-8 dudes that shoot almost 40% from distance and have 48" verticals are a dime a dozen, while asses like Casey Jacobson can shoot 23% from three and do NOTHING ELSE can have a long and illustrious benchwarming career. They just anger me.

6) The Joe Johnson situation.
This is probably the biggest screw-up in recent Celtic history. History has not been kind to the Celtics' choosing to develop Kedrick Brown instead of Johnson. I still like Johnson a lot and wish the Celtics had held on to him, BUT! I will never understand why Johnson isn't the poster child for me-first money grabbing greediness in the NBA. Everyone (including me) trashed Demon Bird Moth Balls (Shawn Marion) for fleeing a title contender (Suns) for the worst team in the league (Heat), but that's EXACTLY what Johnson did, only he did it for a worse team. Jus sayin'. Also, this is a weird little rumor I heard from a reliable source, but apparently Joe Johnson never dunked in a game until college because his parents said it was unsportsmanlike. I know, that doesn't add anything to the discussion here, but I find it interesting.

The Celtics have a couple options for guarding Johnson, and while he will get his points and contribute well, I don't think he has the ability to take over a game like Lebron, Gilbert, Butler, or Jamison in round 2.

PREDICTION
Celtics in 4 games. Why am I so confident? Because the Celtics are that much better, that's why!

GARNETT GIVES HIMSELF NEW NICKNAME; BP PANICS

It is a stressful time. The Celtics are in the playoffs and Vegas has given them 3-2 odds to win it all. The Wizards or Cavs loom in round two, neither of which the Celtics has demonstrated the propensity to defeat on a regular basis. Doc Rivers and the Celtics have been coasting for the last month, which never seems to work out for anybody. Doc Rivers is still enrolled in Special Ed coaching classes. Pictures of Brian Doo enthusiastically diddling a comatose Sam Cassell are circulating the interwebs. (See below, NSFW) Worst of all, Kevin Garnett apparently has given himself a new nickname- The Cobra.

Putting aside the obvious lameness of "The Cobra" as a nickname, giving yourself a nickname AT ALL is exclusively the realm of egomaniacs and unstable coddled performers who have alter egos. (See, Mariah Carey and her "Me Me" alter ego.) In the NBA, almost all nicknames are bestowed, take for example Boobie Miles. Worst nickname ever, and he probably didn't even want that one. Too bad. I don't think Stacey Augmon showed up at UNLV practice and announced, "I am the Plastic Man, bitches."

Now, Kobe Bryant tried to launch the "Black Mamba" nickname campaign, which was met with about as much enthusasim as his Nike symbol that looks like a penis. Nobody calls Kobe "Black Mamba" unless they are being sarcastic. Now, to his credit, he has played very well since unveiling the new nickname. The same thing is true about "The Big Aristotle," Shaquille O'Neal. No one calls him that because he's "all about numbers," they call him that because he's a moron.

On the other hand, Kobe is just a flat-out douche, Shaq does everything tongue-in-cheek, whereas KG is friggin' crazy. This is a guy that used to be best buds with Stephon Marbury (see above). This is a guy that once went on a rambling missive about arming himself for war while referring to a basketball game (paving the way for Kellen Winslow, who got a TON more crap for his rant). This is a guy that flips out during meaningless games and gets into sissyfights with weird randoms (paging Anthony Peeler and Antonio McDyess). This is a guy that really, really wanted to stay in Minnesota even when the team was horrible and everyone knew the management was a disaster. Worst of all, this is a guy who is quietly known by those who follow the league as a guy that, at best, doesn't do much in close games, and at worst, chokes in close games- not because he's afraid of failure but because he's too wound up. Now, perhaps that is all behind him and he's so loose that he's joking around. I hope that's what it is. Unfortunately, I am leaning towards "First Step Toward Complete Meltdown" side of things. The pressure is high and KG has been freaking out in games he's supposed to be just chilling out and watching.

Here's what KG needs to do, immediately.

1) Take a day off completely. This includes talking to the press and watching basketball on TV.
2) Do something Buddhist.
3) Stay the hell away from unstable people. That means Brian Doo. If you don't believe me, check out that picture again. What the hell.
4) Work on some Mikan Drills, because no one in the Eastern Conference can guard KG in the post and nothing builds confidence like layups.
5) Forget this "Cobra" idea ever happened. Deny, deny, deny.

I think we can work through this, play great in the playoffs, and cement KG's legacy as one of the great power forwards of all time. It's going to be an uphill battle, though...

STEPHEN JACKSON GUZZLES AWAY HIS SORROWS

Special thanks to Drunk Athlete (via Deadspin) for my favorite photo of the year. It's good to see that Jackson can deal with missing the playoffs by sucking vodka straight from the bottle instead of discharging a firearm in a public place while getting run over by a one-armed man. I just hope some felon in the crowd doesn't hit one of his boys with an open container, because then Stephen might just have to go friggin' nuts. So, let's hope Mr. Jackson spends his offseason doing none of this:



But lots more of this:

CELTICS' BENCH PUMMELS KNICKS

How did the Celtics beat the Knicks sans Big 3, in a sold-out MSG? Good question, but lets just say no one f*cks with Scal on free ice cream night. After 14 Edies Dream Bars, Scal put up a hearty 2 points 2 rebounds. Doesn't sound like much, but since he was on the floor for 19-Scalabrine-effect-filled minutes, there's no question Scal was the difference tonight.


Besides seeing Scal get some action, the other highlights from this game included the PA announcers trying to hide announcing Isiah's name by casually dropping it in-between a couple of assistant coaches. The fans were not fooled and gave ol' Zeek, the booing of his life.


Overall, a solid win and a great confidence boost for the bench and the young-players. Bring on the Hawks.

MELO DELIVERS IN THE CLUTCH... BUT I DON'T THINK COACH KARL WANTED A DUI

Everyone's favorite role model, Carmelo Anthony, was pulled over after weaving around with his brights on. He then failed a field sobriety test. The Nuggets have had a weird season in which they get blown out in games in which you'd think they'd be fired up to win. Similarly, Carmelo gets busted driving like Eric Musselman when the Nuggets have just a few games to clinch the eighth playoff seed. Now, slapping at Mardy Collins while running backwards is one thing, but driving around hammered puts 'Melo on a whole new level of douchebag. Jason Kidd and Bruce Bowen had better watch out, because 'Melo is going for the gold medal in the Douchebag Olympics, held this summer on the Jersey Shore. 'Melo has already promised to throw his medal into a lake if he wins.

THE CELTICS CAN'T BEAT THE F-ING WIZARDS

Jamison said he was fouled on this shot, and I'm not even joking

Alright homies and homegirls, I was at the debacle of a basketball game last night at the Verizon Center. I was angry, I went to bed mad hoping to sleep it off, and guess what? This morning I am still pissed off. Number one, I was conveniently seated next to the most annoying Celtics fans of all time- you may object to this, but there was a white dude wearing a Garnett jersey with a blue SCARF and a do-rag. And... this guy was standing up and flapping his arms like a friggin' tourettes-stricken albatross every time the Celtics did something good. Granted, that was only three times in the whole game, but it was still annoying.

But, far more awful was the performance on the court. I know what you'll say- "The Celtics already have home court advantage!" or "This game meant a lot more to the Wizards!" Fair points, but I am guessing that you didn't watch the game, or any of the three straight losses to the Wizards this year, if you are making those arguments. Here's how I am going to break it down-

1) The Celtics are 1-3* against the Wizards this season. Here are the results:

Back in November, opening night, the Celtics beat the Wizards at home 103-83. Since then...

@ Wizards, January 12. Lost 85-78.
Home January 14. Lost 88-85.
@ Wizards, April 9. Lost 109-95.

What do you notice about these games? THE CELTICS CAN'T SCORE AGAINST THE WIZARDS. Why is anybody's guess... no wait, it's because the Celtics basically have a 1-1 assist-to-turnover ratio against the Wizards. There were at least three times last night when a Celtic took the ball at the TOP OF THE KEY and drove like a manic INTO THREE DEFENDERS IN THE PAINT resulting in a deflections that led to basically uncontested dunks. Pretty frustrating...

What's so confounding is that the Wizards are at best a not-too-crappy defensive team, but against the Celtics they get a deflection every other possession. They jacked up a ton of threes last night and hoped they could get the offensive rebound when they missed. This is a desperate strategy of an inferior team, not a game plan for a championship contender, dammit! But I have to say it, folks...

2) Rondo doesn't do enough against the Wizards. He can't get to the rim. He got some garbage assists last night swinging the ball around for threes, but he can't get to the rim. Now, Stevenson and Daniels are both very good defenders, but the Celtics need to find a way to free Rondo up because their offense looks about as graceful as this boutique owner on a runway.


3) I'd like to disqualify Doc Rivers from any Coach of the Year discussion immediately because he matched 300-pound Glen Big Baby Davis up against Antwan Jamison, a quick, slipperly little eel of a player. I think that Doc believes anyone with a mohawk can accomplish anything, but listen Doc, shaving the sides of your head down the the skin doesn't drop 75 pounds and allow that fatass to guard an All-Star swing player. As you might have guessed, he got torched. Even the Mavs dumbass coach wouldn't match Eric Dampier up with Grant Hill. MEMO TO DOC- DON'T PLAY YOUR FATTEST PLAYER AGAINST THE OPPOSITIONS QUICKEST, CRAFTIEST PLAYER. Does he even READ this blog!?

4) The Celtics can't guard Jamison. If he's not slashing to the basket or draining threes, he's grabbing a billion rebounds and drawing fouls. Now, I just mocked Doc for playing GBBD against him, but it's not like anyone else was doing much better. That's a major problem.

5) Don't for a second think that this loss was inconsequential. This year, head to head, the Celtics own the Magic, the Celtics own the Pistons, and the Celtics own the Western Conference. Very nice job, they're an outstanding team. HOWEVER, the Celtics are the 1 seed, and the Cavs and the Wizards will play as the 4 and 5, meaning the Celtics will match up against a team that they either haven't beaten consistently (Cavs) or a team they haven't beaten since who knows when. Consider me NERVOUS.

It's been a weird year because I haven't had much to bitch about, but if you think that Doc Rivers is capable of directing this team in crunch time, you're nuts. The Celtics match up terribly against them, they had a terrible game plan which they executed terribly. They have proven that they are incapable of beating the Washington frikkin' Wizards... I feel like Brian Scalabrine after his 1 minute, 1 turnover, 1 triple crown performance last night.

*originally I screwed this up, thanks for the heads up Sullivan

Raef LaFrenz University Wins NCAA Title.

With all the hype surrounding the Celtics-Bucks game Tuesday, I didn't even realize the NCAA tournament was going on. Luckily, I went to get my weekly fix of 2 and a Half Men and caught the end of the game. Memphis had the game sealed until they bricked eight billion free throws within the final minute. One clutch Kansas 3 later and the game was in overtime and the momentum had swung.

The NCAA tournament is over, and we can now focus our attention on the more important task at hand. Celtics-Bucks. This is a match up that is sure to match the intensity of a Kansas-Memphis final From what I understand, the passion Bucks fans put into booing Andrew Bogut resembles a college-like intensity, so stay tuned...

CELTICS VIOLATE BOBCATS

Even with an "injured" Big 2 and Paul Pierce attending to his baby, that didn't stop the Celtics bench from destroying the Bobcats last night. Who needs KG and Paul Pierce when youve got Scal and Leon Powe.

WHAT A FRIGGIN' JOKE; CELTICS BENCH DESTROYS THE ONCE RESPECTABLE BULLS AND PACERS

Dear Chicago and Indiana,

Your basketball teams are pathetic. Your Jokim Noah's are ugly as hell, and your Jermaine O'Neals are lethargic at best. You have some decent young talent, but your suckiness overshadows their abilities and hinders their development. You just received H.B.I.'s* from our bench on back-to-back nights. Clean up your act or the next time we play you, were just going to send the Utah Flash and let Gabe Puitt kick the sh*t out of you.

Your mothers should all be ashamed,

NIC

* Hot Beef Injection



In more important news Donnie Walsh has left the Pacers and taken over one of Isiah Thomas' positions as the new GM of the New York Knicks. He's only been with the Knicks for one day and as you can see, he's already getting in the spirit.


Big Baby got a mohawk. Its hard to imagine that an outspoken, 6'8", chubby hustle machine, nicknamed "Big Baby" cause he looks like a huge baby, could become even more of a novelty, but he's managed to do just that. When asked why he got the haircut, he said he always wanted a mo-hawk. Above is a pic of his new doo.


Kendrick Perkins will be appearing at Modell's Sporting goods in Nashua NH on Thursday. If you missed him at Filene's Basement here's your chance. Don't f*ck it up or youll feel his wrath.

Speaking of H.B.I.'s I noticed that Celticsblog has now teamed up with the BostonGlobe online to ensure that greater Boston gets easy access to mundane Celtics coverage. I find this quite ironic considering all Celticsblog does is link to Globe articles. If the Globe now sends people back to Celticsblog, this will just create a vicious cycle, maybe even a wormhole in the internet or a rift in space-time. Im not taking any chances and staying farrrr away from Celticsblog.